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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Christmas dinner?

297 replies

Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:27

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
pictish · 09/08/2015 11:37

mintjulip same here actually - I'm not a picky or demanding guest, just an appreciative one...but if I was hosting Christmas and the guests said they wanted a turkey I'd see my way to providing one all the same. Then I'd have the delicious beef myself.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 09/08/2015 11:41

It's a tradition nowadays to have turkey and sprouts on Christmas Day whether everyone likes them or not! We have turkey crown on Christmas Day and then beef on Boxing Day.

Wolpertinger · 09/08/2015 11:45

I think honestly your mistake was telling them this in August!

There is a middle way between 'host has no say, guests must be catered for otherwise you are inhospitable' and 'my house, my rules'.

It's also more difficult if they don't know you hate turkey. If they knew you hate turkey but had never asked for an alternative meal as you were a considerate guest, then you would be in a much stronger position to do something different, as they would then look inconsiderate compared to your polite example.

However you have several months to mention repeatedly how much you hate it and that you will prob do a small one with something else you enjoy much more. I would make sure the alternative was much much better but then I am evil

If it helps, the year my mum announced we weren't having turkey there was nearly a riot. However after we had the alternative dinner, we never wanted the turkey back Grin

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 09/08/2015 11:45

Those saying the Op will never get her beef, she won't have to wait for the next Christmas to have beef surely, they can have a beef roast another day - maybe New Years Day.

BlueMoonRising · 09/08/2015 11:46

Auntymag - why do you think turkey crown would be a 'revenge meal'??

BlueMoonRising · 09/08/2015 11:47

Allpizzas, the ops family don't have to wait until the following Christmas to have turkey either..

bringthenoise · 09/08/2015 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lightbulbon · 09/08/2015 11:52

OP goose is easier than turkey- it's fattier so doesn't dry out like turkey.

In my experience people who say they aren't fussed for/don't like Turkey have never had it cooked properly.

It's a fine art cooking a whole turkey so that it's cooked through but doesn't have dry breasts.

Turkey crowns are minging- don't go there!

Salmon can be a starter before turkey. But BBQ anything in December is just weird.

Do a turkey and a small joint of beef for the main. It's not like the leftovers are hard to use up!

Brine the bird overnight and put as much butter under the skin as humanly possible.

You might become a turkey convert!

Wolpertinger · 09/08/2015 11:56

Goose is very very easy to do although expensive and not a lot of meat on it (great if you get fed up with leftovers). It's hard to get wrong as fat pours off it so it's lovely and moist.

I got left with one age 14 when my mum was working on Christmas day and I'd barely cooked before - so if I can do it, so can you!

They also can't claim goose isnt traditional Wink

YouTheCat · 09/08/2015 11:57

Get a very cheap turkey crown now and bung it in the freezer.

then forget to defrost it and have beef Grin

We always have beef at Christmas because I like it and I cook it.

SideOrderofChips · 09/08/2015 11:57

turkey crown isnt a revenge dinner, we had one last year and it was lovely with minimal waste!

I'm going to my sil for Christmas Day this year, mainly because DH is on nights and i will have my two DD's and a newborn so she has invited us over. i know what meat she is cooking. its a 3 bird roast. Its not something i've ever had before but i wont be complaining about how i want XYZ. I'm just grateful to be honest that she has invited us to spend Christmas with her and her family.

rookiemere · 09/08/2015 12:03

I must be odd then as I love turkey with all the trimmings.

I would be seriously disappointed if I arrived on Christmas day and was served something different including goose which I don't like, or a Bernard Matthews turkey joint because I'm apparently unsophisticatedHmm. For what it's worth I love salmon, beef not so much as I like it rare and it's unusual for it to be cooked that way.

I am polite, so I wouldn't say anything, but I'd be unkeen to come back another Christmas day - maybe that's your aim though. It would be useful to know in advance that it wasn't going to be served as what I'd then do is buy all the food so we could have Christmas dinner on a different day. Or if required I'd be ok to bring a turkey with me, but inside I'd be thinking that in that case it would be easier to stay at home.

