I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

[MumOnACornishFarm]

It was still unnecessary Proteus

[TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain]

At 5 ft 1,9 st 3,and and a size 8 you are clearly not in any way overweight.
Don't let her get to you. Roll your eyes, and carry on as you are doing.
Seriously. Let it wash over you, you know (or should know!) that you're absolutely fine and perfectly within the healthy weight range.

[Applejack29]

OP, I am slightly shorter than you and I weigh a lot more than you, and I'm a larger dress size. Your DH grandma was rude to say that to you. If she'd have said it to me then she would also have been being rude.

You are not being sensitive at all! She was very rude, it was none of her business to make a comment, no matter what you weigh/look like/dress size/anything else

[NeverbuytheDailyMail]

This thread has all the qualities of a 'kick off' really, because there will be a lot of posters who are puzzled at the OP's height and weight equalling a size 8. So that's likely to cause a bun fight somewhere along the line I suppose.

But why - surely we can all just agree that regardless of the OP's weight, BMI, dress size, it is utterly rude to not only comment on someone else's size but also very damaging to comment on what someone eats or drinks (especially in front of children).

There was absolutely no need for Proteus to question her weight/BMI.

OP - I agree with others that you should let it wash over you. You sound like you are doing everything right in order to feel happy and healthy and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I do agree though that a little quip right back at her would do no harm, but actually might go some way to counteract any negative impact comments like this have on your DC's self-image and perception of weight ( I don't know ages of your DC so that may be totally irrelevant). But yeah - let it go.

[glassgarden]

I'm mostly muscle
wow, you sound like a veritable beast ProteusRising
how much do you bench press/squat/deadlift?

[SeparatedByMotorways]

My boyfriend's family took it upon themselves to tell me I 'definitely weigh more than 60 kilos' several times over the course of one weekend (we were going to do a zipline with a surprisingly high minimum weight restriction, it was almost relevant). I'm 158 cm so being less than 60 kilos is totally reasonable. Anyway he told them they were being unneccesarily rude, they realised that was probably true and were mortified. As someone who worries about weight I sometimes forget other people don't listen to themselves so I don't need to either. Try not to let it bother you.

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

Bully for you, Proteus. We are not all built the same and the comment was almost as rude as you are.

There are plenty of"what size are you at...?" threads, here and women my rough height and weight are anything from a 10 to a 16.

[WorraLiberty]

But why - surely we can all just agree that regardless of the OP's weight, BMI, dress size, it is utterly rude to not only comment on someone else's size but also very damaging to comment on what someone eats or drinks (especially in front of children).

Absolutely agree 100%

But knowing Mumsnet, when someone comes along (particularly having name changed for whatever reason), and states they're that height, weight and dress size, they know and many others will know that it's going to cause questioning.

That questioning, will therefore normally cause a bun fight...which it already has.

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

I am surprised re the dress size. I have pretty big calves and cankles so maybe that's where I carry most my weight leaving the rest of me to squeeze into a smaller size. Often skinny jeans which are otherwise too big don't go over my calves

[LookAtMeGo]

I think when you're shorter you can fit into smaller clothes. Your frame must be smaller, eg pelvis/hips/shoulders I'm 5'9.5" and when I was 9 stone I was a size 8/10

[WorraLiberty]

Anyway OP, don't let a couple of dodgy comments from one person bother you

I wouldn't make any hasty decisions.

Think about it and see how you feel between now and the next time you're due to meet her.

[NeverbuytheDailyMail]

Worra - really!! It would genuinely never occur to me to question it. I know cock all about weight/height ranges though and I wouldn't know if something sounded fishy. (I last weighed myself about ten years ago out of sheer boredom in a hospital waiting room.)

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Actually I don't know why I'm even replying re the dress size. I am what I am whether you believe me or not, I could be healthier but, until today I thought I was happy. I shall take the helpful comments on board and ignore the others and think about why I was so sensitive. I appreciate the stories of others who have been treated similarly and I hope the breakdown of my bmi etc didn't bother anyone who believed themself to be healthy. Thank you all, goodnight

[MyFriendsCallMeOh]

Smile and nod OP.

