Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No sheets on beds bad mum?

278 replies

willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 20:06

Okay a little bit random here but me and my hubby had a bit of an argument over his SIL in which I said something negative to which he retaliated "Well your sisters just a gypsy letting her kids sleep on beds with no sheets!"
Later the dust settled, we apologised and all was fine but I asked him about this. He said in the heat of the moment it came out bad but yes he totally thought she was a bad mum.
Now we have 4 kids and my sister has 2. Neither of us could lay our heads knowing our kids were sleeping on a matress with no sheet or went to bed in clothes they were wearing alday not a chance. However I found myself making all these excuses for my sister. She works full time , husband isn't much help around the house, she is very disorganised etc but they have a lot of money and live in a really nice house ppl would be shocked to know this was going on behind closed doors. He said that if social services seen this they wouldn't be too pleased.
Now like I said we are entirely opposite to this mis matched pj's on my kids would give me palpatations but there is not a single doubt in my mind that she loves those kids so much and they don't want for anything, yet as this basic need doesn't seem to be met could she really be a bad mum. Thoughts and opinions please?

OP posts:
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 15/12/2015 20:39

Obviously it's not ideal and of course there should be sheets, but you speak as if it's some sort of dirty, shameful secret.

Maybe buy them some funky bedsheets for Christmas, hinty hint hint.

ohtheholidays · 15/12/2015 20:39

Tell your husband from me to fuck off!

I'm from Gypsy descent and racism of any kind is not acceptable!
Tell your husband as well he is completely wrong!Were all raised to keep our homes immaculate.

We have 5DC and now 3 of us our disabled but I know for a fact that our home is always clean and tidy,much more so than alot of people's who have no children at all and all beds have full bedding sets on.

2015 and were still having to put up with this crap,it's great Angry

sugar21 · 15/12/2015 20:40

Me too pyjama
Stereotyping TV's and computers as well

RB68 · 15/12/2015 20:40

It makes them both (Sister and BIL) neglectful. They have equal responsibility. At the end of the day if there is plenty of money then they should pay someone to fulfill this role if they can't find the time.

The sheets protect the mattress so for me this wld be a minimum and I am known to let things slip a bit sometimes but wld never do this.

I don't think bathing everyday is necessary - a wash is, but we have supersensitive skins here which don't cope with the soap and water regime v well (dries it out too much makes it itchy etc).

I wonder if there is an element of not coping/mental stress here - a bit of help might not go amiss in perhaps getting into routines or recruiting someone to come in and do basics every other day or less if they can't pay etc

Doublebubblebubble · 15/12/2015 20:40

Having had to sleep on a bed with no sheet as a child once I can tell you it is not comfortable but definitely doesn't warrant ss being called. Maybe buy some sheets for her/dcs?? Or better offer a helping hand? Its all well and good that you have 4 children and are coping and she has 2 and apparently isnt. She sounds overwhelmed poor soul.

Also if her children at that age are falling asleep in uniform then what's going on with reasonable bedtimes? Toddlers falling asleep in clothes is normal but not at 8/10. There's more to this than sheets ^ this says it all really.

TaliZorah · 15/12/2015 20:40

Well I wouldn't do it but I hardly think it's terrible

EvaBING · 15/12/2015 20:41

A teddy cat
A new cat (could both of those mean tabby cat?)
A bike
A book
Something to do with chocolate
Something to do with a sock?
Then...............
A ranberry? A jezzebel or bulzebub?

RB68 · 15/12/2015 20:42

oh yeah go for the terry fitted for winter - so cosy if they are worried about cold beds etc or the feel of things

hiddenhome2 · 15/12/2015 20:42

It's indicative of inadequate parenting and certainly slovenly.

VestalVirgin · 15/12/2015 20:42

I'm a rather untidy person and change the sheets on my own bed very irregularly, but even I would consider it odd to have NO sheets at all.

Not something you need to call the social services because of, but odd.

Is her husband also working full time? It takes two neglectful parents to create this situation.

Or maybe this is completely different and they have some sort of modern water bed that you don't need sheets for because you can wipe it?

RictusGrimace · 15/12/2015 20:43

It sounds like an indicator of neglect to me.

