I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

[disappoint15]

I'm surprised by the size 8 too as I weigh the same at 5'2" and am 12/14 top and bottom. (Also misses point).

[sleepwhenidie]

Proteus do you work out in the way OP describes? You have no idea of what her muscle:body fat ratio is, it's entirely possible that it's better than yours so give over with the judgey comments about how you would look at the same BMI. It's a very blunt tool.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

Shock! Horror! Breaking news!

People can weigh different amounts and not look fat!

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Thank you all, i don't know that it's clear that the dds would still see her just without me, my Aibu is can I stop seeing her? Dh sees her less than me so not tearing the family apart. Oh proteus - great advice thank you, you are an absolute delight, I hope you spread as much joy offline

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

No, you're not all 'missing the point', those of you eager to inform OP she's not a size 8.

You're telling her she's wrong and is kidding herself with your faux 'surprise' about her clothes size. And it's rude.

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

Proteus - OP goes to the gym, so is probably quite toned and muscular. BMI turns into bollocks, hen that's the case. And is still none of anyone else's business unless she's obviously making herself ill.

[Tabsicle]

I am in despair. OP is a healthy weight, exercises reguarly and feels good about her shape and someone needs to pop up and tell her she's not that thin really.

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Actually not massively worries about whether anyone believes my clothes size- I could certainly lose weight but clearly with the exercise I've got a lot of muscle. It weighs more.

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think Proteus was being a dick - blunt perhaps but not a dick.

This thread has all the qualities of a 'kick off' really, because there will be a lot of posters who are puzzled at the OP's height and weight equalling a size 8. So that's likely to cause a bun fight somewhere along the line I suppose.

OP, if you don't want to see her again that's entirely your choice. At least you're not stopping the kids from seeing their great gran, and at least your MIL stuck up for you.

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

TJPW, it's such a shame you're already busy on the fday of the family Just because barbecue ;)

of course it's not unreasonable to avoid her, nless she's there, like a bad rash at every single family event you would otherwise enjoy.

[BabyGanoush]

Why does it bother you?

Can't you take it as a harmless comment?

Since when is it normal to go NC if someone makes a throwaway comment on appearance?!

Stop being so dramatic over nothing.

[PhylumChordata]

Mil says stuff like that. I just respond with a loud 'miaow'.

Childish but effective.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

Worra if you would seriously speak to someone like that in real life and call it being 'blunt' I can be blunt in return and state that I think someone who would do that would have no social skills and few friends.

It is not posters being 'puzzled' at all, it is posters being unkind and informing OP she's not really a size 8. No one needs telling how varied clothes sizes are (I have everything from size 10 to size 14 in my wardrobe) but hey, can't have someone a bit pudgy thinking they are a nice healthy weight, can we? even though they are

[sleepwhenidie]

^ what Tabsicle said ...honestly, nothing like MN for putting you in your place, dress size wise

[Lurkedforever1]

I agreed with proteus because op's size is relevant in the context. We can safely assume that the woman's age not only explains her sexist attitude and inability to understand how rude she was, but past generations came from an era where people were much slimmer, and op would have been on the bigger side, despite not being fat. So while it's rude to comment on someones size regardless, in this scenario op's actual size doesn't make it 'even more rude because I'm a size 8'

[MumOnACornishFarm]

Well firstly I would expect my DP to back me up, so I hope yours is. I would talk to her directly and tell her that her rude comments are not appreciated, and that you don't want your daughters growing up hearing such body shaming comments from members of their own family. It sounds like you're very active and healthy, and that positive image is being undermined by the old witch in front of your girls, which isn't great for them.

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Ok. Thanks for replies. I suspected I am being really really sensitive. Nc I mean more avoid a woman I see annually, but I won't, I shall put up with it. Re my weight/height/clothes size, whilst I recognise it could be better I only put it in for context. I shall try and get over myself and continue with the exercise as a few of you seem more bothered about my clothes size than I was when I started this thread

[clarrrp]

"What a rude thing to say!"

This is probably a lot more polite than what I would I have said.

As for pinching bit of food - my missus and I (and our friends) steal each other's food all the time - the three second rule for us is 'if it's on your plate you have three seconds to eat it or it's fair game' :)

[HelenF35]

My grandmother said to me the other day 'I bet you'll be glad when ds is walking, you will be able to lose some weight running after him'! I've just lost almost 2 stone and my bmi is in the normal range. The cheeky old bag wonders why I didn't speak to her for years, don't know why I bother now to be honest.

[LizzieMacQueen]

Is she asking in a roundabout way if you are pregnant?

Is she your MIL's MIL ? (nice of your MIL to defend you BTW)

[WorraLiberty]

Meh! I know plenty of honest/blunt people who have a good amount of friends.

I take the point about varied clothes sizes though.

Either way, the OP must have a good figure no matter what size she is, if she spends that amount of time in a gym with a personal trainer as well.

Personally, I couldn't get fussed if someone I hardly saw, made a few comments like that but I accept we're all different.

If she's causing the OP distress, she's better off avoiding her.

[ijustdontknowanymore]

I had a comment like this made to me once. While at a wedding, My DH's great aunt (who I had never met before) told him he should 'put me on the treadmill for an hour a day'. I was 9st and a size 10!

I chalked it up to her being a bit batty and old!

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

It wasn't honest, it was excessively rude, not even true, and unesscary and if YOU call it blunt, I frankly find that bizarre.

The rest of your post I agree with :)

[MumOnACornishFarm]

And I would ignore the people here debating your dress size, too. What an extraordinarily rude thing to do. I'm off to anger eat a Snickers on your behalf, OP.

[HiddenMeaning]

Gawd, being 'blunt' is so over rated.

The grandmother was rude as was Proteus