To have a baby I can't afford

[butteredtoastandjam]

Because if I wait until I can afford it I will never have one but I can't help but wonder if it's right? Has anyone ever done this?

You don't know what's going to happen when they get older. We were on a tight budget growing up and could never afford the latest clothes or technology, but I don't resent my parents for it!

How many hours a week do you work op? If you've only yourself to look after presently surely you can find an hour or two each day to study for something that might improve your earning potential?

If you own your flat outright is it possible to move areas to get more for your money in the future?

But if you don't have a mortgage and work full time (I presume) and saving £1500 isn't a problem (possibly multiple times) then you can afford a teenager too.

Personally it doesn't sound like you have really thought it all out. Childcare for example....who is babysitting? What happens if they let you down last minute. This is a huge problem for parents relying on friends and family, it's puts jobs at risk.

If you own your flat outright then you're in a much better position than most. I only earn a few quid an hour more than you and am paying over half my monthly wage in rent.
If your job is a permanent, fixed hour contract then i would say you are in a good position to have a baby even though you are single.
FYI there are childminders available who work weekends and evenings. Some even overnight. At least they do in my area. Do a Google search for childminders near you and see if it'd be an option.
A one-bed flat you'd be ok in for a few years, once child is older they could have the bedroom and you could have a soda that folds into a bed in living room. It's all about what you're willing to sacrifice.

OP you could also think about doing an OU course or degree if you wanted to improve your earning potential before having a baby.

I've definitely tried to meet someone but haven't had any luck and obviously don't want to end up in a situation where I'm in a bad relationship to get a child. Remember I did say at the start I thought I'd accepted probably not having a baby but then started thinking about it again.

It would be a struggle to be honest, no denying that and I already live up north.

I can't oiled - don't have the ability.

right, cost it out then, what you get in each month - childcare where I am works out at £1k a month for 8am - 6pm, would you be able to work hours that would fit in with that? Most nurseries and childminders arent available for more than 30 minutes either side of that, and you will pay more for that.

Weekend work, is very hard to find formal childcare for - and most teens would not be happy being left for a long time with a small child. Can you move to working daytime only?

you might not have been sick as an adult yet, but you do need to factor in that childbirth is rather damaging to a body, it's a hell of a thing to go through - plus that nurseries are a hot bed of illness - most children spend the first few months getting a selection of colds and bugs, often passing on to parents...

you own a flat outright, so that's helpful, no housing costs to start with,you could easily share a room with your DC for the first couple of years then you sleep in the living room, make the bedroom their room for another 10 years or so. Would moving be an option later on? Either renting out your flat and renting somehting larger? This could be saved for now/over the next 10 years.

I would say delay a year, save as much as you can and see if you can retrain/gain additional qualifications for a better paid job, and possibly see if you can meet someone to have a baby with.

Do be very very careful about planning on current benefit levels, Labour seem to have given up on the next election already so we're looking at 10 years of the present government who are committed to reducing the welfare state. Anything you get has to be seen as a bonus, you need to be able cope by yourself.

Your situation is not all that bad, in my opinion - l'd suggest giving it a go!

There are no perfect parents, despite what they may earn. Your life is the only one you have. Think of yourself and try.

odds do not appear that good using IUI:

Figures from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) suggest that each cycle of IUI with donor sperm has a success rate of:

15.8% for women under 35 
11.0% for women aged 35-39 
4.7% for women aged 40-42 
1.2% for women aged 43-44 
0% for women over 44  

so I can see your concern re age
if I was you (speaking as someone who became a single parent (not by choice I would add) ) 40 years ago it is a hard /lonely road to follow although single parents are much better cared for now - I would look for a partner who will support you and share the joy of parenthood and your biological clock would still have time left to run.

tue but most of those are from people with pre existing fertility problems which I don't have to my knowledge.

Don't really understand the Aibu part- you can afford a baby, you seem to be worried about later. But who knows what will happen then? You could meet someone, get a better job, your area could become massively desirable and your flat worth a fortune. Loads of possibilites!

Wouldn't you just need donor sperm? You could Turkey bast it for minimum cost (not very reliable but nor is anything else!)

Well I wouldn't be meeting someone if I had a baby, and it's unlikely I'll ever be on much money or that the flat will rocket in value! So not sure there's loads of possibilities realistically.

Have a baby if you want to have a baby.

You are not stuck in your job forever.

Retrain. Get qualifications, and yes, btw, you can 'just get qualifications', evening classes, short courses, online courses - all of these options are do-able, it might mean less leisure time, but it will pay off in the end, unless you are about to tell me that you work 23 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year? If not, then you have time to retrain.

Apply for jobs now, in positions where you would have opportunity for promotion or to complete work based qualifications.

Stop thinking about what you don't have and can't do and start thinking about what you can have and what you can do.

You sound so negative. Chin up a bit and get on with it.

Why wouldn't you meet someone with a child? Stop being so miserable

Surely if those figures are specifically for women using donor sperm the issue was largely male not female infertility? So they would be broadly accurate to you op.

Even if you double those success rates to account for female fertility issues in the sample you can't assume one round will result in a pregnancy for you.

You need to make decisions about this pretty quickly to give yourself enough time to have (save up for) more than one round.

I'm not miserable, what a strange comment?

We no you can't 'just' get qualifications though, actually. You need to be able to get them! I'm actually good at my job but you don't need qualifications for it and I can't add up so don't think I'm going to pass maths any time soon. Have already tried 3 times.

Today I worked 6:30-10, then 11:30-1 and am out again 6-9, it's hard fitting in classes between that. Plus I don't get the same hours every week.

I have loads of stuff but no ones asked me about it, it doesn't mean I am 'miserable' though! I love my job!

You're only 35! I had dd when I was 41. You have tons of time.

Yes and no in that it is self evident that those attending for IUI are more likely to be those who have had difficulty getting pregnant but often this is for no other reason than maternal age. My friend stopped taking the pill aged 34 (she had been with her partner for 6 years). No luck naturally and they lived in an area where they could have 1 round of IUI. It didn't work and she just resigned herself to fate. She fell pregnant with her only child aged 40.
I also have a friend who got pregnant on the first month she stopped taking the pill aged 28 but when she tried to conceive her second aged 37, it took 20 months. Please don't be complacent about your fertility prospects. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I really don't!

For qualifications, try distance learning first; then you can fit in studying around your hours. Start with something which you find interesting anyway as that will make it easier. What sort of things are you interested in? Ecology? Music? Books? What do you enjoy?

Honestly, thank you but I am happy in my job and I have no desire or if I am honest ability to get additional qualifications.

Everyone has the ability to learn.

I cannot add up either, tbh, I have qualifications. I have an NVQ III in admin. I have a GNVQ in marketing. I have A levels in English language and Psychology. I have multiple IT, computing and networking certifications.

I have a C in GCSE math, that I managed on the third resit, after literally hours a day of studying.

You sound like you've given up on yourself.

What is your job?

You seem incredibly negative, OP.

Why can't you improve your job prospects by getting more qualifications? You could go to college in the day time and work in the evening. Why wouldn't you think of improving that whether or not you have a child?