...to think couples should (normally) go to bed at the same time?

[Levi49er]

I know IA(probably)BU but I am currently Angry Bed Monster because DH is "not tired" and I don't like being in bed on my own and can't sleep. I do know that different people need different amounts of sleep, obviously, but we have done exactly the same things today and both have to get up at the same time tomorrow and I just don't like being in bed on my own. DH is downstairs playing computer games and drinking. I came to bed at 11 and he said he'd be half an hour. I went down for a wee (downstairs bathroom only) and he was just opening another beer. This happens quite regularly and always annoys me but DH just doesn't get as tired as I do and doesn't need as much sleep. AIBU? I am right? I'm mad. Surely this annoys other people?

I'd be livid if Dh tried to control my bedtimes

We always go to bed at the same time, unless one of us is ill or if one of us goes out without the other. So, 99% of the time. For us, it's part of our evening: we drink tea, play scrabble on our phones, listen to the radio or an audio book, have a cuddle. It helps that we are both early birds!

Ordered to bed at a certain time.
Just like being a child again.

My lazy piece of shit partner normally goes to bed at 9.. No way am I going to bed when he does

I should add that we both choose to go to bed together. We'd never dream of telling each other what to do. That's not healthy in a relationship.

I can see that if you generally get up at the same time in the morning, then most couples are generally going to go to bed at the same time. Which I'm sure if very nice.

But loads of couples do shift work, or one gets up earlier with the DC etc, so being expected to go to bed at the same time then becomes, like a PP says, being like a child ordered to go to bed.

We used to go to bed at the same time pre DCs but now DH tends to have some time to himself of an evening while I go to bed not long after DDs. He works long hours so no other opportunities really. It works for us.

YABU,

We go to bed when we want, DH is a night owl, I'm an early bird.

In fact I hate when dh comes to bed the same as me as I can not sleep.

I find it odd that couples seem to need the exact amount of sleep as each other; I am perfectly happy with six hours sleep - DH needs eight - it would be crazy for either of us to have to 'compromise' in order just to go to bed at the same time.

Timelylass when do you stop feeling sorry for the poor children who have to sleep all on their own? When they're 3? 6? 10? What an utterly irrelevant post and passively aggressively judging every parent who doesn't have their child/ren in bed with them.

It's a tricky one. My husband often stays up later than me as he's just not tired but it really does affect my sleep. I don't sleep properly until he's there and then he often wakes me coming to bed as I'm on edge. I then can't sleep!

There's not really a clear solution though....

I'm surprised at the people who have difficulty sleeping until their partner is in bed beside them!

I find it much easier to go to sleep if there's not there. I get to wriggle in bed without worrying about kicking him, and turn over until I get a comfy position. And I would really, really struggle to sleep if he was using his phone or had on. Quiet and darkness in bed for me.

YABVU! I think an adult should be able to go to bed at whatever time they want.

Thanks for all your replies. I have no idea what got into me last night. First day back to work went as well as could be expected.

Looking back on what some of you have said about living apart - last year I had to work away so DH and I were apart Mon-Fri for 10 months and I was fine! Maybe it is different when he was just downstairs rather than in a different city? Particularly fragile last night given circumstances I think.

My parents always went to bed together it was like a little ritual they had turning lights off having hot milk. Unfortunately I am not like them and nor is himself. He is up very early and I get all my work done at night when bedlam is over. I don't sleep if he is out and nor does he more as I need to ensure the front door is locked and all lights are out. Neither of us has hot milk (maybe that is whats missing). Buy ear plugs they might change your life.

Doesn't annoy me. I'm a lark, Dh is an owl. I quite like having the bed to myself for a couple of hours. Annoys me if he comes to bed early!

I think particularly fragile is perfectly understandable, under the circumstances, levi

YABU, I'm a morning person, DH is an evening person, emphasised even more by working long hours at night when we were in Greece. He will happily go to bed at 2am, get up for school run then go back to bed til 10am. I am asleep on the sofa by 10/11, unless there's something riveting on TV or that has David Tennant in :). I can easily get up at 5am and do my work on the computer, and I love both the alone time in bed in the evening and the peacefulness of the house at that time. He likes having time to watch his TV shows that I don't like. Probably about twice a week we synchronise where I'm energetic and he's tired and we both end up in bed about midnight :) You definitely can't change him, and would you want him to try and change you?

I find this thread strange because me and hubby always go to bed at the same time! Maybe we are just the strange ones!!

Occasionally if he is working really late, I head up to bed and read (or sometimes accidentally fall asleep and then get annoyed when he wakes me up climbing into bed!) , but other than those times, we always go to bed at the same time.

We don't however always go to sleep at the same time though - if one of us isn't tired they put a movie on or get the kindle out.

It's just normal for us though.

I could not sleep if someone was watching a movie or reading in bed beside me, I'd far rather they stayed downstairs and let me get off to sleep.

I like to go to bed at the same time as DH. We need a similar amount of sleep, so works most nights. It's a relaxed time to chat and have big hugs and makes us feel close. If he wants to stay up late and play games downstairs, I must admit I don't like it. But I never make him come to bed earlier than he needs to.
Sorry for your loss OP, I hope you didn't share as a way to justify yourself. You don't need to do that just because the majority sided with your DH. It's difficult if you both need different amounts of sleep. I hope you work something out.

YABU. I wouldnt expect DH to come to bed at 9.30 on school nights. I get up nearly an hour earlier than him, and he usually has an hour on the sofa in the afternoon, he works mornings, and 2 hours in the evening.