"Naughty List" letter from school

[StormDesmond]

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

My just turned 4yo DS has come home from nursery with a very similar story today. I was shocked too. Apparently Father Christmas has a green book and a red book, and it's OK because DS is in the green book and will get presents, but some other nursery children were in the red book because they are bad, and they might not get any presents.

I actually thought DS must have got the wrong end of the stick, but now I've seen this thread, I think our nursery must be doing what your school is doing. I've told DS that all children are good, there are no "bad" children, and that FC will bring them all presents if they believe in him. I will be asking nursery what the hell they are playing at tomorrow.

I'm a teacher. I would never do this, especially to such a young child who, in real terms, has only just started school.
Santa is definitely not on the school behaviour policy, and should not be used as a threat. Threats in general have no place in schools. I would go an talk to the teacher in question x

Wow. i understand you don't want to treat him differently but the teacher can and absolutely should consider that his need for security. No it is not normal discipline IMO and I hope the balance of replies on this thread will give you the confidence to challenge it.

I'd also agree about not going in all guns blazing, 5 year olds can have their own unique perspective. But irrespective of his "crime", you've seen the letter itself.

Still, the main thing is he's got you in his corner. Reassure him loads and give him the most fabulous christmas. You could even send him a letter from santa, eg the nspcc ones have a bit where you can add your own message at the bottom. Yours could say he is definitely on the nice list or something.

In the light of your most recent post, OP, I'd be writing a very clearly worded letter to teacher and head explaining exactly why this teacher's strategy is entirely inappropriate for your ds specifically.

(Apart from anything else, even if you know that your ds has spent his earlier Christmases positively, she does not know what associations Father C has for him.)

I hope you can point her in the direction of some holiday reading about attachment, adoption and positive behaviour strategies that don't involve shaming.

I'm a former teacher. This is incredibly lazy behaviour management. I normally find myself defending teachers on threads about schools but in this case I agree that it's not acceptable, regardless of what the behaviour was. I'd be into school like a shot.

STUPID STUPID STUPID School!

What happens in Jan, Feb, Mar, April et cetera when they are 'naughty'??

Have a very happy Christmas together for the first time.

I totally agree that whatever he did this was not the way to deal with it. Even more shocked if it was just talking through a film. 4/5 yo are not robots who can just sit for 1.5 hours - especially Christmas week!

It's even more shocking that they've done this knowing his history. They should be aware and expect a child who has been in the care system and only recently adopted to exhibit some behavioural challenges.

Just caught up properly with the info that he's adopted. We are also adoptive parents and I would be FURIOUS if the school pulled the naughty list thing knowing that, especially given that it's your first Christmas together so he doesn't have expectations of what's going to happen. Completely unacceptable!

I thought it was a bit rubbish but agree that the info about him being recently adopted makes it appalling.

I hope you have a lovely first Christmas together.

It makes me want to write a letter saying she had been a bad teacher and is in MNs bad books

I don't even like the fact that my DD's reception class are made to write a letter to santa asking for what they want . . . I'd be livid if they did this

Pathetic discipline technique. They would be much better finding a productive discipline system that can be used all year round, instead of empty meaningless threats

OP, I hope you both have a wonderful first christmas together. What a wonderful thing you have done.
think the teacher needs to take a leaf out of your book

What the hell that's awful of them.

yes it was tali . They tried saying. It was a joke. Not that anyone laughed.

OP have a lovely Christmas, am sure it will be special for your all

If my DS came home with a letter like that, I'd rip it up with him and throw it on the fire. And have a word with the HT. I'd be hugely, hugely pissed off

I am usually very supportive of teachers.

But this fucking ridiculous. His 'crime' doesn't matter.

Because it's a consequence that will never happen. It's pointless. It designed to scare a child into behaving.

Except if they don't behave, the consequences will never occur.

Does the teacher expect parents to cancel Christmas because she has decided that's their consequence?

That's the only way you can back the teacher.

The teacher has possibly upset some 5 year olds, pointlessly.

As I said before, I don't use the naughty list at home, I don't expect a teacher to decide it will be used.

Oh and then add on the child's background and it's cruel

I would be livid if my dd came home with a letter like this and would be having a serious word with the teacher as to why they felt the need to send such a letter, instead of talking to me and informing me of this behaviour.
I would also be having a serious word with dd about the importance of listening to the teacher.

Well in light of the fact that he was adopted this year, I am outraged at the school's behaviour. I had posted earlier saying that I'd just let it go and sort his behaviour out but it isn't that simple if he's had a major life change like that. Fucking hell, the teacher must actually be evil to say that to a child who is spending his first Christmas with new parents. I wouldn't give a crap if a teacher had said it to my two but in his situation, that really is atrocious.

Completely agree with bubble

Wtf were they thinking!! He has enough to deal with as it is (which they are fully aware of no doubt) and they go and do something as thoughtless as this?? Id go in there guns blazing op

As a teacher, I would never dream of doing something like this! Was the letter given to other children in the class also?

I will say that schools have to let a certain amount of negative behaviour go unreported to parents; teachers and TAs work to improve it pastorally. For such behaviour to be raised with a parent, it generally has to be a continuing problem that is affecting other children in the class. Any professional teacher would contact the parents directly and work out a clear home-school strategy.

OP, I really would suggest contacting the school to see what the problem is. I'm sorry to say it, but I feel that a letter wouldn't be sent for no reason. Well, I would sincerely hope that is the case.

What crap behaviour management! Even leaving aside the fact that your DS is adopted, it's crap because:

It's encroaching on to parenting. They have no right to tell parents how to deal with their DC outside of school.
No reasonable parent would follow through on the punishment. So DC learn they can have bad behaviour in school with no consequences.
Describing a child as 'naughty' and putting them on a 'naughty list' labels that child. It is the behaviour that is naughty, not the whole child.
It's too long-term for a 5yo. A sanction for poor behaviour should be as close as reasonably practical to the poor behaviour so that children can make the link easily. Young children in particular are very bad at delayed gratification, so telling them they must be good now or they won't have X in two weeks is stupid.

Tbh, a teacher using this as a behaviour management strategy would have me questioning their ability to control their classroom.

I've just seen that your DS is adopted. The school should be having particularly close links with you in that case - definitely not communicating in this way!