I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

Sorry OP and others if I caused offence. It wasn't faux surprise though, I have no reason to believe that the OP is lying, but I am both taller than the OP and weigh less, and I'm a size 10.
However it could be because I have absolutely zero muscle. Only today I was looking at my arse and wondering when gravity started being such a jobsworth. But I am surprised that it weighs that much more, tbh. It is a bit irrelevant though, hence the "misses point" comment. I'm sure the OP has nothing to worry about. Eat the bread!

As for the weight thing, no you're not fat, but at 5 ft 1 and 9 st 3, you have a BMI of 24.3, and you are only four pounds from the maximum you could weigh without being overweight. A healthy weight range for your height is 6 st 13 to 9 st 7. So you're at the top end of healthy weight.

Oh FFS.

*correction: "I am surprised that muscle weighs that much more"

I am being sensitive - I know I'm being sensitive, it happens every bloody month for 24 hours, I'm probably bloated too, bugger it, iabu. I'll cut the carbs out tomorrow and buy some bigger clothes

Id laugh it off. Old people don't always think about our sensitivities. My grandparents used to say funny things to me that I'd laugh about with friends, I'm not sensitive about my weight so found it hilarious. They didn't mean anything by it.

It's a bit strong to suggest going no contact with an elderly relative over this isn't it? Just shrug it off.

i had something similar from an old college acquaintance this week. Ive gone from 21 stone down to 11 stone and she

a. told me if i needed any weight loss tips to ask her.
b. said to me "when i see you again you will be half the weight you are now" (which would take me down to 5 stone 9)

Shes heavier than me though and i cringed at her comment "Im gonna have to lose five stone and get a man"

I told her that is NOT a good reason to lose weight and it is not the reason i did it. And that losing weight should be for one person....yourself.

I ignored her other advice She has always been very superficial

"Re my weight/height/clothes size, whilst I recognise it could be better"

See, now you're being childish. You clearly take great care of yourself, that's great, and no one is saying you don't. I'm just surprised that someone who is both shorter than me and weighs more can be a smaller dress size. I was musing. Not shaming

I'm not suggesting I can change my height dead but I do recognise if I ate less rubbish my weight would be less, it was certainly not meant to be childish

What makes me is the 'she's from an era where it was ok to judge/comment like this' alongside all the 'are you sure you're a size 8?' And 'your BMI really isn't that healthy' (despite being in the 'healthy' range ) comments, which are all doing exactly the same thing but anonymously. As pp said, I despair.

My goodness re the dress size - perhaps I shop in different places or have a smaller frame or my Arse can be squashed into jeans more easily, I had no need to lie, I promise

OP it sounds like she touched a nerve. There's obviously nothing wrong with your weight but if you're sensitive look at why that is and if you want to do anything about it. Don't cut an elderly woman out of your family's life that's just madness! It was just a nothing comment.

Don't let her get to you, my mum told me today i look fat, in the top i am wearing, i ignored her. My dad piped up , 'don't speak to her like that' I was a wee bit upset but bit my tongue. You said you have pmt so will be feeling more sensitive, but she does sound like an old bitch tbh ( so does my mum sometimes)

"I'm not suggesting I can change my height dead but I do recognise if I ate less rubbish my weight would be less"

Huh? The point I'm making is that you absolutely don't have to lose weight.

Anyway, as I said I am sure you could not see this person again, you wouldn't be stopping anyone else from seeing her and it doesn't sound like you get much from your meetings! You say it's not the first time she's made comments about your weight, sounds v tiresome

Well done to HelenaDove! You are doing it for yourself and no one else.

Isn't BMI a pretty useless measure of health? There's plenty of evidence in that direction. It wasn't ever meant to carry the kind of weight it does these days .

the old witch just wants to put you down and she's picking on something that she thinks will upset you, if she thought you were insecure about your big nose, big ears, knobbly knee's or whatever she'd use that instead

The sad, sad thing about proteus is that she went to the trouble of entering OP's measurements into a BMI checker. How pathetic.

anyone who dishes it out should be able to take it
fire right back with an insult

BMI is no measure of health whatsoever.

She's old and frankly one of the things I'm secretly looking forward to about old age will be getting away with being rude (apologies to my family in advance ;))

Not the point, but I'm 5'3" and weigh 7 and half stone and I'm a size 8...

Is she being bitchy or just coming out will ill judged and unfounded 'observations' ? Her age might point to it being the latter - older people tend to lose part of their appropriate filter as they age and generally mean no malice. Of course lots of people are also just mean and that just gets worse with age as consequences mean less to them too.

I would have a couple of rehearsed comebacks for next time but, unless she starts to display actual malicious intent, I wouldn't fall out over it. Life's too short.

And to those previous posters spouting on about OP being at the top of her healthy range - fuck right off!! How on earth can you say that a size 8 woman is nearly overweight. Give your head a wobble and crawl back under your rock.
As for BMI, hasn't that just been refuted as bollocks anyway and no longer relevant by Health officials?

sleepwhenidie "Proteus do you work out in the way OP describes? You have no idea of what her muscle:body fat ratio is, it's entirely possible that it's better than yours so give over with the judgey comments about how you would look at the same BMI. It's a very blunt tool."

YouStickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine "Proteus - OP goes to the gym, so is probably quite toned and muscular. BMI turns into bollocks, hen that's the case."

I thought my post would elicit comments like this.

I work out more often than the OP does - 6-7 days a week of hard intense cardio plus weights and abs. Plus I walk everywhere. I'm mostly muscle.

That's the moment when you deflect with humour, no?
"Yup, I'm hoping to watch it get bigger and bigger!" etc.

Other than her comments about your weight, which your MIL told her not to be so rude about anyway (Yaaay for your MIL!)

Does she have any nice, redeeming qualities?

If she does, perhaps you should weight them up in your mind and see if they outweigh those comments.

If they do then given her age/health/how often you see her, and given that your MIL pulled her up, I would continue meeting up with her.

If she has no particular redeeming qualities, then I'd make an excuse on the rare occasions you meet up.

I do also subscribe to the school of how you're a size 8 but anyway it's inappropriate to say that to a relatives face, I've had similar from grandparents though. I don't mind at all, they're usually being nice but I think it's just a "different times" thing.