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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about Christmas dinner?

297 replies

Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 10:27

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

OP posts:
Inertia · 09/08/2015 11:10

Can't you have the salmon for starters as planned, and do both the turkey and the beef but just buy a smaller turkey? Guests can then do either or a bit of both.

Baddz · 09/08/2015 11:10

I'm not crazy about Turkey, but I got a co op Turkey crown last year and it was lovely.

MrsJorahMormont · 09/08/2015 11:11

Yeah do a turkey crown and then a small joint of beef for you and DH.

Baddz · 09/08/2015 11:11

urethra....exactly!

contractor6 · 09/08/2015 11:12

Are you my sil?? Do the salmon and beef, I'll do a roast turkey dinner either Christmas eve or boxing day. Wink

Debs75 · 09/08/2015 11:12

Scary we eat turkey twice a week at least.
I would love a Christmas like yours, salmon and beef are my favourite meats. I've done turkey every year simply because it's what everyone does. we all like it, apart from dd1 who prefers chicken.
do what you want and tell them that for you this is your Christmas meal, they will eat it and probably love it

Original poster
Scarydinosaurs · 09/08/2015 11:13

Haha maybe, contractor! Are you an expat in a hot country??

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/08/2015 11:14

So those who think the OP should cook the turkey, do you think people are likely to accommodate her preferred food next year

That wouldn't be an issue for me. I would just do what I think its right, without worrying that someone might not the same in a year's time!

Doing salmon starter, then beef and turkey is a good idea - I know three families who do this to cover all the likes and dislikes.

Would that solve it, OP?

AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 11:18

FirstWeTake I'm the same. I really wouldn't care for the tit for tat stress of all this politics over a meal.

ApocalypseThen · 09/08/2015 11:18

Why do people offer to host and then point blank refuse to cook stuff the guests like?

Indeed, very odd. Odder still to suggest horrible alternatives like turkey twizzlers just to be spiteful at Christmas. Wouldn't it be easier and pleasanter to just not have people around for Christmas rather than planning to invite people over and get revenge on them for having a preference by cooking something horrible?

Janethegirl · 09/08/2015 11:19

5 bird roast from Aldi and a nice joint of beef, job done.

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 11:20

but it's a special shared, family meal

not soooo shared and special from her in laws side though, seems the whole day rests not on the spirit of xmas but on a turkey Confused,

UrethraFranklin1 · 09/08/2015 11:20

So those who think the OP should cook the turkey, do you think people are likely to accommodate her preferred food next year

It would be nice if they did, but its not the point for 2 reasons.

  1. It seems that everyone else wants turkey and she's the only one who wants different, and majority rules isn't unreasonable for a gathering, and
  2. you don't give to get. You be a good host and a nice person whether or not you have the expectation of getting the same in return. It's called not being a dick.
MintJulip · 09/08/2015 11:21

Why do people offer to host and then point blank refuse to cook stuff the guests like?

Where has it been said they don't like the other meats and fish, they do.

They just dont want it on xmas day.

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 11:23

2) you don't give to get. You be a good host and a nice person whether or not you have the expectation of getting the same in return. It's called not being a dick

Really unfair Op has graciously eaten turkey for however long on xmas day, its not her who isn't showing grace.

If you dont host to get then why knowingly feed someone turkey when they dont want it and then again demand it in their own house. Not great hosting.

Wolpertinger · 09/08/2015 11:23

Treat yourself to the nicest beef joint you can find. Get the cheapest turkey crown you can find and burn it. Then refuse to serve them any of your lovely beef as they didn't want it.

AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 11:24

Turkey twizzlers and turkey crown as revenge meals sounds spiteful.

Baddz · 09/08/2015 11:25

Not really the spirit of xmas is it? :)
God, such angst.
Over meat.
And it's only August!

AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 11:25

Wolper what a disgusting, spiteful thing to suggest.

Baddz · 09/08/2015 11:28

Oh..Hang on...they are expats?
Ah. I think I can see their point. They probably want a "traditional English Xmas" and to them that's Turkey.
It's one day.

Would it hurt you to cook a bit of flipping Turkey?

MintJulip · 09/08/2015 11:28

Agree Baddz, I would love someone to offer to host me and mine at xmas, and we would never ever be so rude as to demand something specific.

Even it was curry or the like I would be so grateful and happy some one else would be carrying the host load for one year.

I would not even bother to find out what the food was before hand. I would simply accept and be grateful some one else went to the trouble of organising it all.

UrethraFranklin1 · 09/08/2015 11:30

You don't get it, Mint Julip. You don't (or shouldn't) decide your own behavior based on what others do. You be who you are and you act in a way that supports that. It's childish and weird to be all" They don't give me what I want so I'll get back at them".

Plus if, as you say, she graciously eats the turkey, how can you can say they know she hates it and spitefully give it to her anyway? Doesn't make sense.

These are really odd attitudes and anyone displaying them really shouldn't be hosting anything. Ready meal for one at christmas perhaps?

It's christmas dinner ffs. You eat turkey with your family, its tradition. Get over yourself or just don't bother with it.

Baddz · 09/08/2015 11:32

Mint...you are very fortunate that you nor your family suffer from allergies or intolerances then, aren't you?

Hmm
AuntyMag10 · 09/08/2015 11:33

Mint it's the op and her dh 'turn' which means their il will do it next year. No need to be falling down at op feet all grateful for 'carrying the load' Confused what an odd attitude.
So selfish and unwelcoming to guests to not make them happy. The op can accommodate the salmon and turkey and drop the beef, seems like she just doesn't like turkey so no one else should have it. What's the point of hosting then.

Baddz · 09/08/2015 11:36

Op...have you ever mentioned to your ils that you don't like turkey?