I find your reference to 'gypsey' offensive.

Oxfordblue · 15/12/2015 20:43

I think thats grim & your sister is slovenly.

I also wonder if its a mental health problem, good call on your DH for bringing it up.

Think you should go round there & make their beds up, they must be also wearing dirty underwear, not cleaning their teeth too...yuk...those poor kids.

PurpleGreenAvocado · 15/12/2015 20:43

OP, out of interest, why ask if it's a bad mum? Is it not the responsibility of both parents to make sure that the children have sheets on their bed?
Maybe it was a one off, once my DD had a duvet cover instead of a sheet because she'd been sick on 5 bed sheets overnight and had gone through all the clean ones and at 3am I decided that a duvet cover would do.

EvaBING · 15/12/2015 20:43

Wrong thread!

findingmyfeet12 · 15/12/2015 20:43

No, it's not the end of the world but if it was my dsis I'd be making inquiries and probing a bit.

Given what I've learnt about warning signs going unnoticed in the past I wouldn't rest easy until I was satisfied that it was a one off or at least that there was no their cause for concern in that household.

DixieNormas · 15/12/2015 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:44

I think most posters here are agreeing that letting housework slip from time to time becaUse we work/are knackered etc is an entirely different concept to ongoing, wilful neglect. Not meeting a child's basic needs, every day ongoing, is wilful neglect.

Sansoora · 15/12/2015 20:44

I think no Sheets on beds is a concern to social services to be honest. Maybe not on its own. It as part of a bigger picture. I would hate to sleep on no sheets and so wouldn't make a child.

I agree.

Baconyum · 15/12/2015 20:45

I was at one point a LP working full time and managing multiple health issues and no support.

My dd still had at least a face wash, teeth brushed and in pj's in a bed with appropriate bedding every night. No excuse IMO with 2 adults in the house! It also sounds like the kids are not going to bed at an appropriate time which will be affecting their education.

My ex reported me maliciously and falsely to ss and they had to investigate. One of the first things they checked was the bedding! Another thing they checked was if she was tired at school. Result was they realised it was a false and malicious report.

Regardless of how this has been raised by your dh, have you discussed this neglect with her?

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 15/12/2015 20:45

This thread has reminded me I need to change DD's bedding tomorrow! Blush

No sheets is very strange and nothing to do with being disorganised is it really? Disorganised people like me might forget to change sheets if they don't look / smell dirty, but to tuck a child up in a bed with no sheets while they are still in their school uniform just sounds like something a parent wouldn't do, or at least not more than once in a blue moon.

LyndaNotLinda · 15/12/2015 20:45

Do your sister and your BIL sleep on a bed with no sheets?

It sounds like they're failing the children quite badly to be honest

Original poster
willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 20:45

You see everyones opinion is kind of logical to me and I just don't like to think of this because obviously I know the bigger picture and there is no problems there. It's just she isn't a good manager of time etc. also I'm a sahm so I can't comprehend how difficult it could be to work 40 hr weeks and do everything in the home as well. My husbands retort was that many couples or even single parents manage it and that if time is the issue money isn't so outsource washing/ cleaning etc elsewhere but regardless as a parent she should be getting these needs met one way or another. Also I'm only repeating what hubby says about social services as they're never going to be at the home they're high achievers at school etc. But it just put the fear into me all this talk. It isn't my place but should I say something or would I be in the wrong and sticking my nose in causing family rift?

OP posts:
Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:46

Baconyum - you are spot on about bedtimes/affecting education

Alicewasinwonderland · 15/12/2015 20:47

Unless they are really unwell, I can't see how children can fall asleep before their bath, teeth unbrushed and still in their uniform, unless the parents dump them in front of the TV?

It takes one minute to put clean bedsheets on a single bed, there's no excuse. I have a king size one, and never ever slept without bedding, even after surgery! (towels/ sick bug is a different problem obviously)

It does sound like terrible parenting, because what else is going on? what are they eating? What time are they going to bed?

Sirzy · 15/12/2015 20:48

It is your place, your sister is obviously struggling so you need to talk to her and offer support

Swipe left for the next trending thread