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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stay at a friends house?

199 replies

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 16:47

This has caused a lot of tension between me and DH but I just don't see the problem with it so please tell me AIBU?

I have a female friend at work whose house I go to one night a week for tea. Because we like to have a glass of wine (and watch a film in our pj's) I stay over and go straight to work the next day.

My DH has no issue with me going for tea, but doesn't like me staying over night and would rather I come home. I see no problem with it, we don't have children so have no commitment at home and I am always in the other 6 nights and have no hobbies.

We have agreed to disagree on it, I am still going every week but he is sulking about it every time.

So AIBU to stay out overnight every week?

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByABear · 06/02/2016 16:49

Hmm. Not sure. I can see both sides.

expatinscotland · 06/02/2016 16:50

Hmm. It all sounds a little Brokeback Mountain to me.

gamerchick · 06/02/2016 16:50

I don't think either of you are out of order. I don't think I would like my husband sleeping elsewhere once a week but our set up is different.

He's allowed not to like it just as you're allowed to do what you want.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2016 16:51

YANBU at all.

What reason has he given?

Murphyslaw21 · 06/02/2016 16:52

Difficult but can I ask you how would you feel if once a week he stayed at a friends house. And be honest

Quoteunquote · 06/02/2016 16:52

Could she come over to yours and stay the night occasionally, then he could get to know her.

And why does it bother him, has he said.

I would love to have a free house every now and then.

MadameDePompom · 06/02/2016 16:52

I don't really understand why he'd be put out by this.

PotteringAlong · 06/02/2016 16:53

I wouldn't like it either. It sounds a bit odd to me that grown women would watch films in their pj's and drink so much wine they couldn't get themselves home every week on a work night.

RudeElf · 06/02/2016 16:53

What is his reason?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/02/2016 16:53

I think YABU.

Once in a while fine. A weekly arrangement, not so much.

Original poster

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 16:53

He goes away with friends at least twice a year for a long weekend and will stay at a friends sometimes if he goes into town drinking to save me picking him up.

He doesn't say why, just that he likes to go to bed with me. I've said I like to go to bed with him too, but for one night I want to see a friend and it is just easier to stay over as she lives 30 minutes away.

OP posts:

Brightnorthernlights · 06/02/2016 16:53

Sleepover/tea every work with work colleague does seem a bit excessive, but can see both sides.

ArkATerre · 06/02/2016 16:54

I think I'd rather get a taxi and go home to my own bed as once in a while is me thing but every week would be a bit much.
It's nothing to do with your DH though, so he is being a baby for sulking about it.

tkndnv · 06/02/2016 16:54

He is being totally unreasonable. Why on earth should he object? YANBU.

Oysterbabe · 06/02/2016 16:54

Sounds fine to me as there's no kids.

Original poster

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 16:55

She has kids so can't stay here during the week, but she does stay in school holidays sometimes and brings them with her.

I honestly wouldn't mind at all if he stayed out one night every week. I love having the place to myself.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 06/02/2016 16:55

What's good for the goose is good for the gander

Tell him you're happy not to do it if he never stays anywhere over night again

Maybe that'll make him realise he's being a bit unreasonable (or slightly controlling). I can't bear sulking, find it really annoying.

RudeElf · 06/02/2016 16:56

It sounds a bit odd to me that grown women would watch films in their pj's and drink so much wine they couldn't get themselves home every week on a work night.

My sister is grown 28YO and does this regularly. She lives with my parents and doesnt drink so its nothing to with "drinking so much wine". Is it odd that she does it too?

theycallmemellojello · 06/02/2016 16:56

I think you're within your rights to do so obviously, but I'd be sad and hurt if my DH stayed away one night per week. How hard is it to get back?

Original poster

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 16:57

Pottering along- I only have 2 glasses, but I wouldn't drive after one.

If I drove back home it would mean a 10pm drive in the dark for 30 no it's on country roads. So it has always just seemed more sensible to stay over and genuinely didn't think it would be an issue for him.

OP posts:

theycallmemellojello · 06/02/2016 16:57

Xpost - she lives 30 mins away?? I can see why he's hurt.

MadameDePompom · 06/02/2016 16:58

I honestly wouldn't mind at all if he stayed out one night every week. I love having the place to myself.

I think that's it then. He takes it a personal snub whereas you don't see time away from each other as being an unpleasant thing.

I'm like you. I love having the place to myself from time to time.

RudeElf · 06/02/2016 16:59

XPost - she lives 30 mins away?? I can see why he's hurt.

Why?

Arfarfanarf · 06/02/2016 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 17:01

Yes she lives around 30 minutes away from my house.

She lives closer to our work as I travel 50 minutes to get work.

OP posts:

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