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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think couples should (normally) go to bed at the same time?

201 replies

Levi49er · 22/02/2016 00:18

I know IA(probably)BU but I am currently Angry Bed Monster because DH is "not tired" and I don't like being in bed on my own and can't sleep. I do know that different people need different amounts of sleep, obviously, but we have done exactly the same things today and both have to get up at the same time tomorrow and I just don't like being in bed on my own. DH is downstairs playing computer games and drinking. I came to bed at 11 and he said he'd be half an hour. I went down for a wee (downstairs bathroom only) and he was just opening another beer. This happens quite regularly and always annoys me but DH just doesn't get as tired as I do and doesn't need as much sleep. AIBU? I am right? I'm mad. Surely this annoys other people?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 22/02/2016 06:43

Best of luck today with your return to work. If you can, take something nice for your lunch and do a takeaway for dinner tonight. No cooking for you tonight, just time to decompress.

CantChoose · 22/02/2016 06:55

Gosh, I'm surprised at how many people go to bed at different times to their OH.
FWIW we always go up together though sometimes one of us will have been dozing on the sofa which I know doesn't suit everyone :) I'm a very light sleeper who struggles to get back to sleep once woken. OH coming to bed after me would irritate the hell out of me.
We don't really struggle with one person being tired or not - maybe we have similar sleep needs or maybe it's because we are just in the habit of sleeping at the same time...

Procrastinationcity · 22/02/2016 07:00

Hope everything goes ok for you today Flowers

Mcnorton · 22/02/2016 07:22

I didn't realise people went to bed at the same time as their partner. Mine works nights 5 out of 7 so not an option. His sleep at weekends is thrown out by weeknight working so we don't usually go to bed at the same time then either. My Dad was a shift worker too so it's not something I grew up with. I'm lucky in that I like having the bed to myself! If I do feel I need company though I put a pillow on 'his' side and cuddle it Blush

Seriouslyffs · 22/02/2016 07:35

Hope today's ok Levi

FluffyPersian · 22/02/2016 07:45

I go to be about 10.30pm. ... and my partner goes to bed about 1-2am, sometimes later....

...AND we don't sleep together as have separate bedrooms Grin

Bellygirl · 22/02/2016 07:46

OP I think YANBU but that's because I'm exactly the same, I hate being in bed by myself and can't sleep without DP being there Grin but yes sadly I am a bit needy/clingy at times. But we've always gone to bed at the same time so I guess it's just what you're used to!

Unicorncatsack · 22/02/2016 07:48

I actually don't think YABU but then DP and I always go to bed at the same time. Genuinely didn't think it was weird til I read this thread!!

lighteningirl · 22/02/2016 07:53

We go to bed together we are both on second marriages and in both our first marriages didn't and for me and dh differing schedules were contributing factor/part of the problem. If one of us isn't tired we just watch telly quietly/read same when we wake up. We both only work parttime/work together and generally are together I can't imagine going to bed everyday on my own. I did that for over a decade as a single mum. However on the rare occasions he is away I love to starfish alone in the bed except for dog

expatinscotland · 22/02/2016 07:58

YABU

TeaT1me · 22/02/2016 08:06

Gosh I thought most couples went to bed together!

I prefer it. Natter but the day, shag, sleep. Sometimes I'll go up first and read but I'd still wait for him. On occasions he's up late as long as he doesn't say "20mins" so I wait and then take several hours... As in if he's going to be really late he just says so I can sleep, it's fine. We do occasionally do that but bed together is the norm here.

I didn't realise we were unusual!

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 22/02/2016 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 22/02/2016 08:14

Very sorry about your circumstances and perhaps it would be nicer, at the moment, if your DH came upstairs with you, perhaps gave you a cuddle and then left you to fall asleep.

But speaking personally, DH and I never go to bed at the same time (in fact we don't even share a bedroom Grin) - sleep is such a personal thing and i can't imagine both wanting to fall asleep at exactly the same time.

ChoudeBruxelles · 22/02/2016 08:15

Yabu. A whole bed to yourself is the best thing. Dh works shifts so we rarely go to bed or get up at the same time.

ManneryTowers · 22/02/2016 08:18

Yabu (but I can see why at the moment). DH and I go upstairs at the same time but he might potter in the study for a bit whilst I faff in the bathroom so we don't always end up in bed before the other has fallen asleep. I must admit I would like to spend more time in bed with him awake.

Groovee · 22/02/2016 08:23

Dh and I rarely go to bed together as one of us is out or working.

Branleuse · 22/02/2016 08:25

dp goes to bed several hours after me.

brummiesue · 22/02/2016 08:26

Can't believe the amount of people who 'cant sleep' unless their partner is with them in bed, talk about co dependent Hmm

AppleSetsSail · 22/02/2016 08:32

OP Flowers

I love being in bed alone, but there is something very nice and married about going to bed together. My husband would be very, very happy to stay up all night drinking and playing video games so I completely understand your irritation at this - are you irritated with his drinking in general?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 22/02/2016 08:35

Happiness for us is separate rooms at our preferred temperatures, where I can't hear her snore and she isn't being kicked, punched or sweated on as my childhood climbs out of my subconcious.

Sallystyle · 22/02/2016 08:36

We always go to bed at the same time, well unless I'm on a really early shift and have an extra early night.

We don't sleep in the same room so he comes into my room, we talk for a bit then he goes down to his room. It's wonderful :)

I would have no problem with him going to be earlier or later than me at times, but if it was a regular thing I would really miss our in bed chats. With teens who stay up quite late it's really nice to have that time.

I am sorry for your losses OP Thanks

blueshoes · 22/02/2016 08:38

OP, sorry for your loss.

Dh goes to bed first and I maybe about 1 hour later. I need less sleep than he does. I am also an introvert and after working intensively all day in a busy office and then coming home to household chores, I need some time alone from every single human being to properly decompress.

I can totally identify with your dh, even down to the opening another beer. I would be opening a packet of crisps and loving it. My special time.

MagratsFlyawayHair · 22/02/2016 08:39

YABU. DH and I rarely go to bed at the same time for sleep. He is a night owl and I'm really not. But I don't mind and nor does he. We get plenty of quality time in before 10/11pm when I go up.

1frenchfoodie · 22/02/2016 08:43

YABU. DH is a night owl, and I am an early bird - we rarely got to bed - to sleep Wink - at the same time. You can't impose your sleep pattern on a partner.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 22/02/2016 08:53

YABU, even in your circumstances (for which I sympathise). Sometimes I get pissed off when dh comes to bed very much later than me (we're talking 2.30-3am to my 11pm, for example), if I'd hoped for sex or I knew he was going to be massively tired the next day, but he's usually later than me and tbh we both need our chilling-out-alone time.