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AIBU?

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Original poster

No sheets on beds bad mum?

278 replies

willywonka07 · 15/12/2015 20:06

Okay a little bit random here but me and my hubby had a bit of an argument over his SIL in which I said something negative to which he retaliated "Well your sisters just a gypsy letting her kids sleep on beds with no sheets!"
Later the dust settled, we apologised and all was fine but I asked him about this. He said in the heat of the moment it came out bad but yes he totally thought she was a bad mum.
Now we have 4 kids and my sister has 2. Neither of us could lay our heads knowing our kids were sleeping on a matress with no sheet or went to bed in clothes they were wearing alday not a chance. However I found myself making all these excuses for my sister. She works full time , husband isn't much help around the house, she is very disorganised etc but they have a lot of money and live in a really nice house ppl would be shocked to know this was going on behind closed doors. He said that if social services seen this they wouldn't be too pleased.
Now like I said we are entirely opposite to this mis matched pj's on my kids would give me palpatations but there is not a single doubt in my mind that she loves those kids so much and they don't want for anything, yet as this basic need doesn't seem to be met could she really be a bad mum. Thoughts and opinions please?

OP posts:
AppleAndBlackberry · 15/12/2015 20:24

Is this a one-off or all the time? All the time is an issue because it's poor hygiene. Occasionally e.g. if bedding is in the wash is probably not a big deal although most people would have a spare set.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:25

Well it doesn't sound very organised. Putting kids into a made bed with teeth brushed and pyjamas on is pretty basic.

Social services look at the whole picture.

I don't think your dh should have attacked your sister in retaliation. What did you say about sil?

It's natural for you to defend your sister, it's. It just her fault is it if she got a husband.

Sirzy · 15/12/2015 20:27

Even falling behind on the washing wouldn't explain it, not with bed sheets unless there was a vomitting bug. One set on the bed, one in the wash and another for emergencies if needed.

NoSquirrels · 15/12/2015 20:28

Um, no sheets on beds IS a marker for neglect, I'm pretty sure. Or at least of a home life that is "chaotic".

I will freely admit that changing the sheets on the DC beds doesn't happen as often as it might - they have a bath every night, have clean PJs 2-3 times a week if not more obsessive 4 year old and they sweat less than adults etc. and frankly it is a pain clambering up high sleepers etc. But I would never put my DC to bed without sheets on the mattress, certainly not as a regular occurrence. What if they're sick in the night, or wee themselves, and that's not to mention the "clothes they've worn all day" which would lead one to assume they haven't washed before bed/had a bedtime routine that involves getting clean so the mattresses will end up filthy.

People who are living chaotic lives can love their DC fiercely, but that doesn't mean they're doing the right things for their DC. And it can be hard to admit that when it's a family member.

Why doesn't your sister's partner help?

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 20:28

I think it's pretty shit of your sister.

Her dh may be a dick and she works. Big deal. A proper bed with sheets is a minimum requirement.

I managed it when I worked and I am not super organised. I am pretty shit at organising tbh.

Does her and her dh have sheets on their bed?

CocktailQueen · 15/12/2015 20:29

so your sister's dc sleep n a mattress with no sheet, in their day clothes?

I think that would be w concern to ss, actually, esp.as part of a bigger picture. Odd and yucky.

Euripidesralph · 15/12/2015 20:29

Another vote for it depending on how often

The odd occasion , like twice in 3yrold ds life , he has thrown up and I've run out of sheets but he has had a blanket on the mattress and another two on top, I personally doubt social services will be breathing down my neck for that

But regularly falling asleep in clothes I probably would raise an eyebrow at but in fairness there appears to be a massive discrepancy between your lifestyles which is leading to this questioning because no offence I personally find your ways over the top as well.... Palpitations over mismatched pyjamas to me is as odd as letting kids constantly fall asleep on uniforms as I would query how far that level of neurotics is rubbing off on the kids

Perhaps live and let live, and accept that frankly if people could see most of us behind closed doors they would think we are nuts / wrong / cause of the worlds problems ?

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:30

Op are there never sheets on the bed or is this an occasional thing?

SS don't just swoop in and remove children over things like this they have bigger things to deal with but if it was raised with them they'd no doubt suggest help with parenting routines etc.

Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:30

She sounds very odd but sheets are a basic need. Also if her children at that age are falling asleep in uniform then what's going on with reasonable bedtimes? Toddlers falling asleep in clothes is normal but not at 8/10. There's more to this than sheets

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 20:31

Oh and my kids never have matching pjs on. I can't get upset about that.

