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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a baby I can't afford

182 replies

butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:09

Because if I wait until I can afford it I will never have one but I can't help but wonder if it's right? Has anyone ever done this?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 22/08/2015 15:10

How old are you?

Floggingmolly · 22/08/2015 15:11

If you can't afford it; who's going to pick up the slack? need I ask? Hmm

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:11

35

OP posts:
Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:11

How do you mean flogging?

OP posts:
ArendelleQueen · 22/08/2015 15:11

When you say "can't afford", what exactly do you mean? You can buy very good quality, cheap second hand baby paraphernalia. Do you have a partner?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 22/08/2015 15:13

At 35, you want to get cracking. The truth is no one cam afford children!! They are expensive, and life changing. Not affording it, doesnt stop people having them.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 22/08/2015 15:13

I think flogging means if you can't afford the baby, who exactly is going to pay for it?

SellFridges · 22/08/2015 15:14

It entirely depends on what you mean by "can't afford it". If you plan to rely on the state in any way then unfortunately I don't think you can afford it. The state is there to provide a safety net and should certainly not be relied upon.

If, on the other hand, you mean things will be tight for a few years then you can probably juggle things.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 22/08/2015 15:16

Is this a hypothetical baby or a currently-cooking one?

OwlinaTree · 22/08/2015 15:16

Define can't afford. Childcare or stay at home is going to be the big expense. Can you afford to pay for nursery or not earn? That is the question.

Scoobydoo8 · 22/08/2015 15:16

Rely on the state if you want but don't come bleating on here in several years time about how hard it is/ you want to work but can't afford childcare etc etc etc etc etc

Rainuntilseptember15 · 22/08/2015 15:18

Rely on the state meaning - child benefit? Working tax credits? Some kind of Daily Mail story?
The child you have could do great thing, pay lots of tax and reimburse the state twice over for the expenditure. Or just be a really decent person. I don't think only rich people should reproduce, in fact heaven help us if that happened.

NicoleWatterson · 22/08/2015 15:19

Yes I have, I found myself pregnant (2x contraception failure) and in the worst possible financial situation.
The sensible thing for me would be to have aborted.
But I couldn't, for me in that pregnancy it was not even an option. If I had aborted and tried again when i was in a better financial position, it wouldn't have happened as I would be pushing 50.
I'm a bit down the line now, I feel awful that my child doesn't have the stability (private renting), the pretty bedrooms, the pets she should.

I do feel incredibly lucky that I have a child though. I wouldn't chose this life for me and my daughter, I wouldn't chose the lack of money, the stress, the worry about long term pensions, inheritance, the probable burden I will be. But I do also feel she chose me, she chose the time.
So in short, mine was and is a happy gift but I certainly wouldn't have purposefully fallen pregnant to give us and her this life.

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:20

Hypothetical baby.

I'm mainly worried about them growing up, not being able to afford things their friends have or go abroad or things. Babies are cheap but children not so much. It's selfish to think of it really. I thought I'd come to terms with being childless but my friend is pregnant and it hurts.

OP posts:
GarminGirl · 22/08/2015 15:21

Where's the father in this? Your post is all 'I' not 'we'

hartmel · 22/08/2015 15:22

Before we had kids, financially we were good. Even could afford two vehicles. Bought a house. And ate out of house a lot.. So we decided to have a baby.

All I can say that having kids is not easy but you just have to watch for the sales. And because my kids (age 23 month and 9 month) are growing so fast I can't keep up, I buy most of there clothing, toys second hand.. And for nappies if they are on sale I stock up. Same goes for formula..

My husband went on parental leave when our second child came and that was very very tight. Some days i didn't know how to buy nappies and formula for them. But everything worked out good..

And as you said in your post, if you will wait till you can afford it, it might be to late. Grin

Good luck with everything.
Having kids is wonderful..

CalmYourselfTubbs · 22/08/2015 15:23

maybe think about how this baby and then child will be affected by lack of money? its very hard living in a skint household when you're a child/teenager.
if you really are on the bones of your arse, with no prospect whatsoever of better finances in the future, then if i were you, i would not have a child.
its crap being poor, i know. and i don't think bringing someone else into a life of poverty is a good idea.

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:24

I know calm, that's why I'd pretty much decided not to have a child.

But it does make me sad.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 22/08/2015 15:25

Do you have a job? Somewhere to live? Would you be able to afford childcare when you went back to work? Do you have a partner?

bikeandrun · 22/08/2015 15:25

If you are in work, you should be able to afford to have a child. Tax credits and help with nursery costs are available. Small children don't cost very much if you are happy with second hand stuff etc. I was better off on maternity leave than I was in work, no new clothes, cost of commuting etc, not going out. Teenagers cost a fortune but keep working and your earning potential may increase in the future.

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:29

I know but it's what happens when they are teens, and I think even before that a child would need his/her own bedroom :)

OP posts:
GarminGirl · 22/08/2015 15:32

So what's your situation?

waitaminutenow · 22/08/2015 15:33

the truth is no one can afford to have children

Sallyhasleftthebuilding.....that's not a truth at all. Plenty of people can afford to have children (even without state help)

OP...If there is no partner/support system around you and you would be relying on the government then yes I think YABU. But I also don't think 35+ is too old.My aunt just had her first at 39. I had another aunt who had her last at 42.

PollysHoliday · 22/08/2015 15:33

I think at times like yours having a child can be a death bed decision. What I mean is when you are lying on your death bed are you more likely to regret having a child in poverty or having no child at all?

Assuming that you have no fertility problems you have a good five or so years to work with. If you do have fertility problems (have you any way of knowing yet?) the clock is really ticking.

Have you waited this long already because of finances? How bad are they and is there no respite in view?

My parents weren't very well off at all. I always understood that we couldn't have or do what other families did but I don't remember feeling hard done by it's just how it was.

OiledBegg · 22/08/2015 15:34

Do you have a partner who you love with and is also working? If you want something badly enough you can make it work.

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