Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think couples should (normally) go to bed at the same time?

201 replies

Levi49er · 22/02/2016 00:18

I know IA(probably)BU but I am currently Angry Bed Monster because DH is "not tired" and I don't like being in bed on my own and can't sleep. I do know that different people need different amounts of sleep, obviously, but we have done exactly the same things today and both have to get up at the same time tomorrow and I just don't like being in bed on my own. DH is downstairs playing computer games and drinking. I came to bed at 11 and he said he'd be half an hour. I went down for a wee (downstairs bathroom only) and he was just opening another beer. This happens quite regularly and always annoys me but DH just doesn't get as tired as I do and doesn't need as much sleep. AIBU? I am right? I'm mad. Surely this annoys other people?

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 23/02/2016 10:22

Read the thread Mrsw

Hagrid3112 · 23/02/2016 10:53

DH and I sometimes go to bed at different times and, if we feel like having company, we normally get annoyed at the other, so don't worry about it.
It's very different when it's not because of different shift patterns, and when they're just downstairs instead of out of town.
When you're tired everything feels worse, and if you don't want to go to sleep alone, you don't want to go to sleep alone. I sometimes get DH to take his top off so I can sleep in it if we're going at massively different times. Usually helps

Taytocrisps · 23/02/2016 11:00

We mostly go to bed at different times because DH is a night owl and stays up late watching TV. I like to read in bed and am generally asleep when DH comes up.

imwithspud · 23/02/2016 11:02

YABU I'm afraid.

For the most part, me and dp go to bed at around the same time, although he is usually asleep before me as I'm on MN on my phone for a couple of hours half an hour before dropping off. On the odd occasion though one of us will stay up and it's fine. It happens maybe once a week or so.

The only reason it would irritate me would be if he was staying up for underhanded reasons or seemed to be actively avoiding coming to bed for some reason.

Postchildrenpregranny · 23/02/2016 11:21

Since the menopause I find I dont sleep well. If I go to bed earlyish I lie there for ages finally drop off then wake about 4 or 5 am Then have to lie there so I dont wake DH .Its such a waste of time . if I go to bed 1am ish I can usually drop off by 2 and sleep til 7.Which means I can read or go online or catch up with TV .I can cope pretty well on v little sleep.DH can't and goes to bed early .I dont think he llikes it much though...I do creep around and don't wake him

Mrsw28 · 23/02/2016 12:15

Read the first page Seriously, saw the update, changes everything.

Though this is another case of drip feeding which leads to inevitable confusion.

In the same situation, my DH wouldn't leave my side unless I asked him to. Flowers for OP.

0pheliaBalls · 23/02/2016 19:43

We like to go to bed at the same time. Very occasionally DH will stay up later to watch TV or read (I need more sleep than him as a rule) but 99% of the time we go in together. We have a lovely, private hour or so before we go to sleep to chat or have sex. I love how when we close the bedroom door we're in our own space with no distractions and it's just us. We're compatible that way, luckily - I'd definitely miss our night time chats/shags if DH (or I) stayed up late every night.

squeak10 · 23/02/2016 20:13

Very rarely go to bed at same time, always wake up together.

Mrsw28 · 23/02/2016 20:15

My first post was deleted? I don't see why, I wasn't offensive and justified what I said. I even followed up with a different post after reading the thread as suggested by another MNer.
Very disheartening.

Seriouslyffs · 23/02/2016 20:26

Mrs I saw that and was Blush because I'd pulled you up on it. As far as I remember you'd said something like 'I've not read the whole thread but of course partners don't need to go to bed together.'
I'm pretty certain there was no PA

JC23 · 23/02/2016 20:59

DH and I have always gone to bed together at the same time, even when we have different waking times we try do it out of kindness for each other because. I can't sleep when I know he's still up and active, even if he's just on his phone in bed next to me! And if one person comes to bed later they disturb the other person.

Mrsw28 · 23/02/2016 21:14

Don't worry about it, Seriously. I saw why you said to read the thread.

Lightbulbon · 23/02/2016 21:42

I had no idea how common it was for couples to have such different sleep routines.

I hated it when dp worked shifts and I was a sahm. I tried to mirror his routine and it made me miserable and tired but I had the expectation that couples sleep together!

I wouldn't want it any other way.

Orda1 · 23/02/2016 21:54

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 23/02/2016 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 23/02/2016 22:08

Really really wish HQ would lock threads sometimes!

Orda1 · 23/02/2016 22:08

I don't think it's just because ones partner is, if you get up the same time surely it makes sense to go the same time?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 23/02/2016 22:09

Not for me, some nights I'm a lot more tired than others.

Orda1 · 23/02/2016 22:16

I am always tired and can often be found napping at 8pm!

CakeNinja · 23/02/2016 22:34

Sorry for your news OP Flowers it's tough.

But dp and I rarely go to bed together.
we keep very different weekday hours in that one of us and sometimes both are out Monday-Thursday. So I've just got home from the gym and he's in bed watching a film or something on Netflix. But I'm all wide awake and jittery so will chill out downstairs for an hour.

Wednesday's he plays football and gets back at 9:30 and I'll be in bed already.
And so on.

If we go to bed together he annoys me by making me rub his feet/putting his pillow on my head, asking to share my drink, he's worse than a bloody child!! I value my time on my own as does he.

Hope you feel better soon Cake

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 23/02/2016 22:36

Sorry, my post was in poor taste, I had RTFT yesterday but was replying absentmindedly to later posts. I'll ask to get it deleted.

daisychain01 · 23/02/2016 22:39

DP and I have been in sync with sleeping patterns for years. We are equally knackered most of the time Grin Sometimes at 8pm in the winter, one or other of us will be going "is it bedtime yet"?

Even when we were in a LDR before moving in together 3 years ago, we'd still end up going to bed at the same time!

Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2016 22:44

In your current circumstances you are not being unreasonable to want him to come and be with you and give you a cuddle to help you sleep.
My husband rarely comes to bed at the same time as me. He's a night owl. Sometimes he's working others just chilling and watching tv I'm not interested in!
I enjoy my hour in bed to myself. He snores so I like to be well asleep before him!
Each couple have to find what's right for them. Our different bedtimes have no negative impact on us as a couple.

sunshinemode · 24/02/2016 20:55

I wonder if it has more to do with him drinking and playing computer games to deal with his grief while you need to talk and be held

BonnieF · 25/02/2016 00:03

Completely U, I'm afraid.

DP is a lark, and I am an owl. Our body clocks are wired completely differently, and always have been. He is in bed by 10 every night, but I am not even slightly tired until well after midnight. He gets up at 5, an hour which I, and all other sane people, consider to be the middle of the night.

We have to adopt a 'live and let live' approach, because it is the only practical option for us.

Swipe left for the next trending thread