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AIBU?

To stay at a friends house?

199 replies

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 16:47

This has caused a lot of tension between me and DH but I just don't see the problem with it so please tell me AIBU?

I have a female friend at work whose house I go to one night a week for tea. Because we like to have a glass of wine (and watch a film in our pj's) I stay over and go straight to work the next day.

My DH has no issue with me going for tea, but doesn't like me staying over night and would rather I come home. I see no problem with it, we don't have children so have no commitment at home and I am always in the other 6 nights and have no hobbies.

We have agreed to disagree on it, I am still going every week but he is sulking about it every time.

So AIBU to stay out overnight every week?

OP posts:

Report

gatewalker · 06/02/2016 18:00

"I suspect the OPs DH is slightly jealous and I can empathise ."

So you suggest that pandering to jealousy is constructive, Post?

I am so fucking relieved to read the few sane voices on here that are suggesting that it might actually be a good thing to be an independent, free-thinking adult who has their own friendships and pursuits outside of their marriage.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 06/02/2016 18:01

Sounds lovely. Don't stop doing it because he's being a twat.

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 18:02

Yes she is more than a work colleague, we are good friends- I barely see her at work.

Yes she has a partner but he works away a few nights a week. I don't think he has an issue with it.

I have several close friends I would happily sit and watch a film in my pj's with. Can't see how such an activity could be teenage ish, we are both in our 30's and I never even considered it weird.

OP posts:

RiverTam · 06/02/2016 18:02

Most of my closest friends are those I've made at work. I'm even married to someone who started off as a 'work colleague'!

acasualobserver · 06/02/2016 18:02

there isnt any actual need for it

Well, there isn't an actual need for loads of the things people do.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2016 18:02

I agree with a PP who said the use of the word 'colleague' is a bit misleading in this particular scenario.

Even the OP describes her as a friend at work.

MadameDePompom · 06/02/2016 18:03

it's slightly weird I guess because she's your work colleague and you both watch films together in your PJ's.

I think first and foremost they're friends. It's not just someone she nods at when they pass in the corridor

gatewalker · 06/02/2016 18:03

Yep, those pyjamas are dangerous. Careful. One minute you're sitting there, wrapped in brushed cotton watching the telly; the next you're lying there, untogged, wrapped around your best friend.

acasualobserver · 06/02/2016 18:03

Sorry, X-post ... slow typist.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2016 18:04

There's no need to post on this thread

Yet here we all are

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 18:05

Rudelf- thank you! I don't see any intimacy at all in wearing pj's, I also change into them straight from work after a shower!

To those still suggesting could I not drink and then drive home, or could I do it less frequently- yes of course I could. But I don't see why I should.

OP posts:

Summer23 · 06/02/2016 18:05

Haha I'm laughing at the comments like broke back mountain! There's nothing wrong with spending time with your friend and staying there, rather than getting a taxi home. I used to this loads pre kids. Much better than having to get a taxi!

JessieMcJessie · 06/02/2016 18:06

OP described her as a friend first and foremost and has only made passing references to "our work". Who's to say they weren't friends before colleagues? We don't even know they work in the same part of the organisation.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2016 18:06

I think the OP should wear a Victorian nightie, in keeping with some of the attitudes on here...

JessieMcJessie · 06/02/2016 18:08

X post.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2016 18:08

YANBU. He doesn't like it because he wants you in bed so he can sleep? Phffft! He needs to grow up.

I agree with PP who said to tell him that if he'll give up his nights away so will you. I'll bet he'll refuse to do that and say 'that's different'.

My DH has a hobby that, when he was younger, involved a good bit of post-hobby 'imbibing' and he'd regularly stay over with a mate rather than drive home half-pissed. Didn't bother me a bit. He was safe and I had a quiet house for the night. My hobby would take me away (still does) for a week or two every year with my BFF. DH doesn't have a problem with that, either. Fair deals, I think.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 06/02/2016 18:09

Threads like this make me even more happy I'm single. Sure, I don't get regular sex but I also get to sleep wherever the fuck I want without some whiny twat telling me I should act as his human comfort teddy. Some of you women on the thread are no better. Being in a relationship doesn't and shouldn't fuse you into one being with two bodies.
Op, you do what you want to do.

JohnLuther · 06/02/2016 18:11

TBH I was once going to stay round a friends after a night out, my wife sulked because she has trouble sleeping without me being there, I'm starting to think that I shouldn't have given in

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 06/02/2016 18:12

I'm really surprised so many people object to that and the person who said it's a bit brokerage mountain . I honestly don't think it's a big deal. He has you for six other days of the week. He sounds needy and needs to get a grip.

Postchildrenpregranny · 06/02/2016 18:13

No I'm not suggesting OP panders to jealousy gate and I hope my original comments make it clear I am an ' independent freethinking adult with my own friendships and pursuits outside my marriage ' such as you describe . My relationship (35 years) with DH would not work if we were constantly in each other's pockets, especially now we are retired . I see a group of 5 friends for the evening every other week (and have done so for over 25 years) and have committments on two aftenoons and one evening a week. Have several long standing and very close friends that I spend one to one time with , and to whom I can tell most things.
I still think its odd for anyone , in a partnership or not, to spend so much time regularly with one other person . I appreciate that if you live with someone you inevitably do that !

Snowberry86 · 06/02/2016 18:16

Thank you everyone for your views- some very interesting ones!

As I've said previously she is a close friend who I met through work. We work in different departments so don't see each other much at work though.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 06/02/2016 18:19

Get DH to do his pub night whilst your at your friends. You'll both be out, then.

Presumably he feels that you don't have enough time together? So you can both help that by him going to the pub that night, so you can spend the night he would be at the pub together, and nobody gives up socialising.

If he's just being jealous and weird, then he'll get used to it, or not. Don't let childish sulking put you off. You have just as much of a right to a social life as he does.

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stitch10yearson · 06/02/2016 18:19

The op is prioritising her socialising over her dh's feelings. That is what there is no need for. Yet she is on here asking for the opinion of others to back her up. IMO, there is no need to do something that your dh feels so negatively towards unless it is going to be of major benefit, and imo what she describes isnt. Its just selfish and hurtful.

RudeElf · 06/02/2016 18:19

Just realised that when my friend did stay we shared my bed! (Didnt affect EXp as he was forces and lived on base). Even worse, we were in pyjamas

Oysterbabe · 06/02/2016 18:21

It's a pretty sad situation if you do whatever your DH wants and never what you want.

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