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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No sheets on beds bad mum?

278 replies

willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 20:06

Okay a little bit random here but me and my hubby had a bit of an argument over his SIL in which I said something negative to which he retaliated "Well your sisters just a gypsy letting her kids sleep on beds with no sheets!"
Later the dust settled, we apologised and all was fine but I asked him about this. He said in the heat of the moment it came out bad but yes he totally thought she was a bad mum.
Now we have 4 kids and my sister has 2. Neither of us could lay our heads knowing our kids were sleeping on a matress with no sheet or went to bed in clothes they were wearing alday not a chance. However I found myself making all these excuses for my sister. She works full time , husband isn't much help around the house, she is very disorganised etc but they have a lot of money and live in a really nice house ppl would be shocked to know this was going on behind closed doors. He said that if social services seen this they wouldn't be too pleased.
Now like I said we are entirely opposite to this mis matched pj's on my kids would give me palpatations but there is not a single doubt in my mind that she loves those kids so much and they don't want for anything, yet as this basic need doesn't seem to be met could she really be a bad mum. Thoughts and opinions please?

OP posts:
BrendaandEddie · 15/12/2015 20:07

SIL ( and her H) are very odd

You need to relax about the pyjamas

CheeseCakeOfDreams · 15/12/2015 20:10

Social Services!? Because there's no sheet on the bed?! How OTT is that! YABU.

Sirzy · 15/12/2015 20:10

Why don't they have sheets on the bed? Or get changed before bed?

That's nothing to do with being busy, or having an unsportive partner. It is strange and could be an indicator of bigger issues

BrieAndChilli · 15/12/2015 20:11

I think no Sheets on beds is a concern to social services to be honest. Maybe not on its own. It as part of a bigger picture. I would hate to sleep on no sheets and so wouldn't make a child.

findingmyfeet12 · 15/12/2015 20:11

It's not the end of the world but is pretty bad. I think someone needs to have a tactful word.

TendonQueen · 15/12/2015 20:11

hat seems odd to me. I work full time and am pretty disorganised - scramble to get school uniform washed sometimes for the next day and so on. However, I've never had DS going to bed without it having sheets on and without pyjamas ( though I can't promise the pyjamas always match) Does this happen regularly at your sister's, the lack of sheets that is?

PresidentUnderwood · 15/12/2015 20:11

No sheets is very odd, mattress will get soiled, smelly And it can't be nice to sleep on.

However, I also know weeps hoe stubborn some kids are about strange things - maybe they've refused sheets?? -reaching--

Are duvet covers clean etc?

ouryve · 15/12/2015 20:13

The clothes I'd chill about but no sheets on the beds is disgusting.

findingmyfeet12 · 15/12/2015 20:14

I second what a previous poster said about social services being concerned about sheets.

I've been involved with them in a professional capacity and lack of sheets featured heavily amongst the various other matters in relation to children they were concerned about.

On its own, it's not much of an issue but is there anything else of concern?

Moln · 15/12/2015 20:14

I would find it an uncomfortable fact. I've a friend who never changes her children's sheets unless they get sick on them; they also only get to shower/bath once a week. She's been reported to social welfare for neglect (anonymously) it upset her enormously, but they (SW) didn't look badly on her ways

metimeisforwimps · 15/12/2015 20:16

Its a hygiene issue isn't it? As well as making sure they are warm and comfy. I would see it as a sign of someone not coping, rather than a bad mum.

BrandNewAndImproved · 15/12/2015 20:16

No sheets is a concern. I'd be pretty upset about his disgusting language and stereotypes to. If you inserted black instead of gypsies...

GreatFuckability · 15/12/2015 20:17

I have a child who takes the sheets off their bed and matching pjs are a rarity here. I don't think that makes me a bad mother.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:17

I think you need to explain more about no sheets on the bed. Was this a one off or is it a regular thing? The fact you say mismatched pjs give you palpitations makes me wonder.

Social services would only be interested if there were other concerns.

DeltaZeta · 15/12/2015 20:18

On it's own, it wouldn't be a concern to SS I wouldn't think - though I can't imagine it's very pleasant for the kids. But it could be an issue if it's part of a bigger picture. Does your sister struggle with other things - clean clothes, brushed hair, regular meals, keeping the house clean etc?

Gruntfuttock · 15/12/2015 20:18

Do your sister and her husband have sheets on their bed? I thought sheets were basic things to have and if your sister and her husband aren't short of money why on earth haven't they put sheets on their childrens' beds?

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:19

I mean if she has washed all the sheets and forgot to get them dry on a few occasions it's understandable, although generally you'd at least cover the mattress with a blanket.

Or have they just got no sheets?

Palomb · 15/12/2015 20:19

No sheets on beds would be an pretty large indicator to me that someone was failing massively as a parent, tbh.

Lightbulbon · 15/12/2015 20:19

Not having sheets is a worrying sign of bigger problems.

In case reviews of children who have died, no sheets have been a missed warning sign. It indicates the parents don't or can't care about the kids or they have other priorities (domestic abuse/mental health/substance abuse).

It all depends on why they don't have sheets.

Was this a one off or do they never have sheets?

Original poster
willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 20:20

Well I know she majorly gets behind on washing would never have a sensible weekly sheet wash kind of routine or anything. Also bedtimes etc are hectic sometimes kids fall asleep in uniform and they carry kids to bed. They are 8 and 10 now so really they could help out with sorting out washing even. I know it is totally odd as theres more flat screen tvs n computers etc than currys just even still I don't think I could sleep the night myself knowing this. One night one of our kids were sick 4/5 times and we had run out of sheets and I had to make a makeshift kind of towels on the bed and I felt terrible like I was a failing mum so I do think is she just struggling to keep it altogether as like I said she loves them so much. Just husband saying this has really annoyed me and got me questioning too!

OP posts:
Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:22

Agree with palomb. It's not hard to make a bed is it when one can hold down a job etc

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 15/12/2015 20:22

I'm sure your sister loves her children very much, but being a parent is about more than that. Its caring for their basic needs which doesn't seem to be happening.Maybe you or one of your parents could have a word with her and her husband about this ( maybe suggest hiring a cleaner ) as it really isn't on.

And your DH is right about SS. One reason I know of for children being removed is a continual inability to see to childrens basic needs - appropriate bedding, clean clothes, personal hygiene etc.

Jibberjabberjooo · 15/12/2015 20:23

My DS when he's really tired and grumpy refuses to get into his pyjamas and falls asleep in his clothes. Should social services be on their way then? Hmm

Mooey89 · 15/12/2015 20:23

No sheets on bed is a concern if indicative of wider issues. It is a basic expectation that children are provided with clean warm beds. That is one of the first things a social worker will check for. That said, if that is the only issue, it probably wouldn't go any further.

Palomb · 15/12/2015 20:24

Children sleeping on towels is something most parent will have done once or twice during sickness bugs. That's life.

Children sleeping in school uniform in beds with no sheets on is neglect. They're shit parents.

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