To stay at a friends house?

[Snowberry86]

This has caused a lot of tension between me and DH but I just don't see the problem with it so please tell me AIBU?

I have a female friend at work whose house I go to one night a week for tea. Because we like to have a glass of wine (and watch a film in our pj's) I stay over and go straight to work the next day.

My DH has no issue with me going for tea, but doesn't like me staying over night and would rather I come home. I see no problem with it, we don't have children so have no commitment at home and I am always in the other 6 nights and have no hobbies.

We have agreed to disagree on it, I am still going every week but he is sulking about it every time.

So AIBU to stay out overnight every week?

[AvaLeStrange]

I think he's being particularly UR as you are staying over on a night when he's out anyway.

Is your friend single by any chance? I wonder if her (presumably mistakenly) thinks she's 'leading you astray'. I've known a few men who are a bit weird like that.

DH's best mate stays over with us once a month or so (admittedly he's not local but it's a very regular thing), and my best mate will stay over if she comes round on a weekend evening...really not odd at all.

[Onlyonamonday]

I too am shocked by the amount of people who say it's weird ?? 🤔
I have a friend who is 30 mins away and occasionally myself and a group of other friends will go over and stay the night.
Dh has no problem what so ever .. Never has .. Think he likes the chance for a night to himself with sports on tv.
Why would it be a problem .. ? Both my dds are young adults now but right from when they were little he was fine about it. He'd have great fun with them and both girls remember their "dad nights"
Happily Married for 22 years ☺️

[Postchildrenpregranny]

I speak as one who goes away with two different sets of women friends for a few days once a year . And I sometimes spend a couple of days in London staying with my DD , meeting friends, going to theatre etc DH has no problem with this . But I think he would find it odd if I spent one night a week watching a DVD in my pjs with one particular friend and stayed over . I can't put my finger on it but I think it's a strange thing to do too . I think it might be the frequency and 'exclusivity '/ intimacy of it. Do you see other friends ? It's the sort of thing teenagers do with their 'best friend' .
I am NOT suggesting married women shouldn't have and cultivate friendships . I have a wide circle of women friends and often have lunch,go to the cinema, theatre, shopping etc with many of them . I suspect its the fact its always the same person that irks him

[witsender]

I don't think you are at all unreasonable to do it. I think it is a bit odd though, the PJ thing with a work colleague every week. But we all have different friendships.

[FrameyMcFrame]

Ahhh no. Don't stop your fun nights for him. What's the problem?

Does he want you to have no fun at all???

Blah, keep doing it and enjoy your friendship

[LotsOfShoes]

Once a month - fine. Every week - weird. So he sees you in the morning and then again 36 hours later? That is a lot of time away from your partner on weekly basis and there's a big difference between coming home at 9.30 and spending the night somewhere else. YABU. I can see why he's upset. He's not being controlling or chipping away at your friendships (every adult I know has no problem maintaining friendships without weekly pj parties) and he has every right to be upset that his wife chooses to spend a night away every week.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

Once a week seems a lot to me. Once a month I could get.

[LotsOfShoes]

What Postchildrenpregranny said - the frequency and intimacy of it is what makes it weird for a grown woman.

[FrameyMcFrame]

And this 'grown women' shouldn't do pjs and films with friends!

Why the fuck not? What are grown women allowed to do then?

Surely make their own mind up about how they spend their time??

[gatewalker]

Bloody hell! The number of people who would be upset by this is quite alarming.

[Xmasbaby11]

Yanbu. I'd do the same if my best friend lived as near as that. We used to stay up til at least midnight chatting on our pyjamas at her house. We didn't drink so I drove home but I did stay over other times.

[Soooosie]

I do this. It's great. DH is happy with the arrangement as he has some mates over

[QOD]

I stay out a fair amount. Not as regularly as once a.week. just easier Than trying to get home as my 2 groups of.friends are 10 miles 1 way or 9 the other

[WorraLiberty]

I agree it's alarming and despite having read every single post, I still haven't seen a reasonable explanation for the 'hurt' it would cause.

[Xmasbaby11]

I'm shocked how many people think it's odd. I think saying colleague is misleading - she is clearly a close friend.

I miss those close friendships - I don't have somuch time and freedom for a weekly get together as i have 2dc.

My Dh would absolutely not have a problem with this. He loves having the house to himself.

[stitch10yearson]

Its the sort of thing that when you are in a relationship with someone, you listen to their wants, even the unreasonable ones. I think you are being unreasonable to do this on a regular basis, when 1, he doesnt like it, and 2, there isnt any actual need for it.

[RiverTam]

God, I'm astonished at the number of people who have a problem with! How possessive and controlling.

[Postchildrenpregranny]

Sorry frame DVD, wine and Pjs occasionally with friends maybe . ( i have a widowed friend who sometimes does similar 'sleepovers' with a lesbian couple and one of them's daughter(they live together) But not weekly and not always with the same person. I suspect the OPs DH is slightly jealous and I can empathise .

[razmataz]

Meh I'm with you OP - I really can't see the problem at all. It's not as if you have kids or commitments that you're leaving him with.

I've been with my partner for almost ten years now and we live together - but we have our own friends and our own hobbies. We spend lots of time together but neither of us bats an eyelid if we make separate plans too - generally not involving an overnight stay but sometimes it does and I really couldn't care less and nor could he. He doesn't own me and I don't own him - if either of us started getting stroppy about something like this I'd consider it to be very unreasonable.

Genuinely can't see the issue here, nor why it would be weird for you to watch a film and have a glass of wine in your PJs with a female friend. Being married or having a long term partner doesn't mean you can't enjoy a girly night in, and why shouldn't it be weekly? When my closest female friend lived nearby we'd do this all the time, sometimes at mine, sometimes at hers. A non issue as far as I'm concerned.

[MadameDePompom]

Not sure I'd like to live my life like that stitch. Giving up things I enjoyed doing because my partner didn't like it. That's a dangerous road to go down.

[RudeElf]

Wow people are really obsessed with this idea that OP wears pyjamas at her friend's house. I change into jammies as soon as i get home most evenings. If i was staying with my friend i was close enough to stay over with then i'd do the same there! Its nothing to do witj being intimate and everything to do with being comfortable. People are odd. Looking for dodgy motives when there arent any.

[JohnLuther]

I wouldn't care but it's slightly weird I guess because she's your work colleague and you both watch films together in your PJ's.

[stumblymonkey]

I can see both sides so I think this is a compromise situation...can you drink every other week or every three weeks and stay over and the other nights have a cup of tea or something fizzy but non-alcoholic and go home?

[RudeElf]

there isnt any actual need for it.

Seriously? There isnt any actual need for a shit load of things! We do them for pleasure, convenience, saving money.