To stay at a friends house?

[Snowberry86]

This has caused a lot of tension between me and DH but I just don't see the problem with it so please tell me AIBU?

I have a female friend at work whose house I go to one night a week for tea. Because we like to have a glass of wine (and watch a film in our pj's) I stay over and go straight to work the next day.

My DH has no issue with me going for tea, but doesn't like me staying over night and would rather I come home. I see no problem with it, we don't have children so have no commitment at home and I am always in the other 6 nights and have no hobbies.

We have agreed to disagree on it, I am still going every week but he is sulking about it every time.

So AIBU to stay out overnight every week?

[OnlyLovers]

OP, you don't need to justify yourself by laying out the details of your social life.

Those posters scoffing, sneering and being prurient need a serious word with themselves, that's all.

[Snowberry86]

Thanks everyone, some of the more recent posts have been a lot more mature and thought out!

I do have lots of friends who I see at various times so don't focus all my energy into this one friend. I speak to my best male friend on the phone weekly, I see a close female friend once a month for dinner and I see other friends during school holidays as I only work term time.

[redskirt3]

YANBU

[whois]

Sounds like a lot of people on here are envious you've got a close relationship with this friend. All the 'teenager-ish' sneers are uncalled for. How is spending time with a friend teenager-ish? She doesn't have kids to look after FFS.

[whois]

It sounds a bit odd to me that grown women would watch films in their pj's and drink so much wine they couldn't get themselves home every week on a work night.

What a horrible post. 'Not being able to get themselves home' is like, of wine! Very sensible not to drink and drive.

I frequently stay over at my best friends. We have dinner together, watch shit TV and chat. Much nicer to get into bed in her spare room than make the journey home.

I don't like to 'crash' but by prior arrangement so I've got my PJs and slippers and toothbrush with me I love it.

[OnlyLovers]

Your DH is being a twat. It's just double standards if he also stays over with friends sometimes.

I think those sneering at it being 'teenagerish' and 'weird', and asking why the OP can't just drive home, should butt the hell out.

[toffeeboffin]

I do not see the problem with this at all

[Grapejuicerocks]

Only thing I find "weird" is the idea that driving for 30 minutes is an issue. Unless medical problems exist of course before the usual suspects jump in with that one

It isn't an issue but why do it if you don't have to, especially if you like a glass of wine or two? And you save a 30 minute drive the next morning.

I'd be happy driving it but I'd be happier not having to do it.

[BoffinMum]

For me its frequency as well. But there you go. Each to her own.

[leelu66]

YANBU. Having friends that you're comfortable enough to stay over with and veg out on the sofa with is a blessing.

It's fine that he misses you, but it's not fine that he 'sulks' because you're staying with a friend once a week. It's not even a weekend night, it's a bloody worknight.

Tell him that you 'miss him' when he's out till 11pm at night or doing his hobby on a WEEKEND but wouldn't dream of sulking about it, so why does he think he can.

[kali110]

I don't think it's weird op.
I did this before igot ill.
I used to Go away with two girlfriends to seaside once a year too!
My dh always used to tell me to have a good time. I first used to ask if it bothered him and he always said "no, why would it?".
He goes to the pub with friends by himself and i'm not bothered either.
Just because we're together doesn't mean we have to do everything together.

[AnotherCider]

Oh and if your DH continues to sulk, tell him you'll move it to a night when he's at home alone all evening which he'll like even less, or you'll make it 2 nights.

[AnotherCider]

Oh Op, your set up sounds brilliant! Its ever so relaxing after a fun moochy evening to curl up in bed without driving to get home. We've set up our guest room so that friends can do exactly that, but very few ever take us up in the offer so I know that lots of people prefer making the trek home in order to sleep in their bed.

It all gets harder when you have DC so make the most if it now.

My only concern, you seem to be focussing all your friend energy on 1 friend. THAT isn't healthy in the long term. You really need a variety of friends. (Apologies if you do have lots of friends that you see at other times.)

[CottonFrock]

Only thing I find "weird" is the idea that driving for 30 minutes is an issue. Unless medical problems exist of course before the usual suspects jump in with that one

But isn't the issue that the OP wants to have a few glasses of wine?

