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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dd to pay for own flight?

386 replies

bornwithaplasticspoon · 16/02/2016 09:16

We're planning a 3 week trip abroad next year. Dd1 will have just turned 19 and will be living at home while studying. She has a part time job earning roughly £200 a month.

We've decided that she should contribute the £600 for her flight and we'll pay food, accommodation and days out expenses.

I mentioned this to a friend with a dd of the same age and she seemed astonished that we would ask for a contribution.

Dd seems to think it's unfair too but says she'll think about it. She's a great girl who does a lot to help us with younger dc.

What does everyone think and how have you dealt with the situation of taking older children on holiday?

OP posts:
titchy · 16/02/2016 09:28

Sorry agree with others. If her occupation was working full time then fair enough, but she's a student who earns a bit of pocket money in their spare time. 3 months income is a huge amount to ask for. and quite mean of you

Pay for her in full, you can presumably afford it. She can pay her own spending money though.

JessieMcJessie · 16/02/2016 09:28

Presumably she had no say in the destination, so wasn't able to suggest somewhere with cheaper flights? Why not pay the flights but say you'd like it if she paid for dinner one evening?

I'm afraid that at 19 I was over family holidays.

gobbynorthernbird · 16/02/2016 09:28

If my DD was paying £600 for a holiday, you can bet your arse she wouldn't be coming anywhere with me! Therefore, if I want her to come with me, I'll pay.

pieceofpurplesky · 16/02/2016 09:30

How sad. She's your daughter and is studying not working. You either want her there or not - you basically sound as if you want her to pay herself to come and look after younger siblings and you will kindly provide for her food. Hmm

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 16/02/2016 09:30

Your other threads say you are a student too, who's contributing your £600?

Poor girl, all the help she's expected to provide at home for choices you made and on order to be included on a family holiday she has to pay to go.

It's a quick way to show what you think of her that's for sure.

If I was her, I'd use the £600 and go flat share.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2016 09:31

She's not even 19 now. She will have just turned 19 next year.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 16/02/2016 09:31

The thing is, if you're going to be "treating her as an adult" but ignoring the fact she is your quite young adult daughter, who still lives at home, is still studying full time, and helps you out with your other children and that you are including her in a family holiday (not paying for her to go away without you)... then you need to start paying her for the help with her siblings.

If you expect her to pay to go on a family holiday, I would expect you to pay her for the help she gives with your other children. Or do you view it as in return for board? Just from your short post it sounds a bit as though she is the aupair...

I agree with others I would never have gone on a family holiday at the cost of 3 months wages at age 19...

BiddyPop · 16/02/2016 09:32

Our family never had foreign holidays, but drove to a self-catering house for our annual 2 or 3 week holidays. I was married before I went away by plane, in my mid-20s. DPs always paid for the family holiday in its entirety.

If your DD is working, yes perhaps ask for a contribution - but pay for the flights up front. So ask her to get dinner a couple of days or something like that, or to pay you something over the period between now and then to pay towards her flights. But I would book and pay for her flight as part of the general arrangements when you are booking the whole trip.

Mammabrown · 16/02/2016 09:33

Take your DD on holiday let her buy a meal when you are there or something but £600 is 3 months wages its a bit mean

notapizzaeater · 16/02/2016 09:33

But it won't be 3 months wage will it, presume she has travel costs, phone contract etc so will be about 4/5 months disposable income. I'd not pay that. I hope she charges you the going rate for looking after the other kids.

jusdepamplemousse · 16/02/2016 09:33

I'm sorry but I think it is a little unfair. Not a huge deal but still. If you want her to come and have an expectation she will contribute I sort of feel you should have made plans more affordable on her budget.

Frankly if you don't need her to contribute - sounds like this might be the case? - I think you are being a bit mean. To what end? If she's a good kid, helps you out, already knows the value of money? What are you trying to achieve?

Disclaimer: I don't have teenage kids.

BestIsWest · 16/02/2016 09:34

I still pay for my DCs if they want to come on a family holiday. I think that's a lot of money to ask of someone who only earns £200 per month and mean to leave her out. My eldest is 23 by the way. I'd expect some form of contribution but I know they wouldn't be able to afford a lot and I want their company.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/02/2016 09:34

I think the general rule where I live is that if the young person still lives at home, they get paid for but contribute where they can (usually spending money and paying for a meal out for everyone).

When they leave home, or start bringing a partner on holiday, they start funding themselves. The holidays tend to be cheaper for a few years then.

That seems fair to me. (Although it wasn't how it worked for me, because I've never been on holiday with my parents. I have with other peoples!)

whaleshark · 16/02/2016 09:35

Can you afford to pay for her flight? If you can then I think you should. Asking for a contribution is fine, but I think £600 is a lot given what she earns.

CooPie10 · 16/02/2016 09:35

Yabu and very mean. She's still your child living at home. 200 is nothing, you want her to spend 3x that? Very tight of you.

angelos02 · 16/02/2016 09:35

Wouldn't she rather go on holiday abroad with friends at that age? I hope you're not expecting her to do any babysitting while you are away?

YABU by the way.

MattDillonsPants · 16/02/2016 09:37

YABU in my opinion.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 16/02/2016 09:37

That's really bloody mean.

mouldycheesefan · 16/02/2016 09:39

If the daughter decides not to go, the op will have no childcare for the holiday.
I still think it's a very expensive destination at £600 a flight and the op should consider somewhere cheaper so all the family can go.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/02/2016 09:40

Three months wages is too much.

TheFallenMadonna · 16/02/2016 09:41

Do you want her to come with you?

chillycurtains · 16/02/2016 09:42

That's a lot of money to ask for especially if you didn't agree it first. She will be excited about the holiday that she has been invited on but could potentially be unable to afford it now.

I think it's a bit mean. Especially if she helps you often with your younger children.

Jibberjabberjooo · 16/02/2016 09:42

You are being unfair. Your dd is still studying and only earns £200 a month and you want her to spend three months wages on a holiday. Plus all the babysitting she does which I assume you'll expect her to do on holiday too? If I was her, I'd say bugger that and go on holiday with friends instead.

PurpleDaisies · 16/02/2016 09:43

I wouldn't. How long will it take her to save that money? If she had a full time job that would be different but I think asking a full time student to pay three months wages to cone on a family holiday is mean. If you can't afford to go without her massive contribution, go somewhere cheaper.

bigredballoon · 16/02/2016 09:45

if I was 19 and expected to pay for my own flight to holiday with parents I would book a week in Kavos with my mates and go there instead! We paid for all holidays for our DC through university if they wanted to come. Sometimes they did, sometimes they paid for their own trip to a Greek island. The choice was theirs.

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