To ask dd to pay for own flight?

[bornwithaplasticspoon]

We're planning a 3 week trip abroad next year. Dd1 will have just turned 19 and will be living at home while studying. She has a part time job earning roughly £200 a month.

We've decided that she should contribute the £600 for her flight and we'll pay food, accommodation and days out expenses.

I mentioned this to a friend with a dd of the same age and she seemed astonished that we would ask for a contribution.

Dd seems to think it's unfair too but says she'll think about it. She's a great girl who does a lot to help us with younger dc.

What does everyone think and how have you dealt with the situation of taking older children on holiday?

That's unanimous then,is it?

I'd ask for half - £300

We already paid for her driving lessons and two tests this year and are taking her on two holidays this year and a couple of theme park weekends. Ds won't come as he prefers the time alone at home. Younger dd is 9

I presume you are happy for her to say "actually I will stay at home and keep my money thanks"

Asking for a small contribution is one thing but asking for such a large contribution in comparison to income isn't fair

How much do you pay her to babysit OP? Will you be asking her to babysit whilst supposedly on holiday too?

If I was DD, I'd be happily waving you off and spending my £600 going to Ibiza with my mates.

From your update, it sounds like you don't want her to come.

I'd be happy if she went on hols with friends but she doesn't mention it. Last year ds didn't come with us so we gave him some cash instead which he spent on a new computer.

If this is real and not a wind up then yabu , and your drip feed changes nothing.

I assume you are going somewhere like America for the flights to be so expensive and for 3 weeks? If she is in education, is living at home and helps with the other children I think you really should pay for her holiday. She would miss out on a big family holiday if she is expected to save 3 months salary. She will miss out on so much in college if she has no spending money. Not drinking and nights out but what about coffee between classes or a lunch in the pub on a Friday. She might not be inclined to be so helpful with babysitting either. If she goes with you will she be expected to mind other children while her parents are out of the night?

I understand completely that its a big holiday so you want her to contribute but you're asking too much. If she bought her own holiday wardrobe and had spending money would you feel she was contributing? It would be very unfair to ask her to pay for a "family holiday".

My parents brought the family to Orlando a couple of times. When I was a student my holidays were paid for if they were with the family and I saved for my clothes and spending money, same for my siblings. When I was working full time I was expected to pay my own way though they did help out with park tickets and some meals. My mother charged my brothers "rent" when they were working part time of £50 a month but she put that towards their spending money without them knowing as she knew they wouldn't save.

I think you are being mean, especially as you have presented this to your daughter as a fait accompli. For £600 she could choose her own fun holiday with friends. It sounds like you expect her to pay for the privilege of helping you with siblings - even an au pair would have flights paid.

I would rethink in your position - you pay her holiday costs but would like some help with younger children in exchange (same applies to 17yo son), so she just needs to find spending money.

Ds is the eldest. Dd1 is middle child.

If it's not until next year why not compromise and ask for half of the flight, which should be doable over a period of time. She's responsible for her own spending money etc and has veto over whether to babsit on holiday or not, since it's her holiday too. £600 is a lot when you only earn £200/month.

DSD1's mum made her pay for her share of their family holiday when she was 17, didn't do the same for DSD2 when she reacched that age. The level of resentment between the girls, as well as DSD1's resentment of her mum, has ruined their relationship.

If you do want her to come I think it's a bit mean considering her meagre income.
If she had a full time wage, Ywnbu.
Of course she should provide her own spending money.

Are you suggesting you'd rather she didn't come, and are looking for ways to deter her?

She is still on £20 a week pocket money too.

yes another one who says it's out of line with what she's earning, people don't use 3x their take home pay for one holiday. Personally I'd ask for £100 and x amount of 'childcare' for your 9 y o so you and DH can go out to dinner etc.

Op what do you think of the fact that everyone is saying £600 is too much?

Are you for real? On what planet is 3 months worth of her wages reasonable.

I highly doubt she'll come.

yes taking home £280 per month still doesn't equal a £600 flight plus spending money.

For our DD in her 20s we pay for any family holidays and she pays for holidays she goes on with her friends.

I think asking for a contribution is very mean, especially when other siblings aren't being charged, she helps with her siblings and she earns so little.

It doesn't sound like you want her with you to be honest.

Do you give your dd her CB that you still receive because she is in education.