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

My best friend used to live about 5 minutes walk from me and she would regularly come over to ours (often in her pj's) to watch a bit of telly.If it was cold or she just couldn't be bothered to go home she just used to kip on the sofa. I find it odd that people find it odd!Now she has moved about 30 mins away she will come and usually stays for the same reasons the OP has given for staying at her friends house.Its usually her coming to me as I have kids and she doesn't.Its company for both of us really and she is like family to me.Im not sure why it's teenage behaviour to have a close friend that you like to spend time with (whilst wearing 'lounge wear' for comfort )

[HappenstanceMarmite]

Only thing I find "weird" is the idea that driving for 30 minutes is an issue. Unless medical problems exist of course before the usual suspects jump in with that one

[HerrenaHarridan]

It's good to see that the ride is definitely swaying towards the same and rational.

No only can the dh not give a valid reason not one person here has managed to either. I really respect the two posters who admits they would be uncomfortable but refrain from Ineffective explanations such as its weird, teenagerish etc. I think it's really helpful to recognise how you feel and leave the space open to analyse where it comes from instead of allocating spurious reasons.

As a society the way we handle sexual and non sexual relationships is changing, contraception, the Internet, lengthing life spans and so many other factors are making people realise they don't have to live life the way their parents did, they done have to force themselves into a heteronormative nuclear family if it doesn't feel right.

Personally I passionately believe in the value of deep, intimate (do not read sexual when I say intimate) affectionate, loving friendships.

I surround myself with people who feel the same, I invest in them with time, money and energy and find them deeply fulfilling, much more so than anything that ever came out of a shop.

If I get with a partner who doesn't like this about me that's fair enough and I wish them all the best in finding someone more suited the them

In stark contrast to the ops reserved pjs and two glasses of wine sleep overs I have 3 spare mattresses that I pull out to make a giant floor bed which a varied group of us share in an non sexual way, post a hard nights intensive dancing there is nothing better than to get into the giant bed with all my plushest blankets and cups of tea and snuggle in a messy heap.

Life is about much more than what is normal,

Create the world you want to live in.

[MissingPanda]

I suspect that if the OP went clubbing with her friend every week and stayed over at her friend's nobody would bat an eyelid. However, because she's watching dvds in her pjs some posters think it's weird [ confused]

OP YANBU

[Grapejuicerocks]

He ibu. I hate people who become joined at the hip when part of a couple.

However he is being especially unreasonable expecting you to forgo a couple of glasses of wine just to have the pleasure of a 30 minute drive along dark, windy country roads to arrive home then do the return 30 minute extra drive in the morning to get back to work. An extra hour of driving just so you sleep in the same bed as him. Madness. It's not practical purely from a logistical PoV, let alone the jealousy/feeling sorry for himself all alone in that big bed, side.

[MadHattersWineParty]

Right, so there's no children at home, just a grown adult man? One night a week he doesn't 'like' you staying over with a mate? It's not every week but my DP regularly stay at his mate's if they're watching the boxing or drinking and watching football. If I'be not got plans myself I'll chill out at home and stick on whatever I want on Netflix and stretch out in bed and enjoy the time to myself!

I though that was normal.

Really don't see the issue. Why is drinking wine in your pjs with a close mate and then staying over in her house weird? I really want to know!

[Xmasbaby11]

It's nice to have a bit of time apart from dp so you have chance to miss each other!

[LondonStill83]

I think he is being unreasonable!

Who cares? It's one night a week and girl time is super important.

But then I am like you- it wouldn't bother me if DH stayed around a friends once a week; I enjoy my own space and having the bed to myself!

[Hrafnkel]

I have known my bf for 33 years. We have slept in the same bed as kids/teenagers, travelled the world together. It would be completely natural for us to have this kind of night - and we would probably share a bed too

I am astounded at the negative responses on this thread. Astounded.

[GernotMinke]

I find it more weird and teenagerish, that some of you can't bear to be away from your dhs

[CottonFrock]

This thread gets weirder and weirder. The one night a week where the OP sleeps over at her friends' place is inappropriately 'intense', 'teenage', probably lesbian, and completely incomprehensible to some posters who will only sleep in their own beds or who would miss their husbands too much?