To think traditions should be allowed to develop naturally

[Daisysbear]

as opposed to being force fed. I just see posts on here going 'no, no. MIL can't come this Christmas. We want to build our own traditions' 'SIL wants to buy DS an advent calendar but I want it to be my tradition' etc etc and it sounds a bit contrived and planned. Most of our family traditions were things that just happened one year, were repeated the following and before we knew it a new tradition had been created.

AIBU to think that traditions don't usually start out as 'traditions' but gradually become ones?

About 17 yrs ago, I forgot to get the advent calendars for my DSDs (who shock horror had one at their mums too). I asked my MIL to pick up a couple. The next year she offered... I gratefully accepted as the girls had asked if Gran was getting them one.

Fast forward 17 yrs, MIL is buying for both my girls and DSDs. My eldest DSD asked if I would be buying one for her DD as I am now the "Gran".

I didn't realise we had a tradition until that point.

I have been pondering this as I don't really understand why these things cause such issues and it seems to come down to a simple lack of communication.

Why this is, I guess, is for a multitude of reasons. When DH spoke to his mum asking her not to repeat the stockings it wasn't confrontational, no one was left feeling bad and no grudges were kept (- is that really bad English?).

My sister used to go waaaay overboard at Christmas and it was too much (storage alone was an issue!) and was a bit overwhelming for them. I know she wants to spoil them, she has no kids of her own and she wants to treat them in a way that we weren't as kids. I took her aside one day and asked her to tone it down. That the kids would get as much out of spending time with her and her showing an interest in their lives as material gifts. Again, no tears or recriminations. A rational discussion with an outcome we were both happy with.

From what I've read it's the feeling of being undermined, that you (as in vous) aren't making the right decisions for your own children so grandparents swoop in and take over, etc. My mum was furious when her mother rang her one day to make sure we children were wearing vests! Not because she was being caring and thoughtful but the implication was that my mum wasn't being!