Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a baby I can't afford

182 replies

butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:09

Because if I wait until I can afford it I will never have one but I can't help but wonder if it's right? Has anyone ever done this?

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 22/08/2015 15:35

Not true Sally, we can afford to have children. We're not entitled to child benefit. We have budgeted and can afford to pay for them.

OiledBegg · 22/08/2015 15:35

*live with

bikeandrun · 22/08/2015 15:37

Having children was certainly a great driver for my dh to be more committed to his career to provide for his children. No one can completely predict what they will be earning 15 years from now, I bet middle class Greeks or Syrians couldn't have predicted what would happen when they chose to have kids years ago. Work hard do your best for your kids, society has a responsibility to provide education and health care for all and also a safety net of benefits if the worst happens( this is not the same as planning to have a baby solely on benefits!)

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:41

I don't have a partner, so that's largely why things are just so tight.

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 22/08/2015 15:41

What is your current situation, are you working? Are you in a relationship? if so, what sort of career does your DP have? Do you have family nearby who'll help?

If you are alone and in minimum wage type job with no prospect of improving your earning potential and no family near by, then I'd say no.

If you are in a committed relationship with a partner who's low earning now but has potential, family who'll help with childcare and potential to increase your earnings yourself, then go for it.

I would be very very wary of making decisions based on benefits that are currently available, as many people have found to their cost, what you are 'entitled to' can quickly change if the government decides to change it.

DinosaursRoar · 22/08/2015 15:43

oh X post. Who do you intend to have this baby with then? Am assuming if money is tight then IVF isn't an option.

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:44

It would be an option, yes.

OP posts:
Spartans · 22/08/2015 15:44

It really depends on the situation.

There is a difference between it being difficult and being piss poor. I have been both. I wouldn't have a child if there was no way it could have its own room, I already was struggling to pay bills etc.

If it meant no holidays abroad and that's that. Then I would be willing to do that.

GarminGirl · 22/08/2015 15:46

So you can afford ivf?

Would work give you a good maternity package?

ChilliAndMint · 22/08/2015 15:49

You can bring up a child very well on very little income.

A child does not need the latest £2000 travel system, a pram from the charity shop/relative would suffice.

You don't need all the paraphernalia that is advertised; I never used a baby bath, bouncer, activity centre or expensive sling.

Babies get given so much stuff when they are born that you will not have to buy very much in the way of clothes for about 12 months.

Breast milk is free, baby food pennies to make.

Toys can be picked for little cost and they prefer a cardboard box most of the time.

There are so many free activities for children, mine preferred a walk in the country park plashing in puddles to any expensive soft play centre.

RepeatAdNauseum · 22/08/2015 15:49

How long did saving for IVF cost?

I think IVF is around £6k, so if you've managed to save that, would you be able to do it again to make things less tight in the future?

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:50

I know, raising babies is cheap or at any rate can be done cheaply. But it's after that - when they actually need their own space and a garden and so on.

For IUI I'd need to sell some stuff, and save, of course.

OP posts:
Rainuntilseptember15 · 22/08/2015 15:53

I think an idea of how difficult things are financially is needed here - are you struggling to fill the electricity meter? Or buying only sale stuff from Boden? Is one of your employed?

LazyLohan · 22/08/2015 15:53

It doesn't sound like you're going to be having a child in actual real poverty. It sounds like you would be able to afford to eat and house yourselves okay. A lot of children have very, very happy childhoods without iPads or the latest trainers or holidays abroad.

Bogeyface · 22/08/2015 15:54

What is your work situation?

You are assuming that you will always be in the financial situation you are in now, is that realistic? In your career would you be able to reasonably assume that you will progress and therefore earn more?

Is a change of career an option to increase your earning potential?

I had children I could afford. My last one we definitely could afford, and then 12 months later my husband got made redundant and its been one disaster after another since then. We've managed. The planned move to a bigger house has not happened and when I talked to the kids about it they were happy because they didnt want to move from a teeny tiny house anyway and would rather share rooms than move!

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 15:55

Probably won't progress much (lack qualifications.) I have a 1 bed flat, which is the main issue.

OP posts:
Rainuntilseptember15 · 22/08/2015 15:55

Sorry just read you are single. I've hardly ever bought clothes for mine, there is often someone happy to see their dcs clothes go to a good home. A garden is nice but certainly not essential.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 22/08/2015 15:57

Get qualifications? You are employed, I was picturing things were worse. Were you intending to stay in your flat for ever? It will be fine for a few years at least.

GarminGirl · 22/08/2015 15:59

And do you have support locally? For childcare, early days?

PollysHoliday · 22/08/2015 15:59

Buttered that makes things tricky then.

I think the best you can hope for these days is one round of IVF funded by the NHS, but needing IVF just because you are a single woman might mean you don't qualify for any NHS funding.

With each cycle having around a 33% success rate you should reasonably anticipate going through three rounds of IVF to achieve a pregnancy. I think IVF costs around £4000 each time, so you will probably need to lay your hands on £12,000 just to try to get pregnant.

What are your career prospects? Can you make progress and improve your income? Could you afford full time childcare? I heard someone in the park the other day saying child care costs him £14,000 a year Shock. I've taken a cut in salary, of a similar amount, to reduce my hours so we haven't used childcare.

Vernonon · 22/08/2015 16:03

My friend had a one-bed flat - as her dd grew older, she had the bedroom and friend slept in the living room. She owned her flat but signed on and in those days the state paid your mortgage interest rather than HB (they don't now). She only started working when her dd went to secondary and money was always very tight. Her dd is fab and they are very close.

Anyway I don't agree with all her choices but you could definitely manage in a one/bed flat so long as you would've prepared to use the living room for you.

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 16:07

You're not entitled to fertility treatment if you're single :)

I can't just get qualifications but, um, thanks Hmm No, I've got no support.

OP posts:
GarminGirl · 22/08/2015 16:08

What qualifications would you need? What kind of job do you have currently?

Original poster
butteredtoastandjam · 22/08/2015 16:09

A rubbish one :) £6.90 an hour. Goes up to £8 at weekends ... Hmm

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 22/08/2015 16:09

Babies and toddlers are very cheap (excluding childcare costs). When they reach teenage years they cost an awful lot more. I have 3 teenage ds's who eat more than adults and take men sized shoes/ trainers. football boots and other clothing. If we go out to eat they have adults meals. We can no longer have cheap holidays in a caravan as they don't fit in the beds !! They cost a fortune in football subs/ activities/ school trips/ school bags etc and that is before the University years loom. I wouldn't change it though. We can afford them( no benefits) but would still have had kids if I was poor ( maybe not 3 though). In fact we were pretty poor when we had them but have gradually managed to increase income as they grew.