"Naughty List" letter from school

[StormDesmond]

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

How do you know most of the class have? It's just a lighthearted way of saying please have a word with your child.

Support your school.

I am also a teacher. This isn't about wrapping in cotton oil or blaming the school for the child's behaviour. It isn't about low standards, it's about appropriate nd reasonable actions.
The trouble is, the school have no idea about op's son's previous experience of Christmas. Maybe he has already experienced Christmases with no presents or had very traumatic Christmases in the past. Should he then assume it was because he was bad?
He has no idea what Christmas will be like with his new family and this first Christmas is often stressful for newly adopted children as Christmas is often a time of idealised family and as well as bad memories, op's son may be missing birth or foster families.
My ds has SEN and is also adopted and is having a really tough time behaving at school at the moment as he processes his past trauma. His behaviour is far worse than a bit of messing around during a film. Yes, we are working on this and he is slowly improving, but his self esteem is rock bottom and telling him he is on a naughty list will damage him further. Even though his behaviour is appalling, I would never want him to think he himself is bad because He isn't. He's little and learning and dealing with big stuff.
The school need to consider specific issues that they may or may not know about. Behaviour needs to be dealt with appropriately and in school, only involving parents if it gets more serious.
Unfortunately this was really misjudged and the head needs to rethink so it doesn't happen next year.

It is this sort of ridiculous nonsense why I wouldn't send my child to a state school.

Ridiculous statement.

Plenty of nonsense happens in private schools also!

Some people have more important demands on their time than to read the whole thread and just respond to the OP. After all, the OP asked AIBU. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than read every post.

DS teacher has told the class that she's heard that each and everyone of her class has tried so hard this year that they're all on FC good list, and on her list too, and should be terribly proud of themselves, as trying is all anyone can ever ask of them, and trying hard is the best thing they can do.

Very sweet message, I was surprised that she'd linked it to Father Christmas and The List, but thinking about it, the way it was said promises no presents, and certainly no threats of Christmas cancellations. And for children who know its a story / don't believe for cultural reasons or parental choice, it could be taken as a funny / seasonal way of saying 'well done', and for those who believe it's ok too.

So in retrospect, and compared to this thread, we'll done DS teacher

Btw, I'd hung draw and quarter the idiot head who appears to have no experience, insight or empathy with children at all! And as for the crassness of punishing one gender, in a way that will alienate and upset children with difficult backgrounds and experiences... Well, the head appears to be missing most of the basic skillet of being a teacher, let alone the ability to run a school.

OP, did you mention to the class teacher what a negative impact this will have on your son due to his specific circumstances? I just feel that shouldn't be lost somehow, though of course you may not want to draw attention to his personal experiences. It makes my blood boil on his and your behalf!

I think most parents use father Christmas as an incentive to behave be we have a right. We're buying the presents he gets the credit for. Who does that teacher think she is?

I never let that bearded-weirdo-who-doesn't-exist take any credit for the presents I buy.

sikk - what an insightful post. I wish all teachers had your understanding of children. Your ds is lucky to have found you.

I think it is very poor parenting to use FC as an incentive. I have never used it and would query the 'most' although it does happen. It is the first time that I have heard of a teacher using it. First rule is 'don't issue a threat that you can't carry out'- and a teacher can't , even if mean enough to do it.

I am however having a laugh at the comment that this is 'a state school thing' - you can always rely on MN for some funny replies!

I can honestly say as a parent I have never used FC as either an incentive or a threat.

I might have said I would ask him to lend me an elf to keep an eye on things though

"he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake!" Sound familiar?

Creepy stalker type, this FC.

My daughters school had a visit from a raindeer ( that the parents had to cough up for , total cost £500) which was " educational" . My DD was told only "good children" would be allowed to go and see it. She was not good as she crys all day.
She has been having emotional and behaviour problems at school because of her total lack of energy. She was waiting for major open heart surgery, which was postponed twice.
She is now in hospital having had her surgery yesterday.
Their total lack of understanding how a five year olds mind works has floored me. I took her out of school for the rest of term, cause SHE DOES NOT NEED THAT SHIT.

I get so cross when schools drag Santa activities in.every family has different traditions, budget. I like to supervise the letter writing to Santa so I can manage expectations and of course get something on the list.
Year one, dd came home last day of term eg when I had already got stocking stuff wth a letter they wrote in school and was upset when she didn't get something on the list.
I was amazed when school did this again in year three and even worse Santa wrote them back when the nspcc letters are about to arrive.
Santa is a family thing and not something for schools to get involved in

Schools really need to back off on family Christmas traditions as Kate and alltheworld, amongst others, clearly show. Thinking of you and your DD, Kate x

That's really terrible, OP. Makes me want to cry

But you're dealing with it very well. Your DS is so lucky to have you

Katemustsew - that's awful. That school's behaviour is disability discrimination under the Equality Act 2010 I am sorry you and your duaghter had that experience. You both deserve better. Hope your daughter has a good recovery.

Oh my goodness. I can't believe how awful schools can be sometimes. Makes you wonder if they have any human kindness at all.

I hope your DDs surgery happens and goes well this time. Thoughts and good wishes going your way.

This is a really stupid, self defeating way to deal with children's behaviour for all reasons that have been pointed out on this thread, and raises questions about the abilities of the head.

I think you should calmly send an email listing the reasons why this was an inappropriate thing to do - takes no account of individual circumstances, ineffective, pointless - so that it doesn't happen again.

Our kids' topic homework last week (Y6) was to write a 'persuasive' letter to Father Christmas, explaining why they should be brought the present they really want.

If we'd been a family that celebrates Christmas, and buys into the FC myth, I think I would have been even more irritated than I was...

slkk talks sense.