But then I doubt the OP does, if she is trying to justify her sisters kids not having bed sheets.

If mismatched pjs is an issued for you surely the fact that you're dn has no sheets would have struck you as strange.

findingmyfeet12 · 15/12/2015 20:32

I agree with Claraoswald that falling asleep regularly in school uniform at 8/10 is totally different than if a grumpy toddler does it.

Does she wake them up
To change them and get their teeth brushed etc?

ghostspirit · 15/12/2015 20:33

jib sometimes my daughter falls sleep in her uniform and i let her sleep in it all night. but i do make sure she has a fresh uniform in the morning.

the sheet thing. my kids have their duvets. and bottom sheets the times they have taken it of and slept on the mattress. some times i go in the room and the 5 year old is laying on the floor alseep.

whois · 15/12/2015 20:33

It's gross not having sheets on the bed. How hard is Ito buy more sheets if the family are shit at organising washing but have a bit of money? If they had 4 cheap sets for every bed they would be hard ores see to run out.

Snoopadoop · 15/12/2015 20:33

Children sleeping in school uniform in beds with no sheets on is neglect.

I agree totally and dot make excuses for your sister and her DH. I work full time too, I have a stressful job, my DS has clean sheets weekly and always sleeps in pyjamas and has clean school uniform every day. It's not difficult. Unless your sister and her DH have health problems there's no excuse. If it were my sister I would be speaking to her and helping her where I could.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:33

I really want to know whether this is something you've witnessed once or whether you know for a fact it's a regular occurrence.

hefzi · 15/12/2015 20:34

There was a post a few weeks ago where the OP was having a lot of trouble with SS concerning bedding: I personally think it's pretty rank if it's a regular thing (I've certainly never slept in my own bed without sheets) and particularly if they have washing facilities at home and funds for a spare set - but alone, it's probably not something SS would act on. It does sound, though that there are other issues - children regularly falling asleep in uniform and being carried to bed etc

It sounds chaotic at the very least.

ethelb · 15/12/2015 20:34

I thought it was something ss looked for when they visited. Obviously part of the bigger picture though.

sugar21 · 15/12/2015 20:34

Have you spoken to your sister about her not coping OP?
So you're saying there are lots of TV's and computers and no bed linen is that correct?
Have you seen this for yourself or are you just going by your dh's outburst?

Fairylea · 15/12/2015 20:34

I have a social worker in the family. Clean beds with clean bedding is one of the things they look for when assessing families. Not having sheets would probably raise eyebrows, it isn't difficult to wash a fitted sheet and bung it on a bed is it? You don't even need to iron them.

trilbydoll · 15/12/2015 20:35

I'm terrible at changing sheets but I think dirty sheets are better than no sheets. Are they sleeping on towels or similar? It's just not very comfy, uniform isn't designed to be slept in, they must wake up feeling all crumpled.

But mismatched pjs are fine Wink

Unreasonablebetty · 15/12/2015 20:36

Sorry op, but your sisters children sound like they live in a dire state, falling asleep in their school clothes then being taken up to bed...
Not having sheets.
Not having jimmies that match?

This sounds like absolute chaos!

Why do the children not have a routine where they are getting themselves ready for bed, brushing their teeth, and being tucked in to bed before they fall asleep?

Why no sheets? If she struggles this much, I suggest she employs someone to do these chores she doesn't have time or mind to do. I couldn't imagine my child not having a sheet on her bed! It just seems very lax!

And with the pyjamas not matching, it's not a biggie, but matching pyjamas tend to go in the same wash load therefore always match in our house.
My did has her pjs on each night before bed but tends to sleep in knickers and a vest- she loves getting into her bed when she's had the electric blanket on but gets too warm between the heat beneath her and a 15 tog duvet on top of her, but there are always pjs and bedding clean and spare for her. I feel sorry for them falling asleep in their pjs.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 15/12/2015 20:37

ppl would be shocked to know this was going on behind closed doors

Fahkin 'ell, she's not beating them! The drama.

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive · 15/12/2015 20:37

So she doesn't put sheets on the children's bed. And they don't have any bedtime routine and just fall asleep sitting around the house and are put to bed in their clothes. She has plenty of money but she wt pay for a cleaner to help her with this stuff.

I think there are probably pretty big problems going on there. I would suspect that's probably just the tip of the iceberg.

Claraoswald36 · 15/12/2015 20:38

Agree with findingfeet - when are they brushing their teeth then? The sheets thing is a good indicator of neglect becauSe if you think about it it snowballs into other missing routines of meeting basic care needs as well.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 20:38

I'm still wondering how the op knows all this.