I do get that some people don't like turkey, but if the majority of your guests do enjoy a traditional dinner it just seems a bit ornery to serve up salmon or beef which can be enjoyed at any time.

daisydukes229 · 09/08/2015 12:04

Turkey crown isn't a revenge meal, we have crown every year!

Op shouldn't have to cook a full Turkey. There's nothing wrong with crown and beef

derxa · 09/08/2015 12:05

You honestly discussed your Christmas lunch in August!?
In our house it will be me, DH, 2DSs. Same menu every year except for some exceptions (which will never be mentioned again). Christmas day is about traditions and familiarity and family. Don't host the meal if you don't want to do it I bet you cook a whole turkey and you will have a lovely day.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 09/08/2015 12:08

The last time we went to my Dads for xmas dinner we had beef, it was lovely but very weird and didn't feel like xmas (because I was young, late twenties, and we'd only ever had turkey)

However, I knew beforehand that was what he was cooking and I certainly wouldn't have moaned about it.

Nowadays Dad has a quiet xmas with his girlfriend and they have salmon most years. We have a turkey crown or a chicken (DH and DD aren't big meat eaters), but maybe I'll do beef this year. Smile

Totality22 · 09/08/2015 12:10

We go to my folks every year and if Mum decided not to do turkey then I'd simply offer to cook one and take it with me.

I'd certainly not make any demands of her BUT similarly I'd want / expect turkey on the day... So I'd make it happen!

I don't see how between 4 adults [MIL, FIL and both SIL] no-one had the sense to offer to do this? unless they have to fly / drive a long way or are coming a week before Xmas

Jux · 09/08/2015 12:20

Haven't had turkey for years. As a child we would have grouse, pheasant, partridge - whatever my uncle had shot and sent us. Lovely.

I can't do game any more as dh doesn't like it, but we do anything BUT turkey as we don't like it. I have been known to do chicken at Xmas if we're a bit strapped for cash and I haven't managed to save enough!

Do what you want.

MrsHathaway · 09/08/2015 12:25

I don't cook turkey. Nope. Never had it growing up, not remotely interested. Sometimes duck, or lamb which was DM's favourite, and last year we had pulled pork.

When PIL were coming to us for Christmas Day there was a bit of "WOT NO TURKEY?!" but halfway through his plate of goose FIL quietly turned to MIL and said "we could have this one year" he changed his mind when he heard how much it cost. Similar kerfuffle about trifle v Christmas pudding too which DF solved by insisting on having both in the same bowl and pretending to be aggrieved about having to choose.

It's a real shame that OP never gets what she wants, but since she's in a minority of one I think the turkey crown plus small beef option is the best compromise.

I also don't think it's unreasonable to talk about Christmas arrangements in August if there's travel and accommodation to arrange.

UrethraFranklin1 · 09/08/2015 12:27

Plus OP has MONTHS until Xmas to eat all the beef and salmon she likes. She's not some poor orphan on gruel who gets one nice meal a year!

Hellionandfriends · 09/08/2015 12:28

Yes cook the salmon and beef. They get to choose what to cook when Xmas is at theirs

Philoslothy · 09/08/2015 12:31

I would cook the turkey and the beef. Have salmon Christmas Eve which is more traditional anyway. Are you entertaining on Boxing Day - we always have beef and ham on Boxing Day.

I hated Turkey until I started cooking it properly.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 12:32

Turkey is an everyday meat, we cook it regularly all year. It's not special and it's not necessary. Have the Christmas dinner you want. If your family spit their dummies I assume they're capable of cooking their own meal at home?

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/08/2015 12:34

Urethra the family have months to eat all the turkey they like too. They're not poor orphans either who only get one nice meal per year. They're being petty and spitefu, trying to dictate a menu as a guest is fucking rude.

mrsdavidbowie · 09/08/2015 12:38

Traditional Christmas dinner is so dull. It's just a Sunday roast tarted up. A lot of faff for one day.
I never do one.

WorktoLive · 09/08/2015 12:40

You could say the same for the ILs Urethra. They can have turkey whenever they like. The frozen ones will appear in the shops soon or they could wait until mid December when the fresh ones go on sale.

The main reason that a lot of people have turkey is that they feel obliged to or 'it's tradition' not that they like it.

The OP's Christmas plans sound lovely, far preferable to turkey.

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