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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dd to pay for own flight?

386 replies

bornwithaplasticspoon · 16/02/2016 09:16

We're planning a 3 week trip abroad next year. Dd1 will have just turned 19 and will be living at home while studying. She has a part time job earning roughly £200 a month.

We've decided that she should contribute the £600 for her flight and we'll pay food, accommodation and days out expenses.

I mentioned this to a friend with a dd of the same age and she seemed astonished that we would ask for a contribution.

Dd seems to think it's unfair too but says she'll think about it. She's a great girl who does a lot to help us with younger dc.

What does everyone think and how have you dealt with the situation of taking older children on holiday?

OP posts:

Dontneedausername · 16/02/2016 09:18

If she does a lot to help with your other children, I'd try and pay her flight, food etc but ask her to take her own spending money.
I don't think you can invite your own children and expect them to pay for the actual holiday....

misskatamari · 16/02/2016 09:18

It's a long way off until my dc are that age, but I don't think I'd ask for a contribution. I can sort of see where you're coming from, so don't think you're completely unreasonable, but I would feel quite mean doing it I think

Berthatydfil · 16/02/2016 09:20

Are you paying the equivalent of 3 months wages for your holiday?

Personally I think you are being a bit unfair - it's not like she has a full time job earning an average wage.

If I was her I wouldn't come with you and I would feel very upset as well.

HicDraconis · 16/02/2016 09:20

Are the younger DC expected to contribute to their flights also? I think it's a bit off asking her to come on a family holiday and then expecting her to pay anything, to be honest. You're asking her for 3 months' salary!

PurpleWithRed · 16/02/2016 09:21

I think 3 months' salary is pretty steep - is that how much the holiday is costing you? how would you feel if she decided not to come?

MsVestibule · 16/02/2016 09:21

I'm normally in the 'they're adults, make them pay their way' camp, but if you want her to come with you, even I would pay for her under these circumstances. Three months salary is a lot for her to spend on a family holiday.

Out of interest, is she going on holiday with friends this year?

Dragonsdaughter · 16/02/2016 09:22

If still studing then you pay in my opinion - 3 months wages is alot for a holiday not of her choice where you will no doubt ecpect her to continue helping with the younger children. Plus 3 months at home with no wages for any spends will be miserable.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2016 09:22

I think I'd stay at home if I were her. £600 is a lot when you earn £200/month.

Osolea · 16/02/2016 09:22

If she were earning more then I think it would be reasonable, but she's not earning a lot and will probably have other things she needs to pay for.

I think I'd rather go down the route of charging £50 a month rent or something instead of charging her to go on the family holiday, especially as she's still in education and helps with your other dc.

Remember whatever you choose now will have to be the rule that sticks for your younger children as well when they get to 18/19.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 16/02/2016 09:23

My parents did this when I was a similar age and I respected them for it. You can't ask to be treated like an adult in how your parents act towards you and the things you get to do and then demand to be treated like a child for the privilege of being paid for. You've given her plenty of time to save up and it sounds like she gets to benefit from a holiday she would struggle to afford whilst only paying for the flights. Sounds fair to me! If she will be helping you with the other kids etc you can always give her some extra spending money/take her shopping for new suitcass/holiday clothes etc. I think it's important to learn adult responsibility.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 16/02/2016 09:23

How mean, not only is she still on of your children but sounds like she has to have the younger siblings a lot despite them not being her children.

I'd stay home if I were her. Who'd want to go away with a parent who would charge you for the pleasure then make you babysit the children.

If we take the children away, we pay for it. Never even crossed my mind not too. If we invite their friends we pay for them too.

mouldycheesefan · 16/02/2016 09:23

A contribution is reasonable, three months salary is a it much though! What will she do for money for those three months? Will you end up subsidising her social life and shopping because she has given you three months wages? I think £150 would be more reasonable, £50 per month for three months that still gives her enough to spend.

MyKingdomForBrie · 16/02/2016 09:23

3 months wages?! Christ. My parents took me on holiday whilst I was studying if I wanted to come, I was very grateful. Can you not see how disproportionate to her earnings that is?

AssembleTheMinions · 16/02/2016 09:23

I think it's harsh. 3 months wages to join a family holiday? My eldest is 17 and I can't imagine doing that to her. I love her, I love her company and I would happily pay £600 to have her with us. If she had a full time job earning a half decent way then things may be different.

infife · 16/02/2016 09:24

If I were her I'd stay at home and spend the three weeks getting drunk and shagging rather than hanging out with mum and dad.

Do you have accidental damage insurance at home incidentally? ;)

alltouchedout · 16/02/2016 09:24

That seems quite unfair, tbh. Certainly at that age if I was being asked to spend 3 month's pay on a holiday I'd have gone on my own holiday with friends instead.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 16/02/2016 09:24

Are you expecting her to continue doing a lot to help out with your younger children while on holiday? If so you should pay her fare, you don't get your babysitter to pay for the privilege!

sonjadog · 16/02/2016 09:24

I think 600 pounds is an awful lot to ask for. Do you not want her to come?

If you want her to come on holiday with her, then I think you should treat her like your other children. If you can't afford it without her contributing, then how low could you go?

CockwombleJeff · 16/02/2016 09:24

Not very compassionate behaviour OP I won't be doing it with my DC.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 16/02/2016 09:25

YABU she should save for her spending money, you should pay for the holiday and flights.

mouldycheesefan · 16/02/2016 09:25

Ah just seen she looks after the kids a lot. Presumably you will want her to help with the kids in holiday too. So I wpuld pay th flight and let her pay her own spending money.
£600 is an expensive flight could you go somewhere cheaper if you can't afford it?

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 16/02/2016 09:25

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for a contribution at that age but definitely agree that asking for a contribution of three month's wages is a bit steep!

Janeymoo50 · 16/02/2016 09:27

It's too much based on her earnings and may put her in debt. I would compromise on the amount a bit but it's not totally unreasonable to ask for a "reasonable" contribution towards something.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2016 09:27

I think asking for a contribution in that situation is a cheek, especially if she does a lot of babysitting. I'd be really, really hurt, wouldn't go on the holiday and would start looking for any spare couch I could decamp to (or, as so many friends did, any bed, with any man, just to get away).

honeysucklejasmine · 16/02/2016 09:28

Gosh, that is quite harsh! Agree with pp... She only earns £200 a month! £600 is a huge amount of money to her.

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