To ask dd to pay for own flight?

[bornwithaplasticspoon]

We're planning a 3 week trip abroad next year. Dd1 will have just turned 19 and will be living at home while studying. She has a part time job earning roughly £200 a month.

We've decided that she should contribute the £600 for her flight and we'll pay food, accommodation and days out expenses.

I mentioned this to a friend with a dd of the same age and she seemed astonished that we would ask for a contribution.

Dd seems to think it's unfair too but says she'll think about it. She's a great girl who does a lot to help us with younger dc.

What does everyone think and how have you dealt with the situation of taking older children on holiday?

dont make her pay for the flight, but if she wants to go she shares a bedroom with ds9

tho seems you have found a place with a small sun room?

and course you need a pool, its going to be very hot and sunny, sure BOTH dd will enjoy the pool and will you and dh

Born, considering that you phrased this wrongly from the outset (it should have said "daughter wants own room on hols, is it fair to ask for a contribution") and also looking at how you've replied, I think you have some issues in communicating.

Re your son being ill, hmm. You never know what's going to happen to anyone at any time. It still sounds like you favour him over her.

Tbh if you can afford for a 19 year old to have her own room, I'd just treat her. I'd have hated to share at that age too.

the poster who wants their children to go to an expensive dinner on their birthday, unbelievable. I hope your kids say no. I can't afford fine dining, I'd turn down anyone who wanted that. I have a mortgage to pay and savings to build! As do your kids, the latter at least.

Yes, lorelei that one was pretty incredible, wasn't it?

Yes, lorelei that one was pretty incredible, wasn't it?

It was along exactly the same lines as the other scenario that involved a ticket and a holiday.

Just adding my voice to those saying YABU.

Our student daughter comes with us, free. I'm so delighted she still wants to!
£600 is a ridiculous amount to ask of a student.

Seriously U!

I would be feeling quite upset and rejected if I was her. Just because you decided to do this big trip this year rather than last year you want her to pay 3 months wages to come?

She might rather spend £600 on a week with her friends instead.

Why intentionally stir up bad feeling with what sounds like a hard working kid who is part of the family team?

Phone her up, apologise, and say you made a bad call asking her to pay.

And no, she obviously doesn't want to share a bed room with her younger sibling, she should have a bit of privacy at that age and with such a large age gap. And having a pool will make the holiday about a hundred times nicer for the whole family not just her.

If I were her and paying I'd be doing absolutely no childcare whilst on the holiday I'd paid for. Meaning that you probably won't get any adult time - bear that in mind. Perfectly reasonable to ask her to take her own spends but that's a lot of money for her to pay for a holiday when she earns so little. For £600 she could get a week in the sun with her friends and no responsibilities...

Surely, if you can afford it, you pay for your children, of whatever age, to participate in things which you choose to do - like family hols and fine dining as birthday celebrations? Otherwise, dial it down financially, or don't expect them to accept invitations where they have to pay more than their circumstances would allow.

I am sure, you thought about it a lot and you are asking her to contribute for a reason. It sounds like an expensive holiday. I don't disagree with the idea of the contribution, but I think you could improve of how you ask the question.

Maybe it would be better to discuss it with her instead of asking her for a fixed amount as I am sure you really want her to come. I think a contribution to the overall she can afford is better than asking her to pay for her particular part even though in reality is the same thing. She is 19, so you could chat to her about the overall cost of the trip and discuss options like you could do something extra together and how nice it would be if she contributes or then you would all miss out if she can't help out. Basically include her in the budgeting of the trip, which will help her understand the reasons for your request and might actually teach her something, too.
Hope it all works out and you have a great holiday! x

When I was 20 and living at home I was basically told I was coming on holiday for 2 weeks with my parents, sister (aged 17 with her two friends), our younger brother and another family, no choice in the matter. I was to pay for my own holiday, along with my sis and the two friends, which was roughly £850 each! I earned £11k but my sister was working for minimum wage in a shop. The arrangement was we would "do our own thing" but of course that didn't happen, and didn't stop my mum interfering in how we spent our time. I was basically brought along to keep an eye on my sister and her friends, and paid through the nose for it. Staying at home wasn't an option (was spun a story about how I couldn't, they had paid a deposit for me etc, all a lot of balls). YABU and I would not expect my daughters to pay their own holiday if I was inviting/telling them to go too. FWIW my parents brought us up to be independent and good with money but that was a step too far, I certainly believe anyway.