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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

H2B wants 8 days stag-do

258 replies

here4help88 · 14/02/2016 13:36

H2B left the stag-do plans to his best man who has planned an 8 day trip to Las Vegas. I think this is ridiculous as it will have to be 9 days (possibly 10) as they need to stay overnight in London due to flight times. I think this is an absolute piss take, that's a holiday not a stag party and we have a three year old. I've tried to talk to him about it and his answer is he hasn't planned it so nothing can be done. Basically shut up he's going. I'm really really angry about it all to be honest. AIBU?

OP posts:
BloodyDogHairs · 14/02/2016 13:38

Defo not being unreasonable! I'd be pissed off too.

VimFuego101 · 14/02/2016 13:38

YANBU. Who is going with them, do you think they'll actually be able to afford it?

ilovesooty · 14/02/2016 13:39

That's a holiday and an awful lot of annual leave and money.

CointreauVersial · 14/02/2016 13:40

Well, I'd be looking into where I could go for a nine-day Hen Do. Leave him with 3yo.

EthelMercaptan · 14/02/2016 13:42

Seriously?! That's ridiculous. Why does it have to be so long? Are you going to get to do the same?

MintyChops · 14/02/2016 13:44

Jesus! That is completely ridiculous.

BackforGood · 14/02/2016 13:45

No, YANBU.
It is a lot of (family) money and a lot of (family) time and a lot of Annual Leave being used from his allowance.
He's being ridiculous.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/02/2016 13:45

I'd have no issue with a lads holiday but I know many do.

Likewise if my friends had arranged something and my fiancé told me I couldn't go then there would be no wedding. Adults don't control other adults if they are decent.

Unless there's a huge drip feed to follow where he's not working/earning or forbids you to do stuff etc then YABU.

EthelMercaptan · 14/02/2016 13:45

Also, how long before the wedding is this taking place? Will he still have enough leave for a honeymoon?

WineIsMyMainVice · 14/02/2016 13:46

I too would start planning my 8/9 day hen do and leave him with DC! See what he says then!

I would also be rather pissed off that there was no discussion with you about this before plans were made!

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 13:48

He doesn't know where they're going as it's supposed to be a surprise (one of the lads going told me the plans) so he just keeps telling me that's how long it is and there's nothing he can do about it. H2B and I are paying for it - we both have a 10k budget for the hen and stag do - long story but unique situation. So I could choose to do the same but I think it's ridiculous, I'm a 28 year old mother I don't want to start doing things out of spite. I'm really upset and angry about it all, don't even know what to say. when I bring it up he makes out I'm controlling etc and he should be able to go away with friends and just keeps playing the "don't be angry with me I didn't plan it" card. He's going away for 5 days in March with them all to Amsterdam so I'm not controlling and I don't stop him doing things!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 13:52

He's self-employed so the annual leave isn't a factor for us really. I just personally don't feel it's acceptable for him to go off for 10 days and leave me to look after our son while he's out with all his single friends (I know I'm sounding more and more bitter and twisted as the messages go on - I'm a really nice reasonable person normally lol!!)

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Genx77 · 14/02/2016 13:53

You marry this man and you're in for a lifetime of this bullshit man child behaviour. My husband goes away with his friends as do I, but 8 days?? It's a joke, I think the important thing here is that he WANTS to go for 8 days, my husband and indeed most decent men would be contacting the best man and saying 'listen, I'm up for a long weekend somewhere but 8 days is too much, too much money and time off work, plus y'know I've got a kid' but it sounds like your fiancée doesn't really give a shit about any of that.

VegasIsBest · 14/02/2016 13:54

If you can afford it as a couple then let him go and enjoy himself. Vegas is amazing and would be brilliant for a boys' trip. Life doesn't stop just because you're a parent.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/02/2016 13:54

So there's a £10k budget agreed for a hen do and stag do, yet he's not actually allowed to spend it? On that kind of money it was always going to involve a break away. What did you anticipate happening when you set the amount?

Sheer madness as its not like a last minute hoorah before settling down as their are already children. That £20k could have covered uni fees.

lifeisasongworthsinging · 14/02/2016 13:54

Normally Id say leave the man alone, if he has the money and the leave available then why not, he isn't owned. But in this case? In the 1st instance its so very rude of the best man to arrange this with no thought that its a celebration of a wedding, not an 8 day run wild lads piss up.OK they may do that anyway, but it doesn't need to be for so long and so far away. Tit for tat can be childish but in your shoes my hen celebrations would be just as long. Then again.. not good, just before your wedding, this kind of thing leaves a bad atmosphere. Sorry you're angry but what can you do, really.... the best man is obviously God and your DH to be acquiesces. Best man won't care about a small thing like bride and groom unhappy and arguing, roll on holiday of a lifetime.....

Genx77 · 14/02/2016 13:55

If this goes ahead you've basically given him the green light. There will be endless stag so's, 30th's, 40th's etc etc and he'll believe he's got the 'right' because 'they all came on my stag do so I've got to go on theirs'.....

LizzieMacQueen · 14/02/2016 13:55

Don't watch 'The Hangover'

Are you sure this friend is not pulling your leg?

JohnLuther · 14/02/2016 13:55

Well with that kind of budget what did you think was going to happen?

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 13:57

I think that's part of why I'm so upset Genx, he thinks it's great and can't wait to go. I was planning Vegas with my friends but when I realised it was going to be a minimum of 6 days I totally changed the plan because it's not right is it.

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Lj8893 · 14/02/2016 13:58

£10k for a stag do and you expect him not to go away?! If I had had £10k for my hen do I would probably have gone to Vegas!

NNalreadyinuse · 14/02/2016 13:59

I wouldn't marry this man child. Do you want to be saddled for the rest of your life with a man who disregards your opinion and just does whatever the fuck he likes? It's bs to say he has no control over this - he wants to go.

Personally, I think that parents have no right buggering off for over a week without clearing it with the other parent, who will ge doing their share of the child care.

NotDavidTennant · 14/02/2016 14:00

You're getting a very clear signal here that this is what is going to be happening throughout your marriage.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 14/02/2016 14:01

I think if you can afford it then it's ok? It might not be what you would do (and I think that's what you are most hurt about maybe-that he doesn't think the same way as you?) but I don't see the issue with having 8 days away-people do it for work all the time and it's only a one off.If it was going to an annual event then it would be less acceptable. It won't impact on your wedding or honeymoon in any way.
I get that you are hurt because he wants to spend 8 days without you but he likely sees it as just 8 days out of a life and not that big a deal.i know you have said you wouldn't want to but would he be supportive of you if you did say you were going away for a week and he would be looking after dc?

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 14:02

Not pulling my leg at all. I never expected him to stay home and have a quick drink down the local but what could easily be 10 days away is ridiculous. Like you say it's meant to be a celebration of the wedding but his friends are all single and have no commitments and think they've won the lottery getting 10k for a free holiday - something I would never have done. He couldn't possibly put the best man out by saying he should be a bit more reasonable, it's better for us to argue and the best man get his way.

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