Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Naughty List" letter from school

248 replies

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 16:38

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 14/12/2015 17:05

What a shitty way to try and get kids to behave. It's basically emotional blackmail

Crusoe · 14/12/2015 17:07

Sounds ineffective and just not very nice. I would be very cross.

SpecialistSnowflake · 14/12/2015 17:07

It's crap, but in my opinion you'll only make it crapper if you over-rule them.

By all means let them know you don't approve, but back them up, don't tell your ds they're wrong. Give him a chance to get on the Nice list!

Bubbletree4 · 14/12/2015 17:09

Don't ignore your child's naughty behaviour because the school have misjudged a punishment/incentive/behaviour management tool. You clearly need to work with your ds to improve his behaviour if the school put him on this list. I'm not sitting smugly writing this, my ds' behaviour needed work when he was 5. Get it sorted now before it's too late and forget petty squabbles with the school.

EvaBING · 14/12/2015 17:09

I would actually go in all guns blazing. How dare they threaten my child? How fucking dare they?

If they can't discipline a child, then you need to be told that your child has behavioural issues. They do not get to take on a 'sinister parenting' role!

The fucking cheek!

JassyRadlett · 14/12/2015 17:09

Apart from anything else it seems like pathetic behaviour management.

What happens:

(A) if bad behaviour continues or escalates and FC comes anyway - it's exposed as an empty threat, what other threats of consequences can be ignored?

(B) After Christmas? At what point is the teacher going to start threatening them with the Easter Bunny or the tooth fairy?

BerylStreep · 14/12/2015 17:11

Unacceptable. Teacher needs to take responsibility for managing the class and have tangible outcomes, not something based around Santa. Completely not in the school's remit.

If a sensible letter was sent, or phone call made, the OP could discuss the behaviour AND be supportive of the school.

I would be inclined to speak to DS about his behaviour, but say that the school can't decide who Santa is coming to, because everyone knows it's the creepy elves who do that.

Easel saga sounds interesting - could turn it into a CSI learning theme - swabbing mouths for DNA etc! Hmm

NeverEverAnythingEver · 14/12/2015 17:12

How is the OP meant to make the child listen in school from home?

Who has remote control kids!?

And I echo another poster: what do they do the rest of the year!? Not that many festivals around the year where you can threaten kids with mythical personage. Maybe the tooth fairy. Hmm

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 14/12/2015 17:16

I would normally say leave school to it, but this is just ridiculous. I would be very cross. The Santa threat is not one I would make not when the fear of me binning their advent chocolate works so well and certainly wouldn't expect school to threaten what they can't enforce.

Original poster
StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 17:16

Littleone you're right that I'm focussing on the letter but that doesn't mean I'm happy with DS messing about in class. I'd be fine with Golden Time being lost, or being put on Time Out - because that's what the children are told will happen if they don't listen. This just seems cruel.

OP posts:
BondJayneBond · 14/12/2015 17:20

I don't think that a teacher threatening children with Santa is a good idea.

Mainly because I can't imagine many families being all that happy about the notion of cancelling Christmas on the school's say-so if a child continues to be naughty in the last week of school.

Buttercup27 · 14/12/2015 17:21

If I were you I would go in and ask for a copy of their behaviour policy or take in a copy from their Web page. I would then ask HT where abouts in the policy FC is. I am a reception /y1 teacher and would never dream of anything so cruel.

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2015 17:23

It's crap, but in my opinion you'll only make it crapper if you over-rule them.
By all means let them know you don't approve, but back them up, don't tell your ds they're wrong. Give him a chance to get on the Nice list!

No, don't back them up. This is a stupid way to discipline - in fact shows an inability to discipline in my view.

Yes, parents should back schools up by teaching their children manners and good behaviour, but bad behaviour in the classroom should be dealt with in the classroom or the child is being punished twice. Parents should just teach their children to accept fair punishment and not moan.. This one isn't fair. Far too heavy handed (and bear in mind, some Reception children are only 4)

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 14/12/2015 17:26

If this happened to my child i would be furious. But then we are horrible Hippy types who don't every use the word naughty and would certainly never use anything about Christmas as a discipline tool so this would really anger me and I would have to say something to the school...

I'm amazed that a teacher would actually do this though...

diddl · 14/12/2015 17:27

Well yes, so come Friday & your kid is still on the naughty list, FC comes anyway, wtf have the kids learnt??

celtictoast · 14/12/2015 17:30

YANBU. Surely the magic of Christmas and Santa should be exempt from this sort of thing.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/12/2015 17:31

'Naughty' is a banned word at my place Karaoke.

derxa · 14/12/2015 17:32

I can't believe this tbh. I've never called a child naughty far less written the word down in a communication with a parent.

CombineBananaFister · 14/12/2015 17:34

I usually feel so sorry for schools doing their best to discipline children in the face of parents not giving a shit - but this is just odd.

Using santa just isn't appropriate because they have no control whatsoever of the actual outcome so it's just 'empty' and a bit ridiculous. I would tell DS to ignore the letter as it's not the schools role to decide whether they get gifts or not but I would tackle the reason why he got it in the first place so as not to belittle the 'wrongdoing'

APlaceOnTheCouch · 14/12/2015 17:34

YANBU. I'm Shock that a school would do this. If your school is anything like our's then they will have spent the last few weeks winding the DCs up to fever pitch with nativities, carol services, Santa visits, etc, so it's a bit rich to then act surprised that the DCs are hyper.

Also a sensitive DC could be devastated at the thought of Santa not coming, not to mention the ones who would think they couldn't possibly move from one list to another with only a week to go, plus the potential for bullying if only certain DCs are going to be punished by Santa. I'm not sure how I would raise it as an issue but I'd be very concerned about how they maintain order in class if they have to resort to this at this stage of the year.

pretend · 14/12/2015 17:35

As well as being fucking ridiculous, what happened to proportionality?

You didn't listen in class so.... not lost golden time, not tidying the bookshelf, but Christmas is fucking cancelled??

I'd be going in.

nilbyname · 14/12/2015 17:43

Links arms with pretend, me too!

witsender · 14/12/2015 17:44

Blimey, he's 5! Of course they fidget and don't listen sometimes. I hate the whole FC/misbehaviour thing and we don't do it. So I wljld be furious, and telling the school that they need to reconsider...as whether my child gets presents is up to me, not the or a chap in a red suit.

I'd rathery children learned to behave appropriately through methods other than coercion tbh!

annandale · 14/12/2015 17:44

Sorry but I am a bit Grin at the whole idea. I didn't really have Father Christmas as a child (still got stockings, I just knew they were from my parents) so this would have meant very little to me.

On the other hand, I'd want to know what behaviour had caused such an extreme ly stupid threat. I would go in on that basis - get them to explain what has been happening and what support they need to get it sorted - does he need a massive ramping down of Christmas preparation at home, more sleep etc? The classic 'phone call to FC' from you may have to take place so that you can negotiate 'live' with your ds.

Enjolrass · 14/12/2015 17:47

I usually back school 100%.

But not in this. Sorry it's not on. They will still get presents. It's an empty threat.

Like when the teacher told dds class they were all going to be finger printed by the police so see who blocked the sink in the boys toilets. Dd is was 6, shy and very sensitive. She was really upset.

I went in And told them they were being ridiculous.