AIBU about Christmas dinner?

[Scarydinosaurs]

Sorry, it's still Summer but I'm being forced into thinking about this following a discussion last week at a family birthday.

It's our turn to do Christmas on Christmas Day. I would like to do Salmon and beef for the main meat. I don't like turkey. I eat it, but out of politeness, I would never buy it and eat it myself.

When I said that I planned to do something other than turkey, I've been told that we can't. It's got to be turkey. By MIL, both SILs and FIL. And DH (obviously!) doesn't want to upset his whole family, so has said our lovely plan to do a huge fillet of beef and a BBQ whole salmon has to be scrapped.

I obviously want to be a good host and give my guests food they like, but they all eat beef and salmon, they just don't want it for Christmas lunch. AIBU to say, I think they're rude for dictating to me what to cook them for Christmas lunch?

[Scarydinosaurs]

beau like I've said twice already, I've not said once that I'm not going to do Turkey and the trimmings. Like I said in my OP, I want to be a good host.

I'll say it again: I'm cooking the bloody turkey

I can still feel put out that they won't try something different, as I would be cooking a meal that is actually the favourite dish of most of the guests- there are just a few that don't want anything other than Turkey.

[Blexie]

Don't know if this helps but British "tradition" is only recently for turkey. Its an American import.
Goose was the Victorian tradition, pork and duck were fashionable with the Georgians, beef with the Stuarts and Elizabethans. Before that things like peacock, swan and Xmas spiced meat pies.
Try agreeing to go traditional and threatening the in laws with roast peacock!!!!

[2rebecca]

I think Christmas dinner isn't just a family meal it is a tradition and part of that tradition for many people is what you eat. You can eat salmon and beef on Boxing Day.

[Hellionandfriends]

OP cook the beef and salmon. Your the cook, so you choose. Secondly, you have always been the one to compromise in previous years and as a result are always stuck with Turkey. They are having turkey Boxing Day anyway.

[Icimoi]

I don't see why you say they won't try anything different. I suspect that they've all eaten salmon and beef countless times. It won't make them taste any different just because it's Christmas Day.

[Hellionandfriends]

We have something different each year. My mil tends yo do curry or turkey. My mum does turkey and beef and occasionally nut roast. We never do turkey as it's too dry but have tried duck, goose and ham in recent years. We don't do plum pudding either, instead we make treacle toffee pudding or some other hot pud.

The tradition lies in the order of the day - which happens to be different depending on which house we are at. So at MIL's gifts are opened first thing and at mums gifts are opened at 5pm. At mine we open them
lunch time.

[ComfySensibleShoes]

YABU, I think you should cook turkey for your guests, as to them turkey = Christmas!

For them not having turkey would be like saying 'in this house we don't bother with pulling christmas crakers, instead we all count to three and shout 'Pop!' at the same time'

or

'in this house we don't believe in having a christmas tree, we have a small bowl displaying bracken and ferns instead'

or

'in this house we don't bother with christmas carols, we like to listen to a bit of punk on Christmas morning'

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Comfy - the OP has said several times that she is cooking turkey.

She was simply asking the question, is it rather rude for people to dictate what they eat at someone else's house, when they have been invited.

So she's not being in the least little bit unreasonable.

[MaxPepsi]

Hmm, I generally go to my mums on Xmas day.

She loves to host and after not doing it herself for the last few years her 4 children were of the mistaken belief that now she's in her 70's she'd like a break, but oh no, not mum she declared in January that she was having Xmas day at hers.

I declared in February that it had better be beef. My brother then declared that he had better get his favourite dessert and then her grandson said he'd better get his favourite starter.

So yes, some people do dictate I suppose - but we do it quite tongue in cheek. Plus we all chip in with something or other.

And missing the point of the thread entirely. Turkey IS NOT the traditional meat for Xmas day. Goose is!!

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Why not just do the turkey and then ONE of the other meat options?

It's true that you are the host, but a host is meant to cater to their guests. Not stamp their foot and refuse to cook something that EVERYONE else wants, just because it isn't personally their cup of tea.

There is something just a bit twatty about "refusing" to do a turkey for christmas. It's like inviting people over for shrove tuesday and insisting on serving meringue instead of pancakes because "you like them better".

[CrystalMcPistol]

She's already said she'll cook the feckin' turkey!

