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AIBU?

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Original poster

No sheets on beds bad mum?

278 replies

willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 20:06

Okay a little bit random here but me and my hubby had a bit of an argument over his SIL in which I said something negative to which he retaliated "Well your sisters just a gypsy letting her kids sleep on beds with no sheets!"
Later the dust settled, we apologised and all was fine but I asked him about this. He said in the heat of the moment it came out bad but yes he totally thought she was a bad mum.
Now we have 4 kids and my sister has 2. Neither of us could lay our heads knowing our kids were sleeping on a matress with no sheet or went to bed in clothes they were wearing alday not a chance. However I found myself making all these excuses for my sister. She works full time , husband isn't much help around the house, she is very disorganised etc but they have a lot of money and live in a really nice house ppl would be shocked to know this was going on behind closed doors. He said that if social services seen this they wouldn't be too pleased.
Now like I said we are entirely opposite to this mis matched pj's on my kids would give me palpatations but there is not a single doubt in my mind that she loves those kids so much and they don't want for anything, yet as this basic need doesn't seem to be met could she really be a bad mum. Thoughts and opinions please?

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/12/2015 20:49

I couldnt lift my 10 year old to bed let alone my 12 year old.
No sheets is crap, but how does your hubby know this as fact?
What else is he aware of?
I lived next door to gypsies for years, poor woman scrubbed morning noon and night with 6 kids - her house sparkled - so did the kids - put the street to shame!

sugar21 · 15/12/2015 20:49

She is your sister OP why don't you offer support. Up to you if you ring ss.

Borninthe60s · 15/12/2015 20:50

Willy if I were you I would raise it with her. If you can't do it directly mention that you've heard on the school grapevine that someone is being investigated by SS and one of the things they've checked is bedding and it got you thinking about her bedding situation. She will either be totally defensive (hiding other things) or be horrified that it is deemed neglectful.

It doesn't matter if the bedding isn't washed very regularly, but it should be there!

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:50

Op please answer, how many times have you witnessed your sisters children lifted into bed asleep in their uniforms and no sheets on their beds?

Dontlaugh · 15/12/2015 20:51

Bedtime routine, pyjamas and a reasonable bed (sheets, a duvet, a pillow) are all basics SS would look for should it come to that.
If it were one of my sisters in this scenario though, I'd be straight over to help out. It is not pleasant to sleep in a bed with no sheets. And in a school uniform.
Unless there's more to this? Addiction, money issues, serious neglect, violence etc.
Like other posters, i suppose the question is what is life like aside from the sheets? Meals, diet, routine, school attendance, general hygiene, behaviour of children, stability in general?
That would give a bit more insight than just missing sheets.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:52

Yes I couldn't carry my 7 year old to bed. Her husband must be carrying them surely op? He sounds a very poor father to not make their beds.

Judydreamsofhorses · 15/12/2015 20:53

Not having sheets must be really uncomfy. We chucked out a load of linen and bought new fitted sheets from ASDA, they were only a few quid and have worn and washed very well - currently we are using super-cheap brushed cotton Primark stuff which is lovely and cosy. (I am typing this in wholly mis-matched pyjamas though.)

foxessoxes · 15/12/2015 20:54

I honestly dont see how its possible to be so disorganised you cant do your washing.

Im pulling 70 hour weeks at the moment and still find time to stick the washer on when I walk in the door. It takes 5 minutes.

This screams bigger problems to me.

findingmyfeet12 · 15/12/2015 20:54

How can they sleep knowing their children are sleeping in those conditions?

x2boys · 15/12/2015 20:54

Yes social services would be concerned we had very brief involvement following an incident they came around and dis an assessment they told me the things they consider basic one of th being a child's bed having sheets and duvet covers also the child had access to washing facilities toothpaste tooth brushes ,food in the cupboard fridge etc but yes sheets were one of them mismatched pajamas are neither here nor there my boys won't wear them these are just basic things surley as well as the house having a basic standard of hygiene ?

shinynewusername · 15/12/2015 20:56

"I'm from Gypsy descent and racism of any kind is not acceptable!
Tell your husband as well he is completely wrong!Were all raised to keep our homes immaculate"

Totally agree. IME traveller/gypsy households are always immaculate and kids extremely well dressed.

Apart from the racism, though, I think the OP's DH is right: no sheets is a potential marker of neglect and regularly sleeping in uniform (as opposed to the occasional night when they fall asleep and you can't bear to wake them) also raises concerns.

