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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Naughty List" letter from school

248 replies

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 16:38

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

OP posts:
TwoSmellyDogs · 14/12/2015 16:40

They probably have to do it at school because parents don't want to discipline their children at home - in case it upsets them I suppose Hmm. He now has a motive to behave at school so I can't see a problem with it.

Muskey · 14/12/2015 16:40

I don't think it's very kind or particularly fair.

celestialgin · 14/12/2015 16:41

I can't see this happening. What teacher has time to write such a letter for a start!
What kind of school is this?

DixieNormas · 14/12/2015 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/12/2015 16:42

I'm a TA in a Reception class of 31 [currently off work with a fractured foot].

My Teacher would never do something like this, I think it's unacceptable.

yorkshapudding · 14/12/2015 16:42

I don't like it when parents use Father Christmas as a threat to be honest but I recognise that, as parents, it's their right to do so. School is another matter. They are overstepping the mark in my opinion.

wowis · 14/12/2015 16:43

I wouldn't be particularly happy about this op, the school don't know how different families talk about christmas and father christmas etc. I think it's ok for parents to use it but feel the school is overstepping there a bit..its fine tell you about the behaviour of course.

Twitterqueen · 14/12/2015 16:43

it's not the school's place to make a 'family' judgment. Whether or not your DS is on the 'naughty list' is down to you and your partner, not the school. They should be punishing in some other way - ie less 'golden time' or whatever they call it now.

It's unkind and oversteps the boundaries.

Enjolrass · 14/12/2015 16:43

I hate the idea of using Santa as a threat for bad behaviour.

I would be really annoyed f the school took it upon themselves to do it.

What if a child doesn't start behaving, do they expect the parents to cancel Christmas?

What's the point of naming a consequence that will never happen?

QuizteamBleakley · 14/12/2015 16:43

I guess it's to just to try to suppress a little of the excitement until school breaks up. I'd have no problem with it - but it's subjective, I guess.

Original poster
StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 16:43

It's a mainstream primary school. The letter is printed with a gap for teacher (or more likely TA) to handwrite the "naughty" behaviour and sign it.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 14/12/2015 16:44

I'd write straight back to ask them what they behaviour management policy was.

NoahVale · 14/12/2015 16:45

I bet the excitement is reaching the ceiling in reception class though

Cressandra · 14/12/2015 16:51

I would be cross, I can't bear this threat. My DD was a very sensitive sort at 5 and she has always struggled a bit with self esteem. She got immensely stressed that she might not be good enough to make the nice list. I think she needed reassurance that she was good enough, not threats.

I'm sure loads of people will say "chill out" but I think you're right.

Fallenangle · 14/12/2015 16:54

I would have a big problem with such a letter. What happens if his behaviour doesn't improve? When Father Christmas duly turns up, he learns that poor behaviour has no consequences. My great uncle, says family folklore, was warned by his parents that Father Christmas wouldn't come if he was naughty - he was, and got a stocking full of ashes!
Then there is the equalities issue - with what do they threaten the kids who come from cultures who don't do Father Christmas?

alltouchedout · 14/12/2015 16:56

I don't think this is appropriate behaviour management and I would go in tomorrow and say so. I back up teachers and TAs even when I disagree with them, because I am not going to undermine the people who care for and educate my children, but I would challenge this. I would ask that the teacher reconsider the way s/he lets me know of poor behaviour and explain that I find the concept of Santa's naughty lists to be very problematic.

ginnybag · 14/12/2015 16:58

I'll swap you, OP.

DD came home the other day and said that her teacher had threatened to write to Santa and have the whole class put on the naughty list because no-one would tell her who'd written in the wooden frame of her precious easel.

This was day 3 of the easel saga. Day 1 was making the whole class write out the name on the board, so she could 'match handwriting'. Day 2 was threatening to go and view the CCTV cameras.... Yeah she needs DP training too

No, it's not a sensible way of disciplining - not least because, if your DS does get upset, you're pretty likely going to override her and say that she can't actually do that, rather than deal with a week of stress this close to Christmas, eroding her authority more than she already has by coming out with it in the first place.

I don't do Santa, and DD doesn't believe any more, but I rather thought that threatening a five year old's Christmas was a crap thing to do and a really piss-poor way to control a class. If nothing else, the moment she involved a third party was the moment she hadn't got control any more, particularly when the third party is a pure work of fiction! I suspect the same holds true for you.

Shockers · 14/12/2015 16:58

I'm amazed that any school would consider this a good idea!

VestalVirgin · 14/12/2015 17:00

Why can't they just tell the child he's on the school's Naughty list? That's what they did when I was in school. Put a note in the class book, and send a letter to the parents after a couple of instances of misbehaviour.

No need to bring Father Christmas into it. The children who don't believe in him will remain completely unaffected, anyway. (And that's not just non-Christian cultures. Father Christmas is by no means universal in Europe.)

Marzipanface · 14/12/2015 17:01

Agree with everyone else. This is a ridiculous method of discipline. I would be furious.

theredjellybean · 14/12/2015 17:01

i would have probably agreed with the teacher and suggested to my dc that they could work hard for the rest of the week to improve their behaviour.

But i have always enjoyed the whole santa naughty/good behaviour thing..and cannot see it is any different from threatening removing other privileges such as golden time or pebbles ( or whatever merit system is used). It makes the need for good behaviour despite this exciting time reverent to the children, something they can easily understand perhaps...

however what about the children who are not christian and are not celebrating christmas ??

Littleonesaid · 14/12/2015 17:03

I would be more upset that my DS had been naughty at school and consider what I could do to support my DS and teachers and sort it out.

Sounds like you're focusing on the letter to ignore your child's naughty behaviour TBH.

Moving15 · 14/12/2015 17:03

If that is how they explain the consequence of good and bad behaviour to their pupils I am not surprised they are experiencing uncooperative 5 year olds. Children are not stupid

Shutthatdoor · 14/12/2015 17:04

I wouldn't be happy with the letter nor however would I be happy with my child messing about in class.

Funinthesun15 · 14/12/2015 17:05

Sounds like you're focusing on the letter to ignore your child's naughty behaviour TBH.

I agree.