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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Christmas dinner?

297 replies

Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:27

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
pictish · 09/08/2015 10:30

Just cook the bloody turkey, I'd say.

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:30

Grin Op, please stick to your guns, how dare they dictate when YOU are hosting and who knows they may like it.

Please - keep firm and say NO, its our home this is what we are having.

Yes its frightfully rude and I would convey this to DH to be diplomatic and relay this back to his family.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 10:30

Tell them not to bother coming then.
Or tell your husband to cook turkey for them and you'll book a meal out for yourself and eat what you want to.

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:30

and give in to rude bullies?

no way on principle I would have to cook it now.

DurhamDurham · 09/08/2015 10:30

I prefer beef on Christmas Day but due to the fact that many people consider it sacrilege to eat anything other than Turkey I'd always cater for them too, you don't need to buy an entire turkey, you could get a turkey crown. My husband says it isn't Christmas if there's no turkey whereas I think it's very bland and boring. A big fat joint of beef is so much nicer.

cashewnutty · 09/08/2015 10:31

I understand their reluctance. Turkey is so quintessentially Christmas. As a compromise could you buy a turkey crown and then choose either beef of salmon as the other option?

It is only August - it's a bit dramatic to say your plans need to be scrapped - they just need to be fine tuned to suit everyone.

pinkyredrose · 09/08/2015 10:32

Could they do the turkey and bring it with them?

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:33

Op we are not turkey fans either and never have it - every xmas I dream of a rib of beef but we are not enough to eat one, perhaps you can host us on xmas day - we will happily eat your beef Grin.

however op i dont know why you even mentioned what your serving and so many months in advance> why didnt you just serve it on the day?

ilovesooty · 09/08/2015 10:33

I know you acknowledged in your OP that it was still summer but I'm still Shock that people start discussing arrangements for one meal in December as early as August.

Classroomblues · 09/08/2015 10:33

They can cook the turkey at home and bring it! Do what you want to do!

BlueStarsAtNight · 09/08/2015 10:33

It's tough. On the face of it I'd say YANBU and you should cook what you and DH want if you are hosting. But, having said that, if my in-laws came to us for Christmas, there's not a cats chance in hell that they'd settle for anything except turkey, and I know in your position I'd end up doing turkey as I'd want my guests to be happy.

Lucky for me my in-laws are too set in their Christmas ways to ever consider not having Christmas their own way in their own house so they will never come to us!

pictish · 09/08/2015 10:34

I'd prefer the beef myself...not keen on turkey. But I'd not fall out about it or see it as a stick-to-my-guns situation. Pick your battles. People like a turkey for Christmas.

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:34

Yes serve up a turkey crown and have the main show - the beautiful beef for yourself and dh

cashewnutty · 09/08/2015 10:34

Also - the guests are perhaps not being bullies. I host Christmas every year and if i suggested no turkey there would be wails of indignation and an assertion that we HAVE to to have turkey. There would be no suggestion of bullying just family with Sad and Shock faces. And i would laugh and cook the bloody turkey. Grin

No messing with Christmas in my family!

daisydukes229 · 09/08/2015 10:35

I can see where they are coming from.
For me, it wouldn't feel like Christmas without the Turkey. (Although I would never be so rude as to demand turkey I would feel really disappointed if there wasn't any)

I agree with reaching a compromise bt doing what you want but just grabbing a Turkey crown for them as well

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:35

But people should be able to try new things pictish!

They may adore beef and think why have we ever stuck to turkey, its op xmas host - she is hosting its her choice!

who on earth dictates what they eat bar special diets to the host? its sooooooo rude?

if they are so keen on turkey why dont they host, or why are they even bothering to go anywhere?

scarlets · 09/08/2015 10:36

Perhaps a compromise. Turkey + something of your choice.

Original poster
Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:37

I could cook a turkey crown the night before. It just starts to get seriously expensive then. God knows how I'd fit it all in the fridge.

OP posts:
BlueMoonRising · 09/08/2015 10:37

Do your beef and salmon - and then buy one of those horrible Bernard Matthews Turkey Roasts (do they still exist?) for the people that want turkey....

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:37

I must say I have always since child had different meats at xmas, one year beef, one duck, one goose etc.

Its a piece of meat and small part of the whole day surely? Even of the meal?

How can not having turkey ruin a whole day Confused

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 10:38

YY blue Grin

WorktoLive · 09/08/2015 10:38

I agree with you. I dont' actively dislike turkey but I can take or leave it and would always choose other meats in preference.

We do have turkey for christmas and another meat too. It's the only time we have it (I buy a single giant turkey breast from the local farm shop) - there are always leftovers which get eaten in the following days or frozen for later. So one purchase of turkey per year.

But YANBU in your salmon and beef plan. You say that everyone likes it so it's not like they will go hungry. You could just go ahead with it because there won't be anything they can do about it when it is served up on christmas day will there? But then that could spoil the day if they moan excessively about it. How do you think they'll react if you go ahead with salmon and beef - will they just eat it gratefully like adults or will it start the feud to end all feuds and no-one will ever speak again?

TendonQueen · 09/08/2015 10:38

How does taking turns work? Do you then go to each of theirs for the next two years, so then you'll never get the chance to have beef? Or do you ever have Christmas just by yourselves? If the latter I would do beef and salmon then. If the former, I'd tell them you're having a change this year but you'll understand then if they don't want to come and they can come the year after instead.

SchwarzwalderKirschtorte · 09/08/2015 10:38

I would be tempted to get a Bernard Matthews Turkey roast for them and serve rib of beef for me and DH...

nancy75 · 09/08/2015 10:39

It's just dinner, cook a turkey and beef. Is it really worth all falling out over a flaming Turkey?
Tbh beef and salmon sounds like a weird combo anyway, if you do beef & Turkey most people will probably have a bit of both