TheoriginalLEM · 15/12/2015 20:56

"Well your sisters just a gypsy letting her kids sleep on beds with no sheets!"

Shock

Am i the only one to see what is wrong with this sentence???? Angry

Baconyum · 15/12/2015 20:57

Is their being 'high achievers' at school what dsis says or school? If dsis I'd be sceptical. There's also their dental health and personal hygiene at issue here.

VaJayJay · 15/12/2015 20:57

I'm also from a Gypsy family and to be honest I'm stunned that you even feel it's acceptable to repeat what he said without making reference to his comments being completely out of order and racist.
Maybe you should be be more concerned about your own children growing up in an environment where this kind of racist attitude is seen as normal.

LyndaNotLinda · 15/12/2015 20:57

The gypsy comment is completely unacceptable. As is the fact that the mum is being entirely blamed for the children's neglect

RJnomore1 · 15/12/2015 20:59

Clean beds no sheets hmm I can't get arsed about.

However your husbands use of gypsy in that way is utterly out of decking order and I'm Shock that in this entire thread I can only see two previous posters pick you up on it. I detest racism and that was a vile comment from him.

findingmyfeet12 · 15/12/2015 21:00

I find it difficult to believe that children who regularly sleep in this way are having all of their other needs met. It may not be a social services issue but as a sister and aunt, I would be having words.

RJnomore1 · 15/12/2015 21:00

Sorry I've cross posted with a couple of you

ghostspirit · 15/12/2015 21:01

i wonder how often it has happend as well. if its only once in a blue moon it probably not an issue.

my child has slept on the mattress many times because she takes the sheet f sod knows why..

i think sometime people are to fast to go down the ss route. but of course i dont know the fall situation. maybe she just needs her butt kicked

theimpossibledream · 15/12/2015 21:01

I think it's concerning.

I work (ok, only part time), study at Uni, have clinical depression and both of my DC bedwet through pull ups and most days I have to wash their duvet covers, sheets and duvet pretty much daily.

My DC sleep in a clean bed with sheets every single night.

VestalVirgin · 15/12/2015 21:02

Op please answer, how many times have you witnessed your sisters children lifted into bed asleep in their uniforms and no sheets on their beds?

Yeah, I would like to know that, too. Maybe it only happened once.

@Theoriginal: You aren't, but it has nothing to do with the question asked. Op didn't say it, only quoted it, so telling her that it's wrong is not useful.

CheesyNachos · 15/12/2015 21:04

No sheets and sleeping in clothes is a bit of a red flag for me. But, your sis has a husband as well. Why the focus on her bad parenting and making excuses for her hectic workload?

Two functioning adults in the house......

Bubbletree4 · 15/12/2015 21:06

Not sure. I haven't ever put my dc to bed on a mattress without a sheet but I know my (adult) brother gets behind with his washing and sometimes sleeps on the bare mattress. I think it's grim, he doesn't see any problem with it. It's just him though, no wife/kids.

I think it's a bit skanky to put a child to bed on a bare mattress and also odd to put them to bed in uniform. If it was just a school polo shirt, I could just about excuse it as it's a comfortable, flexible item.

If there are no other problems, I'd let this go.

Original poster
willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 21:06

pyjamarama... hubby knows this because they live in a bungalow(big swanky one) and going through the house you can see no sheets or duvet covers on and very messy rooms. This is just getting me all panicky now but my Mum does the childcare and she was so upset she said she can't believe the kids rolled out of unmade beds very frequently in uniforms now this could be 2 times a week? Mum did a lot of washing and all dishes floors etc. Mum goes up in the morning gets kids washed and ready. Now the kids are all super smart but it's not uncommon for mum to be running around looking for shoes or finishing homeworks. To be honest she was just in despair and gently said about getting a cleaner/ ironing lady etc My sis said don't be silly she wouldn't want someone in her home doing these things plus the cost.Which as a couple they earn £100,000 plus.
They are just all chaotic and disorganised yet she is so on the ball in work the irony. I personally haven't said anything because I know I'm a bit over the top with those sort of things and could do with relaxing a bit so I haven't and don't really want to go in there appearing to be smug or knowing best as like I said I am a sahm. Also realy sorry about the gypsy comment..... my husband ignorantly said that in a flippant way but I totally agree being tidy n clean is not a reflection or correlation of money or status etc....sorry for any offence.

OP posts:
foxessoxes · 15/12/2015 21:07

OP doesnt seem to be interested in responding now shes bragged how big the house is and how they have more flat screen TVs than Currys

sceptical Xmas Hmm