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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Christmas dinner?

297 replies

Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:27

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
yomellamoHelly · 09/08/2015 12:42

You could be all PA about it and cook the turkey the day before to serve cold on the day. Then do your lovely salmon and beef meal on Christmas Day complete with yorkshire puddings, horseradish etc that go with your meal and offer the cold turkey for those the fussy crowd. If you're feeling very generous get a jar of cranberry sauce to go with.

swimmerforlife · 09/08/2015 12:42

YANBU. PIL can either like it or lump it, as you have done for how many years you have been married to your DH. Having beef one year, instead of turkey isn't going to kill them.

I am not a big fan of turkey, having it xmas seems wrong to me as I grew up in NZ, we put on the BBQ and have salad (to hot for a roast). In fact I remember one xmas as a teen my whole plate was salad.

Tbh if I have xmas dinner with in laws I either have a small portion of turkey or nothing at all and just pile up my plate with veggies Grin

findingmyfeet12 · 09/08/2015 12:47

I wouldn't be offended or think it rude for my family to put in requests (or even demands). I guess it depends on your family dynamic. We feel close enough to ask for particular dishes to be prepared and my sisters and I are usually pleased that the rest of the family feels able to ask.

Maybe it's because I live abroad and I'm a terrible cook but in readiness for mine and dh's next visit to England my parents and sisters have already called me to ask what we'd like to eat.

I wouldn't expect people to go without Turkey on Christmas Day. Whether they try the other options would be up to them but for me it's an integral part of Christmas for many people.

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/08/2015 12:48

Stick to your guns and cook beef and salmon; one of the relations can host Christmas eve/Boxing day and cook turkey; that is what we used to do when I was part of a larger family.

nineathena · 09/08/2015 12:51

I come from a country where we easily BBQ on Christmas, so don't get the turkey thing. I really don't like it.
We always do leg of lamb and a pork roast and chicken. Beef and salmon sounds GREAT. I reckon it's your turn so you get to decide.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/08/2015 12:53

Tell you what OP, do the mn 'fuck 'em' approach then. Buy what you want to eat, and tell them they are not 'dictating' what you eat. Tell them that they're 'selfish, petty and spiteful'. Oh and rude, obv.

If you're feeling nice, than buy the cheapest, nastiest bit of turkey meat you can find, cook it badly and sling it across the table with a value cracker in it's arse as you tuck into your choice of meal.

Because being a good guest at someone else's house means that you can do what the fuck you want as the host, as you've 'earned' it.

Ignore what they want. If they mention turkey again, quote from the mn 'fuck off book of fuck off' which wisely tells you to tell people to fuck off if they dare to encroach on what you want to do. Yell 'My House! My Rules!' in their turkey loving faces from now until December.

hstar1995 · 09/08/2015 12:53

Maybe do a turkey crown and a small joint of beef? Win-win, everyone's happy Smile

diddl · 09/08/2015 12:53

I love turkey, but we have had goose for the past few years & it is fabulous!

I don't miss the turkeyShock

nemno · 09/08/2015 12:53

I would always go along with what the majority of my guests want. My own wants just don't seem that important in the face of others who have a strong view on this.

Tizwailor · 09/08/2015 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 12:55

Yes the op il have the whole year to eat turkey but this year they are guests in the op and dh home. Hosting means something different here on mn. In my world it's you cater to your guests. Nobody says you shouldn't have what you want, just make sure those who you want to feel happy and welcomed in your home are catered to as well.

PuppyMonkey · 09/08/2015 12:56

Nope sorry if I'm cooking Christmas dinner I cook what suits me - occasionally done turkey but more often beef or lamb. My guests have the choice not to come if that doesn't suit.

manchestermummy · 09/08/2015 12:58

See this is why I get cross about Christmas.

So the ILs want turkey. What about your family traditions? How can a particular bird be an "integral part of Christmas"? It's absolute madness.

You're hosting. You decide the menu. They don't have to come.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/08/2015 12:58

Given that these people are your guests and your family, why would you not want them to have an enjoyable Christmas? Turkey is important to many people at Christmas.

Out of interest, would the people who are asking the op to stick to her guns do the same if their dc were asking for turkey or another Christmas tradition?

I know these people aren't children but they are your family. The attitudes here are pretty astonishing at times.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/08/2015 12:59

Ok, so now someone is trying to argue that turkey is not an integral part of Christmas for many people...

swimmerforlife · 09/08/2015 12:59

Exactly Manchestermummy if the PIL are desperate for turkey that much (god knows why) they can bloody well cook it them self at home.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 13:00

When presented with a very pleasant and relatively festive mealplan, bearing in mind that a turkey Christmas dinner is a pretty modern concept, it is petty and rude to spit your dummy out about it when you're a guest Manhattan. I'm not saying that the guests shouldn't feel welcome, I'm saying they should behave like adults and try something new.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 13:02

findingmyfeet my children live with me and I value their opinions greatly. I'd still say no if, for once, I decided to try something new at Christmas. If I didn't they'd grow into fucking dull adults who can't cope with new food choices Wink :o

findingmyfeet12 · 09/08/2015 13:04

Dull adults because they enjoy the tradition and routine of a turkey dinner at Christmas?

Why would this result in them not coping with new food choices?

BeaufortBelle · 09/08/2015 13:05

Succulent turkey, well cooked
Pork and sage stuffing/chestnut too if you like
bread sauce, infused with a clove studded onion
pigs in blankets
Madeira gravy with the giblet stock
Sprouts
Crispiest of crispy spuds and parsnips
Chantenay carrots in the oven (with a knob of butter)
Runner beans - last summer picking frozen for Christmas
Cranberry sauce

All of that wafting through the house.

Sorry OP, but what's not to like about tradition and deliciousness?

They are your family, you only have to do this once every three years. You can have barbecue salmon and roast beef at other gatherings as often as you like on any of the other 364 days in the year.

swimmerforlife · 09/08/2015 13:06

Finding turkey isn't an integral part of christmas dinner for me and in fact in many cultures it isn't. It's really only in the common wealth countries and USA.

Until I moved to the UK, I really did not realise the obsession with turkey for chrimbo dinner. We had various pieces of different meat growing up.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/08/2015 13:07

Maybe the op can clarify where her family is from and exactly why they feel they should have turkey?

redfairy · 09/08/2015 13:08

I wouldn't come if I couldn't have turkey for my Christmas dinner. Turkey and sprouts make it a Christmas dinner and not a roast dinner. YABVU Smile

WorktoLive · 09/08/2015 13:10

This is like the BBQ thread a few weeks ago

SchwarzwalderKirschtorte · 09/08/2015 13:11

Think I'm going to repeat last years Christmas Dinner. Egg, chips and bread and butter with oodles of champagne.

Minimal cooking, we all loved it, no slaving over a hot stove for hours and no leftovers. It meant we could all spend time together sitting down relaxing with our presents. :)