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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Naughty List" letter from school

248 replies

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 16:38

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 14/12/2015 17:48

Like when the teacher told dds class they were all going to be finger printed by the police so see who blocked the sink in the boys toilets. Dd is was 6, shy and very sensitive. She was really upset.

What the hell that's awful of them.

Original poster
StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 17:49

Ok, so we've discussed further while DS ate his tea and it seems his "crime" was talking to his friend instead of watching the Frozen DVD his teacher put on while she helped make costumes for the nativity tomorrow!!! DS is a very young 5 and struggles to watch TV at all, never mind a film he has no interest in.

I'll be first in line to see teacher tomorrow!

OP posts:
Youarentkiddingme · 14/12/2015 17:49

Id return the letter with a short mite to teacher that you don't do nice/naughty list with ds as Christmas happened anyway. It would be far more effective to give an immediate consequence to bad behaviour and if she'd like to discuss his behaviour you'll do so.

That way you are showing support for her whilst also pointing out her method is not effective.

yorkshapudding · 14/12/2015 17:50

How is OP supposed to "back them up" exactly? If at the end of the week school report that her DC is still being 'naughty' should she withold their Christmas presents?
The problem here is that school have made a ridiculous, empty threat that cannot reasonably be followed through.

PrimeDirective · 14/12/2015 17:52

Totally ridiculous move from the school.

It's an empty threat that they cannot enforce.

They are undermining their own authority by using a threat like this rather than managing the behaviour properly in the classroom.

How can they expect perfect behaviour from a bunch of 5-year-olds on the last week of term?

What if they behave really badly? How are they going to manage that?

There is no way that I could support that approach. If my child is not behaving appropriately at school, I expect it to be dealt with appropriately in school. This is inappropriate, unfair and ineffective. I never threatened my kids with Santa, I was capable of using my own authority to manage their behaviour.

TaliZorah · 14/12/2015 17:53

Storm then I'd be complaining. Threatening no Christmas for talking during a DVD? Clearly just wants to exert authority

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/12/2015 17:55

She lost her temper because he wasn't interested in the shite that is Frozen so had a chat with his mate, I'm with your Lad Grin.

I do understand the stress but she lost her temper and spoke in haste imo.

DancingDinosaur · 14/12/2015 17:56

I'd find out what your ds has been up to. Its not the best way to dicipline a child espc as the school don't have any control over delivery of the consequences. But I'd be more concerned about what led up to it tbh.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 14/12/2015 17:56

Storm let us know how you get on tomorrow. Hopefully the teacher will be Blush when they realise they threatened to cancel Christmas because a 5-yr-old was chatting during a film. I'll be interested to hear how they are going to back down from this nonsense. Will your DS get a second letter saying Santa has now moved you back to the nice list? It's ridiculous.

DancingDinosaur · 14/12/2015 17:58

Ok ok, just read your response. If thats really all it was then its a bit ott. I wouldn't go in guns ablazing though as that may not be the whole story.

pretend · 14/12/2015 18:02

But she didn't speak in haste did she? I mean, we all say stupid stuff when we've been driven to distraction. However this teacher had all the time it took to write the note to calm down, and still sent the note.

How old is the teacher? It doesn't sound like someone with years of experience to be honest

ShoppingBasket · 14/12/2015 18:02

I would be so mad about this. I am certainly not precious about my son and always support teachers over bad behaviour. Even if his "crime" was a large one I would not be happy. My son would be distraught over this and he is in year 2. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Glassofwineneeded · 14/12/2015 18:02

Have you spoken ton nub ther parents from the class to get their take on it?
I wouldn't be happy, there are many other ways to improve behaviour and my son wouldn't have been interested in frozen either!
Do speak to the teacher and listen to her side of the situation. But make it clear that while you agree that your child needs to behave a threatening letter from Santa is not the way to go about it! Good luck and do let us know how you get on.

roundaboutthetown · 14/12/2015 18:06

It seems a very risky strategy to me. What if the bad behaviour at school nevertheless continues for the rest of term? What will Santa do, then?... [santa]

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/12/2015 18:06

pretend I don't know, it sounds like she was harassed, under stress and cross.

