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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think traditions should be allowed to develop naturally

177 replies

Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 13:58

as opposed to being force fed. I just see posts on here going 'no, no. MIL can't come this Christmas. We want to build our own traditions' 'SIL wants to buy DS an advent calendar but I want it to be my tradition' etc etc and it sounds a bit contrived and planned. Most of our family traditions were things that just happened one year, were repeated the following and before we knew it a new tradition had been created.

AIBU to think that traditions don't usually start out as 'traditions' but gradually become ones?

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:13

My grandparents always had stockings hanging at the fireplace into which they put the presents they had bought for each child. Every Christmas, as soon as mum decorated the house, the grandkids would be running over to the fireplace to greet their individual stocking like an old friend (and to make sure she had remembered to take it out).
It would have been a very selfish parent who'd have put their foot down and started talking about 'turns' and I want to be the only one to do a stocking.

OP posts:
Hamishandthefoxes · 01/12/2015 14:13

The MIL in the other thread gave it to Op. Op didn't say it was filled. Op chooses whether to put out her stocking or Mils' stocking and fills it herself.

I'm not suggesting that the child gets two stockings, I think that is another poster.

When they stop believing though the children would be completely up for that.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:13

Daisy exactly! She's their GRANNY. That comes second to their Mother.

The Mother and Father get to choose what special activities they do. That's all there is to it. And as I said before of course Grandparents can have traditions with their GC....why not? Just not the ones which the parents don't want them to do.

Entitled doesn't come into it though.

Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:14

Sorry, I meant my parents not my grandparents.

OP posts:
TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 14:14

Viola there are plenty of things grandparents can do....loads of traditions and nice activities they can participate in

as long as you let them, if you don't want them for yourself or can't be bothered.
Jaysus, its not really the spirit of christmas, is it? Telling family they can't have a share of the fun, the joy? Other people joining in doesn't diminish what you do or have, it creates more joy. IF you do it properly.

Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:14

By the way, this isn't a thread solely inspired by the other thread. It's something I've been thinking of posting about for a while.

OP posts:
DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:15

Because the stocking comes from FC!

Yes, and she's THEIR granny

so...why doesnt granny think of some other things to do , that dont tread on parents toes!

why, doesn't granny make a tradition of taking DC to the ballett, or the cinema, or a special granny hamper, or a special granny treat.

with a little teeny bit of imagination.....
Goodness....If I am Allowed I will be taking mine to all sorts, afternoon tea, the ballett, buying a special winter dress, or expensive party shoes? A trip to London, the zoo, a special bus trip to see the lights!

Whatsinaname2011 · 01/12/2015 14:15

I think the point is that it's shorthand for "I want to be the one to do it"

For example MIL got advent calendars (the re-usable one that you re-fill) but I'd been hanging my nose over gorgeous ones that I loved and was about to buy them. Then she presented us with ones that now I have to use until the kids are 18. I wanted to buy them.

I guess it's not a "tradition" that I wanted to buy them but it's shorthand for saying "something that will be brought out and used over and over every year, I wanted to be the one to decide on.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:15

Hamish if the OP doesn't want to use the stocking MIL chose, that is fine. I personally like to choose things like that myself. I love it. It's my job.

Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:16

Daisy exactly! She's their GRANNY. That comes second to their Mother.

Maybe you could draw up a pecking order and put beside it exactly what Christmas activities can be indulged at which stages in the order. That way everyone will know where they stand.Sad

OP posts:
Caprinihahahaha · 01/12/2015 14:17

Yes. I agree.
Traditions creep up on you. The ones we have just evolved and have a meaning all of their own. Like DS1 always gets a Jesus related gift. I can barely remember how it started but every year he gets a Jesus gift and everyone finds it disproportionately hilarious.
Also muppets Christmas carol on Christmas Eve with mince pies and fizz .

People just want it all to be special but honestly, it just happens.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:17

WHats no, you don't have to use them at all! If you used them last year, then get your own this year!

But you hit the nail. "I want to be the one to do it"

And that's fine.

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:17

daisy

the presents that go into a stocking could go into a special box, hamper, bag, they could be hidden round the house in grannies special traditional Christmas hunt....

Spidertracker · 01/12/2015 14:17

The only thing I ever put my foot down about was that I didn't want in laws to bring presents on Christmas day. I wanted them to magically appear from Father Christmas.
I think stockings are ridiculously stupid, a load of old pound land tat and chocolate coins but she enjoys putting them together so I leave her to it. The kids eat the coins and bin the tat every year without fail, it is more important that MIL is a big part of their lives she won't be her forever.

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 14:18

Some people are even more miserable at christmas it seems. Is that a tradition?

Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:18

Yes, Drastic or they could be put into granny and granddad's special stocking.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:19

Daisy no need for :( at all. It's just silly to suggest it's all tragic that Grandparents can't do exactly as they want relating to their GC.

As for pecking order...there's no need to draw it up. It's obviously Parents first and that's all that needs to be said in terms of who gets to say what happens in these things.

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:19

That way everyone will know where they stand

well, MY Dgc ARE not even born yet Grin I have two young dc!

I already know my place and where I stand.

I will already know to ask my DC what they want, is it OK to take dc here, is it OK to get these for them!

I know to ask and to let my DC enjoy their own dc like I am doing with dragons breathing fire down their necks.

Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:20

I think there is a need for a Sad House. I really do.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:20

Spider do you still do that? I must say it seems mean to make the DC thing all the pressies are from FC! Not even a bit of thanks for anyone else!

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:20

Daisy I have given a long long list, that is really endless of all the wonderful treats and things grandparents could think of doing.

There is simply no reason for clashes over parts of xmas that belong to parents. No need at all.

It just takes imagination.

As for a stocking - maybe there is some lack of understanding about FC? I dont know I cant explain it.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:21

Daisy why? because a Granny can't buy a stocking when she wants?

Confused

If that's all you've got to be sad about then you're blessed!

DrasticAction · 01/12/2015 14:21

Sad indeed for the GP who lack - imagination and tact. Sad

Original poster
Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 14:23

I'm not saying that grandparents should take over the Santa Claus presents.
I'm saying I don't see the harm in granny or granddad buying the advent calendar or also having a stocking of presents to give to their grandchild at Christmas.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 01/12/2015 14:23

My MIL does things with my DC which are traditions but she'd never get them a stocking or something she knows I like doing.

She takes mine to see the ponies every Sunday. She makes pies with them whenever they visit because they adore that.

She does a million other things with them. But if I want to say "Actually MIL, I'm getting that because I like a particular one."

THen that doesn't make me mean!