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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think couples should (normally) go to bed at the same time?

201 replies

Levi49er · 22/02/2016 00:18

I know IA(probably)BU but I am currently Angry Bed Monster because DH is "not tired" and I don't like being in bed on my own and can't sleep. I do know that different people need different amounts of sleep, obviously, but we have done exactly the same things today and both have to get up at the same time tomorrow and I just don't like being in bed on my own. DH is downstairs playing computer games and drinking. I came to bed at 11 and he said he'd be half an hour. I went down for a wee (downstairs bathroom only) and he was just opening another beer. This happens quite regularly and always annoys me but DH just doesn't get as tired as I do and doesn't need as much sleep. AIBU? I am right? I'm mad. Surely this annoys other people?

OP posts:
BanningTheWordNaice · 22/02/2016 00:19

Yes yabu I'm afraid. If he's not tired, he's not tired and I wouldn't be happy with someone trying to control when I went to bed.

BillSykesDog · 22/02/2016 00:20

Wow. YABVU. He's a human being, not a teddy.

sandgrown · 22/02/2016 00:20

We very rarely go to bed at the same time. It does not bother me as long as he does not wake me up banging around .

MsMims · 22/02/2016 00:20

I think YABU. Why don't you like being in bed alone? It's a much longed for treat in this house! Some time alone to chill in bed - bliss.

PiperChapstick · 22/02/2016 00:21

Sorry but I think YABU. I'd hate to go to bed when I'm not tired just because my DH wanted me to. In fact DH and I only really go to bed at same time when we want to have sex. Every other night he usually stays up later than me

IamlovedbyG · 22/02/2016 00:22

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CooPie10 · 22/02/2016 00:22

DH and I go to bed the same time. We just wait for each other to finish up whatever it is and go. Each to their own.

sandgrown · 22/02/2016 00:22

My dad used to insist my mum went to bed at the same time as him and would turn the telly off and turn all the lights out so she had no option!

AndNowItsSeven · 22/02/2016 00:23

Yanbu I think it's strange not to go to bed at the same time unless you need to get up at totally different times.

IamlovedbyG · 22/02/2016 00:23

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ChickyChickyParmParm · 22/02/2016 00:23

Yabvu. And clingy.

peggyundercrackers · 22/02/2016 00:24

Yep Yabu - why would anyone go to bed if they aren't tired?

RudeElf · 22/02/2016 00:24

I don't like being in bed on my own and can't sleep.

Please!! Grow up. Or get a teddy. Leave the landing light on for yourself.

RudeElf · 22/02/2016 00:25

Could never be with someone that needy.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 22/02/2016 00:25

I stay up later than DH often. I like a quiet hour to process my own thoughts before going to bed.

I'd be greatly irritated if I was told I 'had' to go to bed.

BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2016 00:26

I prefer that we go to bed together rather than separately, it seems more companionable.

But it doesn't annoy me when it doesn't happen. And I don't hate being in bed on my own.

I guess it would not seem ideal to regularly have different bedtimes.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 22/02/2016 00:28

It's rare me and Dh go to bed at the same time. In fairness, he works nights so I'm often spark out and dribbling by the time he gets in. I prefer it, he farts like a champ when he's falling asleep.

Summerisle1 · 22/02/2016 00:29

YABU.

I go to bed when I am ready. Not when someone says I should. This is one of the great benefits of being an adult.

Seren85 · 22/02/2016 00:30

YABU. He's a grown up and can go to bed when he chooses. Provided he isn't banging around waking you up or constantly late for work due to staying up late (which should be his own problem but when you have joint responsibilities then it isn't really) or it is massively impacting on your sex life then your issues with being alone in bed aren't his problem. Would you actually rather he was tossing and turning and keeping you awake due to not being ready for sleep?

VoldysGoneMouldy · 22/02/2016 00:30

You think he shouldn't have his time to relax because you don't like going to bed on your own?

Are you five years old?

Of course you're being unreasonable. And controlling.

ijustwannadance · 22/02/2016 00:31

I am a night owl so often go to bed later. Sometimes DP on lates and will stay up and have a drink as still wired from work, then sleeps in spare room as he would wake me up and I wouldn't go back to sleep.

I think yabvu unless you require nightly sex.
It's quite an old fashioned notion imo. You have issues if you can't sleep alone.

Earlyday · 22/02/2016 00:32

I hate when DH goes to bed at the same time as me. He tries to talk when I'm trying to sleep or he puts the lamp on to read.

Original poster
Levi49er · 22/02/2016 00:33

Thanks all. I think I probably do have issues. First day back to work tomorrow after a miscarriage and a bereavement double whammy so am feeling especially clingy. Normally I'm not as bad as this.

OP posts:
FloraFurball · 22/02/2016 00:36

YABU. DP & I have been together 30 years. He's a lark and I'm a night owl. We rarely go to bed at the same time and rarely get up at the same time. On the rare occasions I've decided to have an early night and have gone to bed at the same time I've kept him awake by tossing and turning. It just doesn't work. Which is why he's asleep upstairs and I'm on here.

Don't get mad with him OP. He can't change it. I certainly can't and I've tried. For 30 years. I would love to be a lark but I'm just not and won't ever be. I like being up late more than I like waking up early. We are what we are.

ijustwannadance · 22/02/2016 00:38

Perhaps you should have put that info in your op