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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Naughty List" letter from school

248 replies

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 16:38

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

OP posts:

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/12/2015 18:31

I agree too that it suggests an inexperienced teacher partly because imagine the trouble and upset you could cause in a family if they did decide Christmas as cancelled or no stocking for that child because teacher said you've been naughty. I don't think they've thought things through very carefully!

user789653241 · 14/12/2015 18:31

I don't mind at all, teachers are desperate to control children.
But then, my ds didn't believe in Santa anyway, so no big deal.

Haffdonga · 14/12/2015 18:34

Ex teacher here. Appalling strategy on teacher's behalf. Everyone knows Santa has already packed his sleigh.

Actually genuinely appalling. I remember several children who didn't get anything for Christmas at all (and not for religious reasons). This teacher has no way of knowing what families can/can't will/wont be doing. If the dc doesn't get anything they could experience deep shame and guilt at being deemed so naiughty by santa.

enderwoman · 14/12/2015 18:35

Gobsmacked!

She hasn't thought about the fact that some families don't celebrate Christmas so the threat is pointless for them.

Shutthatdoor · 14/12/2015 18:39

I wouldn't go in guns ablazing though as that may not be the whole story.

^ this

yorkshapudding · 14/12/2015 18:40

What about families who don't celebrate Christmas due to religious/cultural reasons? If their DC get one of these letters they might misunderstand and think that the reason they have never had Christmas is because they are 'bad' and being punished? Or, they may then be under the impression that, even though they don't usually have Christmas, all they have to do is be on their best behavior for a week and they'll get Christmas presents! Obviously it would be down to their parents to correct them but it's not necessarily an easy thing to explain to a 5 year old.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/12/2015 18:41

Yes, certainly there's the multi-cultural aspect too. She should appreciate that families have different beliefs and traditions

derxa · 14/12/2015 18:50

his "crime" was talking to his friend instead of watching the Frozen DVD his teacher put on while she helped make costumes for the nativity tomorrow!!!

Haffdonga · 14/12/2015 19:10

No, we may not know the full story but we know that OP's ds came home with the letter. That's enough of the story to be pretty appalled, frankly

Whatever OP's ds did, I don't know what more of the story there could be that would mitigate the teacher's actions.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 14/12/2015 19:13

I remember several children who didn't get anything for Christmas at all
Haffdonga that's a good point. My DSIS is a teacher and there are DCs in her school whose families really struggle financially and the DCs don't get much at all. The last thing they need is a correlation between behaviour in school and how much you get at Christmas. I'm sure some parents do use Santa as a threat to control behaviour but that's a parental choice and parents who can't afford much won't be telling their DCs it's because they misbehave.

PippaH74 · 14/12/2015 19:14

I work in a primary school and don't think this is on at all. Not the schools place to use this as a threat. It's inevitable that they're excitable at this time of year, just got to keep them focused and busy. Don't like labelling kids - not on!

Girlfriend36 · 14/12/2015 19:15

Yeah there isn't anything that the ops son could have done that would have warranted such a ridiculous letter being sent home!!

If he had been 'naughty' fair enough there should be a consequence but not this fgs!!

catfordbetty · 14/12/2015 19:18

That's enough of the story to be pretty appalled, frankly

And in matters of schools and teachers, Mumsnet does love to be appalled.

MrsDeVere · 14/12/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 19:20

Haffdonga DS is adopted and this will be our first Christmas together - possibly his first "real" Christmas. I think that's why I was initially worrying I was over reacting.

OP posts:

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 14/12/2015 19:27

That update has just brought tears to my eyes - i personally thought the FC strategy was poor behaviour management anyway, but presuming that his teacher is aware of the fact that he is adopted and may not have had an ideal start to life, this goes beyond thoughtlessness to plain mean.

Original poster

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 19:30

Yes she's very aware of his past. I don't want that to make him different to any other child in the class though which is why I'd have overlooked this letter business if it was just common practise in schools these days.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 14/12/2015 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slithytove · 14/12/2015 19:32

Storm - have a lovely lovely first Christmas of many with your little boy. You are both very lucky.

PrimeDirective · 14/12/2015 19:33

It actually doesn't matter what the child did to earn this punishment, it was a completely unacceptable thing for any teacher to do.

If there is a problem with his behaviour, it needs to be dealt with properly.
There is no excuse for the teacher's actions.

MrsDeVere · 14/12/2015 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrimeDirective · 14/12/2015 19:37

And actually, knowing he is adopted, it's an utter disgrace and I would take it to show the head.
You may want to treat him the same, but this is his first Christmas with you and his needs are different to other children in the class. It shows extremely poor judgement from the teacher and it needs addressing. She could actually do harm with that kind of behaviour.

VintageDresses · 14/12/2015 19:40

This is so outrageous, I'm having trouble believing it's real. Sorry OP, nothing against you but there's just no way it would happen in any of the schools I've worked in.

It's bad enough when parents try and use it to get better behaviour (it doesn't work, no child believes FC won't come because he's on the naughty list) but for a teacher to issue a "punishment" that won't be followed through is madness - leaving aside the just wrongness of it.

derxa · 14/12/2015 19:44

I would definitely bring it up with the school
This is the only way forward.

Lindt70Percent · 14/12/2015 19:45

That would irritate me so much

We never really bothered with the Father Christmas thing when ours were little. We did stockings but didn't try to persuade them to believe that someone was going to come into our house and fill them with presents etc. - when I originally suggested this to the kids they were pretty skeptical anyway and it seemed weird to try to persuade them to believe it.

It was so annoying when nursery and school kept trying to push the story on them and I would have been very annoyed if school had used it to manage behaviour.

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