[CrystalMcPistol]

twatty indeed.

[CrystalMcPistol]

Scarydinosaurs Mon 10-Aug-15 07:31:17
beau like I've said twice already, I've not said once that I'm not going to do Turkey and the trimmings. Like I said in my OP, I want to be a good host.

I'll say it again: I'm cooking the bloody turkey

[Panzee]

I really want a turkey roast dinner now.

[SanityClause]

Someone I used to work with had a family tradition of all moaning about how dry the Turkey was.

The mother would then say that she wouldn't cook Turkey next year, because no one really liked it.

They would then all protest, and say that it wouldn't be right not to have turkey!

I hate Turkey, and we always have guinea fowl for Christmas. We have tried various other things, but that works for our family. Under the big pile of trimmings, no one really eats much of the roast, anyway, except for as leftovers.

I think your guests are rude to complain, OP.

In fact, although there are cultural differences, all over the world, I don't know of any culture where it is deemed acceptable for a guest to complain about the food served.

If I were you, I would serve a decent turkey crown along side your lovely beef (and after your lovely salmon starter) and then wrap it up for the turkey eaters to take home with them, explaining that you don't really like it.

Then, when it's their turn to host, they can ensure that they return the favour of ensuring their guests preferences are catered for.

[GoodbyeToAllOfThat]

Turkey is delicious if it's cooked properly.

That said, I always cook a beef tenderloin with red wine and shallot gravy at some point during the holiday, and it's infinitely more "spectacular" than turkey. If you pull off something amazing, perhaps you'll upset the incumbent dinner tradition. I would consider this a challenge.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

GoodnessGracious - who 'refused' to cook turkey? OP didn't, as has been said on numerous occasions.

DP and I have been together for 30 yrs, he has two siblings living in the near vicinity, so they are all in their 50s. Every year, In-laws say "Whose turn is it to have us this year?" So they are inviting themselves, and in all these years, never once have any of us been invited to their home for Christmas lunch. Now they are in their 80s, that is fine, but 30 years ago, they were the same age then as we are now, and in perfect health, so I have never understood why they have never 'taken a turn'.

I do cook a turkey crown when they come, but every year I also do goose and a ham, as DC and I do not like turkey. Every single year they come, they say "Ooh, that goose was delicious. We've never had goose before". YES YOU HAVE, I DO IT EVERY YEAR, AND EVERY YEAR YOU SAY OOH, THAT GOOSE WAS DELICIOUS, WE'VE NEVER HAD GOOSE BEFORE"

sigh

[grapejuicerocks]

I've had 50 years of Turkey at Xmas. It is all sorts of wrong to not have it for the next 50. Just as it would be wrong if we didn't leave out a mince pie and whiskey for Santa. The kids are far too old to do that anymore, but he still gets it every year because it is tradition. The kids insist, just like they still leave out their sack for him too. Everyone would moan if anyone tried to deviate from the customs we have built up. I threw a strop one year when I didn't get a pair of knickers from my mum. The fact I was 36 at the time, is unimportant. I always got a pair. I've had one every year since... Ditto selection boxes.

Traditions are what distinguishes Christmas Day from any other normal day. They cannot be messed with.

Anyone who says differently are Christmas stealers.

[mrsdavidbowie]

I like a casserole.
Bung in oven Go to friends and drink lots of champagne. Stagger home and stick some veg.
Eat at 4.
Profiteroles at 8.

[Fissues]

grapejuicerocks but surely OP is just trying to establish traditions of her own for her own family, much like you have traditions in yours?

[MaxPepsi]

Traditions are what distinguishes Christmas Day from any other normal day. They cannot be messed with.

Anyone who says differently are Christmas stealers.

But someone's tradition was messed with to give you your tradition of Turkey, so by your own argument, you stole Christmas!

[OOAOML]

Is nobody else feeling faint at the thought of always having to have a big family gathering at Christmas? Just me?

[mrsdavidbowie]

Ooaoml I don't do big gatherings..only me and kids this year.
We have a great time because we do what we want. No going to places we don't want to or spending time with people we don't like" because they're family"
No ridiculous expense or panic.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

"Every year you say, ooh, that goose was delicious, we've never had goose before"
That made me smile Evans
Of course goose is much more traditional really