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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

H2B wants 8 days stag-do

258 replies

here4help88 · 14/02/2016 13:36

H2B left the stag-do plans to his best man who has planned an 8 day trip to Las Vegas. I think this is ridiculous as it will have to be 9 days (possibly 10) as they need to stay overnight in London due to flight times. I think this is an absolute piss take, that's a holiday not a stag party and we have a three year old. I've tried to talk to him about it and his answer is he hasn't planned it so nothing can be done. Basically shut up he's going. I'm really really angry about it all to be honest. AIBU?

OP posts:
Manopaws · 14/02/2016 14:02

If you've got £10k each to spend on stag/hen do then let him and if you want to do it then do it. this is a last single thing either of you will do as long as your friends are able to afford it i don't see the problem.

Trills · 14/02/2016 14:03

Can his friends all take that amount of time off work to go with him?

NuckyT · 14/02/2016 14:04

£10k for stag and hen do??

What did you think that would be spent on?

GruntledOne · 14/02/2016 14:04

If someone expected me to give up 9 days of holiday to go on a stag or hen do, I'd be telling them to get lost.

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 14:06

It's not the going away that I'm bothered about, like I said he's going to Amsterdam for 5 days in March. It's the length of time to just up and leave us without even talking about it. He went away for 5 days a couple of weeks ago on business and it's a long time when I'm looking after our son alone. It I wanted to go I know he wouldn't be happy but the childcare etc wouldn't bother him as he would just have his mother come and stay so he does nothing

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 14/02/2016 14:07

If it will make your life a misery for the 9-10 actual days he'll be gone, as you work to juggle your job and care for your 3 year old, he shouldn't be going away for that long. He has responsibilities. A long weekend is one thing; this sounds like he's taking the piss and leaving you to cover for him at home 'because he wants to'.

Trills · 14/02/2016 14:07

NuckyT has a good question.

Did it not cross your mind that "you can spend £10k", would turn into "definitely do spend £10k", which would turn into a very big outing?

silverfoxofwarwick1952 · 14/02/2016 14:08

It must be a very unique situation where you each get £10k for your respective hen and stag do's but do not seem to get to be able to put that money towards something else - ie your future.

Very unique indeed.

Fairenuff · 14/02/2016 14:09

There is no way on earth I would marry a man who would spend family money without consulting me, take a long holiday away from the family without agreeing it with me first, assume he can just leave his child for ten days without checking with me first and have the attitude 'shut up he's going'.

But that's me.

You obviously want to marry him and you know what he's like. This can't be a surprise to you surely?

EweAreHere · 14/02/2016 14:09

And he's already planning another week away ... ? Wow. I'm not sure I'd marry someone who thinks it's constantly ok to dump his responsibilities on his partner so he can keep living like he's single.

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 14:10

Tbh as a grown man with a family I expected him to not take the piss. Much in the same way I haven't with the same budget. A Vegas stag do is one thing, but 10 days? I think his friends are happy to take 10 days leave as they're having an all expenses paid trip to Vegas and like I said are single and have no commitments so have no reason to keep their annual leave days saved up.

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 14/02/2016 14:10

" I was planning Vegas with my friends"

So essentially you are pissed off because his best man is a better organiser than you

Wardrobespierre · 14/02/2016 14:11

Stag and hen dos are getting ridiculous. My lovely colleague is getting so stressed because she's a bridesmaid this autumn and the bride is having three bloody hen dos. One is a week abroad, one a long weekend in London and one weekend in the Peaks. She feels like she has to go but it's financially crippling, time consuming and ruddy selfish.

Wolpertinger · 14/02/2016 14:12

How many of his friends can take that amount of time off for two stag dos Confused?

Also, what exactly do you think he will be doing in Amsterdam for 5 days? My DH could spend this in the Rijksmuseum - I'm guessing not yours?

Finally, you aren't married and he already thinks you are controlling!

Run like the fucking wind.

iminshock · 14/02/2016 14:12

You still haven't answered what you expected of a 10 k stag do budget.
That's the part I don't understand.
If you are really well off, fair play , but what did you honestly expect ? How would one go about spending 10 k in , say 5 days ?

I can't get my head round agreeing that budget, but that's not really the issue as I'm not rich .

iminshock · 14/02/2016 14:13

does the 10k pay for your friends too?

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 14:13

It's very unique in that spending 10k for hen and stag dos doesn't impact on us finically at all but that's really not something I wanted to go in to. Not being rude sorry if it comes across that way. If I mentioned that he wanted to live like he as single it would cause an almighty argument and would lead to him telling me I'm totally ridiculous.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 14/02/2016 14:14

YANBU.

You're not being controlling, it's not about that. It's the fact that a) it's a long and selfish time to leave you alone as you BOTH have a child now. b) he's pretending it's not his responsibility, which it is. He can easily say 8 days is too long. Plus the jet lag will leave him as good as useless for a few days afterwards, so call it 12 days of coping on your own.

I'd be pissed off too. Plus the guests will have to have a lot of annual leave and money to go as well.

Stags and Hens have gone way overboard in my opinion to the point of silliness now.

iminshock · 14/02/2016 14:14

Just noticed you said his friends are being paid for.
Boldly hell. Are you completely loaded ?( none of my business )

BackforGood · 14/02/2016 14:14

What silverfox said.

I can't understand if you already both decided you would have £10~K to spend on each of your stag/hen dos, that it never crossed your mind that would involve a long holiday abroad.

I can't get my head round someone earning so well that taking an extra 9 days leave (extra, over normal family time and also wedding time) doesn't impact considerably on their earnings if they are self employed. So, even if it's not 'annual leave', it still has an impact on your family.

I can't get my head round anyone spending £10K on a stag do or hen weekend as a youngs couple - surely there are things (like a mortgage?) you'd be better putting your money towards?

iminshock · 14/02/2016 14:16

backforgood, looks like he is paying his mates expenses.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/02/2016 14:16

" If I mentioned that he wanted to live like he as single it would cause an almighty argument and would lead to him telling me I'm totally ridiculous."
But he does want to live like a single man. And he's pointing that out very clearly to, and underlined in red.

ProfGrammaticus · 14/02/2016 14:17

Surely you can't spend £10k without going away for a week?

Original poster
here4help88 · 14/02/2016 14:17

10k pays for friends, flights hotels etc. It wasn't "let's make sure we spend 10k" it was "don't go over 10k that's the absolute limit". I expected him to have a good time and enjoy himself. I decided against Vegas because flights were too expensive to go direct so would have to do stop overs and the time mounted up. Like I said I decided against it because we would be away for too long.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 14/02/2016 14:18

x-posted with several....

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