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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think traditions should be allowed to develop naturally

177 replies

Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 13:58

as opposed to being force fed. I just see posts on here going 'no, no. MIL can't come this Christmas. We want to build our own traditions' 'SIL wants to buy DS an advent calendar but I want it to be my tradition' etc etc and it sounds a bit contrived and planned. Most of our family traditions were things that just happened one year, were repeated the following and before we knew it a new tradition had been created.

AIBU to think that traditions don't usually start out as 'traditions' but gradually become ones?

OP posts:

mouldycheesefan · 01/12/2015 13:59

ApocalypseNowt · 01/12/2015 14:01

I get what you're saying but I think the point is some people's relatives are more overbearing than others and if they're not firmly but politely told to step back then no traditions of your own ever have a chance of developing iyswim?

Twindroops · 01/12/2015 14:01

I agree OP YANBU.

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:01

I suppose so, but I would not class buying my own dc an advent calendar as a tradition.

Its just what parents do! I would not consider it a tradition to do my dc stocking, its one of the great pleasures of being a parent. Along with all the shit.

Or did you mean things more like, going to a panto on Boxing day, always watching a certain film on xmas eve, or having a take away etc - those to me fall into- tradition - catagory.

mouldycheesefan · 01/12/2015 14:02

Totally agree.

Also be flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. My children have several advent calendars, none from me, who cares if someone else buys them one?

ginagslovechild · 01/12/2015 14:05

It's like those 'Elf on a shelf', so contrived I fucking hate them creepy wee bastards
I agree OP, people say it's their tradition when in fact they are just copying their twee friends!

Hamishandthefoxes · 01/12/2015 14:05

I agree. I've found it really interesting that the best traditions have either just happened or were decided by the children when they became old enough. Almost all my careful plans have long fallen away...

I'm ridiculously excited that the children reminded me today to find the Box of Delights DVD and make sure we have the fire lit this evening to watch episode one...

BertrandRussell · 01/12/2015 14:05

Absolutely. It's "our little familyitis" at its worst.

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 14:05

There are a lot of posts about people fighting (usually with the MIL's) about who gets to do what...I want to do the stocking, not that auld bitch, I want to buy this exact present, not her, I want to go here, do that etc....I don't get it.
Yes there is usually a back story, but not always. And why can't your kid have 2 stockings, can't that be a tradition?

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:06

Well sort of...but the problems arise from parents or inlaws who try to do things which are really the parent's realm...so buying advent calendars, providing stockings etc....these are things which many parents really look forward to doing...and they don't want two!

A tradition is just a thing done regularly which then begins to hold some "weight" in it's own right. So buying an advent calendar could easily be a tradition....but if someone else jumps in then it can't can it. At least not for the person who'se been pipped.

ginagslovechild · 01/12/2015 14:06

And I just realised I forgot to buy a fucking advent calendar. Bah humbug!

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:07

Viola with stockings, at least for my family, they're from Father Christmas. So if MIL was to make and offer an extra one, that would in my opinion remove the shine from the FC one. It's a special thing...a stocking...not SOME stockings.

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:08

I agree. I've found it really interesting that the best traditions have either just happened or were decided by the children when they became old enough

You kinda have to plan stockings though don't you. You also have to buy an advent calender for December

viola

Yes I suppose each grandma could do a stocking couldnt they, and maybe in blended families, the step GP could do some, then we have to expalin to the child about why FC brings about ten thousand stockings?

then the child may not enjoy the noveltly of the stocking so much.

nah, doesnt work.

Original poster

Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:08

But if granny sends an advent calendar one year, and then the next year she does the same and by year 3 the children are excitedly watching the post from the end of November waiting for the calendars to arrive, is that not a lovely tradition?

OP posts:

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 14:09

But WHY does it all have to the parents realm, is the point? Why make it a competition? Traditions with grandparents are also lovely for children?

patterkiller · 01/12/2015 14:09

I don't get the angst about advent calendars. Our DC had one at home and one at PILs that the opened at the weekend on a visit and scoffed a weeks worth in one go.

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:09

but the problems arise from parents or inlaws who try to do things which are really the parent's realm...so buying advent calendars, providing stockings etc

And may I add the problem comes when the in laws or dp simply do not ask/

I would like to do a stocking, what do you think!

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:09

Daisy Maybe because I enjoy choosing and giving them! And they're MY kids!

MIL has had her kids and her advent buying.

Hamishandthefoxes · 01/12/2015 14:10

I thought the stocking was a bit of material the MIL had bought or made which could be stuffed with presents (or had some presents in it which the op of the other thread could decide to keep or bin as she thought). It doesn't stop it being from FC.

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:11

viola

Because the parent, or in my case, me the mother, really really enjoys it.

Because I do all the shit stuff too and these are the little moments I drown in joy, doing. And frankly who is anyone to tell me - or any other poster, they shouldnt enjoy it or want to do it.

Original poster

Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:11

Yes, and she's THEIR granny. Are children not entitled to have traditions involving extended family. Why does it have to come down to 'turns'?

OP posts:

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 14:11

then the child may not enjoy the noveltly of the stocking so much

you don't think that young children can enjoy 2 stockings as much as they would 1? Do you know any children?

No, thats about your feelings, not the childrens.

mouldycheesefan · 01/12/2015 14:11

I welcome any number of stockings, it really is not important.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:11

Hamish the stocking is filled by FC. How is it special if there's one at MILs and one at home?

Viola there are plenty of things grandparents can do....loads of traditions and nice activities they can participate in. WHen a parent wants to do the main Christmas treats themselves, that is perfectly reasonable.

Hamishandthefoxes · 01/12/2015 14:11

Granny buys the advent calendars which is a huge treat for the children. She gets them lego, I'd give them little pictures perhaps with manky chocolate.

With stockings, whoever wants to buys stocking presents. DH and I get pissed on Christmas eve and cram as much as we can into the stockings MIL gave us when the children were born which used to be DHs.

I'm perfectly happy with the drunken stuffing .

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