It's hard but part of the job coping with excitable, chatty kids, threatening 4/5 year olds with a 'week to improve behaviour or else' is crap and inadequate teaching.

fluffypenguinbelly · 14/12/2015 18:07

I would be extremely unimpressed by this indeed and I am also a teacher.

I don't see it as my place at all to even mention Father Christmas. He goes alongside religion in my book. Leave it up to the parents.

Plus, my child would be a wreck if this happened to him. How unnecessary.

catfordbetty · 14/12/2015 18:09

he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week

How can you be sure that most of the class have also misbehaved?

BondJayneBond · 14/12/2015 18:12

It seems a very risky strategy to me. What if the bad behaviour at school nevertheless continues for the rest of term? What will Santa do, then?

Maybe the school has a supply of coal that they're going to sneak out to the parents of children who've been naughty all week?
Naughty children are meant to get lumps of coal instead of presents, and it's not all that easy to get in tiny quantities in these days of central heating. You could probably get a big sack of coal, but that would be too much for one stocking...
Xmas Hmm

Girlfriend36 · 14/12/2015 18:14

I think thats really out of order! I would not be impressed if my dd came home with that letter and esp if it was just for talking while a film was on!!

I would speak to the head personally as think thats not the schools place at all, my dd who is no angel would be devastated to have got that letter.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/12/2015 18:16

I think that's definitely over-stepping the mark into home territory and I wouldn't be happy. Families have their own traditions around Christmas/New Year and regarding Santa. We've never brought behaviour into it so I'd be annoyed if the school did. They should use school based sanctions and/or discuss behaviour of child with parents

Senpai · 14/12/2015 18:17

I'd talk to DS and explain since it didn't come from the North Pole it's just the teacher making up rubbish to scare him, and one bad day doesn't mitigate the 364 other good days he's had. Then talk to him about his behavior. I simply would refuse to play along.

Then talk to the teacher. You wouldn't tell a child they had sinned and needed to pray. So don't bring other aspects of religion (and Christmas is a Christian holiday) into his discipline.

Baconyum · 14/12/2015 18:18

Ludicrous!

I agree shows she's lost control if she can't deal with frankly low level disruption in the class! And with such young ones too. How the hell would she cope with stroppy 11/12 year olds in the last year?!

Also I hate the sticking on DVDs as lazy 'teaching' when that happens kids might as well be at home watching something they actually like!!

Yes children need manners and to know how to behave but at 4/5 it's insanity to expect them to sit still and quietly for an entire film!

I also hate the labelling of a child as naughty! His behaviour was bad doesn't mean he's totally bad! Argh

Plus as pp have said not everyone does Santa, what does she do the rest of the year?

Be very interested in the outcome of this.

DotForShort · 14/12/2015 18:21

How utterly pathetic of the teacher. It's a meaningless threat that the teacher has no way to enforce. And the child's dreadful offense was to talk during a showing of Frozen? FGS, that is hardly the crime of the century, certainly nothing that would warrant such an overblown reaction.

catfordbetty · 14/12/2015 18:24

And the child's dreadful offense was to talk during a showing of Frozen?

According to the child.

IGotAPea · 14/12/2015 18:24

I wouldn't like it either, it's a bad discipline tactic because it's massively unreasonable to expect a parent to follow through with no Christmas if his behaviour doesn't improve.

Yes the school should let OP know that her ds has been misbehaving but shouldn't be threatening the child with a punishment that the OP will have carry out without actually checking if she will carry it out. It's an empty threat otherwise and won't teach ds anything. School should have carries out something at school, missing playtime or something appropriate. It's usually the school who work the kids up in first place.

When I hear parents threaten their dc with no Christmas it's usually because they have lost temper and is said in heat of moment type thing, I'd worry why a school would need to take the same steps, what's wrong with their regular policy that they need to resort to Santa threats?

One year of a gifts after being told they are getting nothing for misbehaving shows it for the empty threat it is, and children cotton to that quickly so the following year it's pointless even using Santa as they know you won't actually follow through.

I'd make sure ds knows he needs to behave and why he's in trouble but I wouldn't tell him Christmas will be cancelled for chatting during a DVD. Sorry.

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