To have a baby I can't afford

[butteredtoastandjam]

Because if I wait until I can afford it I will never have one but I can't help but wonder if it's right? Has anyone ever done this?

By 'not afford' your mean they won't have designer clothes, a pony or holidays abroad then you are not being unreasonable. If, however, you mean you wouldn't be able to to feed or clothe them then you are being unreasonable.

Sorry, I don't know how I came to the conclusion you rent. Must be a push on a low wage to manage a mortgage too tho

I don't have a mortgage

You don't rent nor have a mortgage?

Why the ?

From what I've read it sounds like you CAN afford it... What you worried about?

No bedroom or personal space of their own. Sharing with me or me in the living room
No garden
Very very very very very tight budget, as in up shit creek if something went wrong
No holidays
No nice clothes or treats (admittedly only important as they grow but still)

I wonder what the bare minimum amount is to be able to 'afford' a child?

I'd be interested to know because I am considering the IUI route to having a child on my own and although my situation is slightly better than the OP's in that I have a spare bedroom and a salaried job, I doubt I'll ever be in a convincing enough position financially for it to be deemed a 'good idea'.

For it to be a thoroughly safe plan, and to cover all possible eventualities you'd probably need savings of £300k (20k for 15 years) at least to cover years of illness or whatever and ensure the DC could attend extra-curricular activities etc. I don't know many people with savings of more than 3k let alone that much!

Yes I own it

Do online training in the day then.

Okay IUI is cheaper than full blown IVF but please do bear in mind success rates, you need to be prepared for that one shot to fail.

Relying on teenage babysitters at weekends seems a bit precarious in the long term.

My first post was meant to be encouraging but you are going to need to take the bull by the horns and plan, prepare and try improve your circumstances.

So you don't rent or have a mortgage?

You don't have support but do have people willing to babysit so you can hold down a job.

Saving £1500 is doable to pay for iui.

It doesn't sound like you can't afford to have a child at all tbh. You sound like a lot of people, maybe even better off.

It's really difficult to give and opinion or advice of you won't give the full info in one go.

lost with the online training but you do know I work then as well? Ah if only I only worked weekends!

Problem is you just can't plan and prepare for everything.

But when we start engaging in discourse about appropriate and inappropriate or worthy and non-worthy parents then we enter very dangerous territory. Consider it eugenics if you will.

It's not unreasonable to consider various doomsday scenarios but no-one truly knows what fate will befall them. I couldn't in my heart of hearts tell you not to have a child because of my (or anyone's) arbitrary views on parenting. Imo families with 19+ kids are more of an issue.

Gardens and fancy holidays don't matter. If you feel within yourself that you can somehow manage then go for it. I highly doubt that should you make it to 90 years old you'll give yourself a pat on the back for not having a child all those years ago because you only lived in a one-bed flat.

Why the

I was confused. is the confused emoticon

Spartans, like I've tried to say it's more linked to what they won't have. I mean yes, I could afford a baby but they don't stay babies and realistically if they are going to grow and resent me - I don't want to do that!

If you own the flat, OP, could you sell it and move to a cheaper area to get the second bedroom you ideally need?

You're actually in a pretty good position if you own somewhere outright!

As long as you can afford to keep the child well-fed and clothed and in a flat that is warm and safe, I really do think you can do this and shouldn't worry about the luxuries.

You just need to put some plans in place for some of the 'what if' situations...

People have babies in much, much worse circumstances. You sound realistic, grounded and are in a secure show with stable housing.

There are so many people who get pregnant by accident in terrible situations and they cope. I was one of 7 kids in my family and we grew up without 2 pence to rub together. My dad worked but this was the 80s and times were v tough.

We've all done brilliantly, are happy, in good relationshilps and have very stable home lives which I think is mostly because we were surrounded by love.

I'd crack on OP. Good luck.

*home, not show

It's pretty much as cheap as it gets unfortunately otherwise I would!

I don't know why it wasn't all put in the op instead of drip feeding

With the biggest outgoing eliminated (rent/mortgage) then you aren't doing too bad

If you really want a child and don't want to face future regret and disappointment, you have a short window in which to do something about it. You have been drip feeding information so it is hard to grasp how you've arrived at this point in your life. You seem to discount ever finding a partner but don't say why?
Wouldn't that be the conventional means of providing a child with love and security. Two incomes, even if low, are better than one. You seem to be painting yourself into a corner of struggle and strife if you try to manage on your own.
You are blithely relying on becoming (and staying) pregnant after one round of IUI. Perhaps you should Google the statistics for that scenario for a 35 year old. I know it is tough news to take but fertility falls off a cliff in your late 30s and if you ignore this factor, you do so at your peril.
You really are at a crossroads in your life but you can't put all of your hopes in a single round of fertility treatment. Please be more positive about your prospects - join an agency, a gym, go on a hobby singles holiday. You really can't hang around if you really do want a child.