By the time I'm a great grandmother I'm going to make up for years of biting my tongue and say whatever the f*ck I like. although clearly would never comment on anyone's size or shape

[sleepwhenidie]

Jolly stop feeding the dress size obsessives, ask yourself, would you be as offended by this woman's comments had they been about, say, your shoes? I suspect not, because you are happy with your choice of shoes and don't give a toss what she thinks of them. But you are letting her ridiculous, rude comments (and those here) cause you to judge your own body as harshly-that's madness isn't it? You know you are fit and take care of yourself, don't question it, be comfortable and confident in your own healthy body.

Ffs and we wonder why there are so many women growing up with ED's, is it any surprise when there's such obsession, judgement and commentary from the people setting examples for kids.

[ProteusRising]

SticktheDM and glassgarden I agree it's not in any way relevant what my stats are - I didn't start a thread about my body. I responded to posters specifically asking how often I work out and whether or not the OP was likely to be much more muscular than me.

As I said in my first response on this thread - OP is, just about, not overweight. She's right at the top of her healthy weight range and obviously somewhat sensitive about it.

Her DH's grandmother is presumably a very old person and said something a bit insensitive - not spectacularly so, I've had worse from elderly relatives, and so I suspect have most of us here.

Presumably the elderly relative hit a nerve because OP is aware that she's verging on being overweight. If she was actually really skinny she wouldn't feel so upset by it.

To suggest that she should no longer see the elderly relative is ludicrous and would be totally unfair on all the family members involved, incl her husband and children. It is hardly an extreme comment and would have washed over her if she wasn't already feeling bad about herself- which is also why she included her full stats in her post.

[AntiHop]

Yanbu. That would piss me right off. I had older relatives who made similar comments. I didn't bother with maintaining a relationship with them, for that and other reasons.

[KissMyArse]

As for pinching bit of food - my missus and I (and our friends) steal each other's food all the time - the three second rule for us is 'if it's on your plate you have three seconds to eat it or it's fair game'

I'd be more tempted to go NC with a food thief than your cranky relative. Bloody rude to take food off other people's plates whilst they are still eating where I come from. Fork-shaped stab wounds would ensue.

Proteus is right that according to the NHS BMI calculator you are close to the overweight range. If, however, you exercise regularly then I can well imagine you are a trim and sexsaaay size 8.

Whoever it was who said muscle weighs more than fat ... no, it doesn't - simple science. One pound of feathers weighs the same as one pound of steel.

[HelenaDove]

So at exactly what age does making these sorts of comments become acceptable.

[TamaraHiddlestoned]

Well I'm a 6' tall woman, nearly 16 Stone (mainly due to meds) & have seriously restricted mobility cos of illness.

A bmi of 24.anything sounds heavenly to me.
(Have a go at me if you wish, old lady, see how much of a toss I give.)

We are all different, all have our reasons for being where we are with our bodies.
I hope that whatever body you all have, you take pleasure in its form, it's beauty & sensuality.

[80sMum]

I agree 100% with what BabyGanoush said:
"Why does it bother you?
Can't you take it as a harmless comment?
Since when is it normal to go NC if someone makes a throwaway comment on appearance?!
Stop being so dramatic over nothing"

[DeadGood]

I'd love to have shapelier calves. Mine are like sticks - unfortunately my thighs are definitely not. Parsnip legs innit.
I do think, on reflection, that the smaller you are , the more "space" there is within your size. That is, a small person who is a size 8 could go up and down a good few kilos and remain a size 8. I've always felt that if you are taller or larger, you could go up through the sizes quite quickly. Any truth to that?

[laidbackneko]

Presumably the elderly relative hit a nerve because OP is aware that she's verging on being overweight. If she was actually really skinny she wouldn't feel so upset by it.

Just wow at this proteus
I've heard of cod psychology but this really takes the

[Smellyoulater]

Maybe she meant it in a "you wont stay that slim if you keep eating like that" way

[TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain]

5 ft 1, 9 st 3 and a size 8 is absolutely accurate. I've been 5 ft 3 and a size 8/10 before babies and perfectly healthy weight range, so not sure what people are going on about in regards to healthy weight ranges as OP blatantly is fine!
Self esteem maybe needs to be worked on more though - if it was me I'd roll my eyes and shove another sausage roll in my gob just to wind them up lol.