To have a baby I can't afford

[butteredtoastandjam]

Because if I wait until I can afford it I will never have one but I can't help but wonder if it's right? Has anyone ever done this?

You sound deluded about the reality of caring for a young child. How much experience have you had with babies and toddlers?

Being a parent is not the be all and end all, we all have regrets but having a baby because you might regret not having one is foolish, even if your practical situation wasn't difficult.

I've read loads of threads about practical self sacrifice parents make, working in a hated job because it fitted with family life, making sacrifices to save ahead of planning children, you seem remarkably inflexible or open to new ways of living.

So YANBU to think you shouldn't have a baby.

I think that there is no right time to have a baby and therefore no wrong time either. What is sad is that we are going through austerity with a govt that is intent on making life hard for most people. Circumstances change, being secure when you have children does not guarantee that you will be secure when they start school.

I tend to agree with cheddar it seems to be a thread about can I have a baby under these circumstances...Working shifts with 2 parents in the picture is hard enough.

You don't want to change your job which is obviously your choice however it doesn't fit childcare hours. ..A teenager is not reliable consistent childcare. Childcare is this country is very limited..Child friendly hours are not so easy to come by..looking ahead you are going to need to pay for childcare school holidays when a child reaches school age.

It will be very lonley as a LP working you won't then want your child in further childcare so your only social interaction will be mostly at work.

You seem to struggle with any of the ideas which people are suggesting you change...As a parent situations constantly change.

It may also be how it comes over the net but I don't hear any passion in wanting a child.. To make a decision to do it on your own is really tough..When you have a day of tantrums there is no one to take them for an hour, when you have had no sleep because your child is poorly you have to get up and do your normal day activities. If you are going to have to sell stuff for treatment where are you going to get the money for even the basics cot, pushchair, car seat, etc. they get more expensive as well. they eat more , want specif things.

Have you got any chance of saving up now..If not how will you cope?

Interesting thread. I am not sure what I think about this. Instinctively, I feel that having children certainly shouldn't be a privilege reserved for the rich. Most of us rely on state help in one way or another - the NHS, state education or whatever. And many, many people on lower incomes bring up happy, successful and well-adjusted kids.

But equally, I think you need to think about the practical realities for the child. Doing without gadgets or fancy holidays is one thing, but the lack of suitable living space would be an issue as the child got older, and if there is no realistic prospect of the situation improving - as the OP seems unwilling to pursue any qualifications that might lead to a better career - I think that would potentially be an issue. I think the current plans for childcare sound unrealistic, too. I would not leave an inexperienced teenager in charge of a young baby.

My DH grew up in poverty. I am glad that he is here, and so is he, but the legacy of his upbringing is far-reaching, and continues to impact on him in many ways.

What I can't quite make out is whether the OP really wants a baby here and now, or whether she is more worried that she might regret not having had one at some point in the future.

Being a parent is wonderful, but it's bloody hard work. Not something to do "just in case"...

Hi OP. I'm sorry that some people have been so unpleasant to you. It's not necessary or justified and it's certainly not helpful.

My view on it is that you shouldn't look forward and try to decide whether or not you would feel regret in some imagined future.

You should look at your life now and ask yourself honestly if it would be better or worse with a baby in it. Ask someone who has a baby to be brutally honest about what it is like. The PC thing is to say that it is 'hard work' but that really doesn't even touch it. The financial challenge you would face I actually see as secondary to the emotional challenge of raising a baby on your own. Despair, rage, frustration, bone shaking, eye splitting exhaustion and sleep deprivation. The physical challenge of lifting and rocking and feeding that baby 24/7 with no one just to hold her for an hour at midnight when she is screaming her lungs out and you haven't been able to eat or wash and the house is in chaos and your back is breaking and you have nothing left to give.

At the moment it seems like you have a stable and comfortable life, a job you enjoy, and your own home, time for yourself and your friends, and enough money to save, which could be spent pursuing activities you that give you pleasure. If you like your life as it is right now, I would think very carefully about giving it up. Both those who have children and those who do not may end up regretting their choices in the future.

Very good advice from sunset. Although you would probably manage financially I am not sure I would recommend deliberately entering into lone parenthood with no support network or financial cushion. Believe me, it is hard. And I say that as someone with a husband, support network and financial cushion. Dont take it too lightly.