'The only way we've sorted a sleep prob in this house is controlled crying' - fuck off!!

[Smataya]

I text friend who has two under two how hard it's been of late with Ds 11 months just not sleeping. I've explained before he is just not a sleeper and likes to be close at night, wakes a lot for milk and that I'm doing attachment parenting. She knows how against cc I am and I will not ever leave my child to cry. Ds has not slept for longer than an hour since he was 5 months which is starting to take its toll, but as I say, he's just not a sleeper and it's tough.

Why the f is she doing this pa bull shit about cc over text?? She's been like eerr have you tried sleep training to me before and I just don't want to hear it. Her two sleep through and I just find it smug- she's got lucky and now claiming its all down to cc. Am I justified in texting back to say ftfo to the far side of fuck?!?!

Why would you be so aggressive to someone who's doing it their way? You sound like one of those AP nightmares to me - you know, the ones who give it a bad name.

Difficult. I'm someone who, if presented with a problem, will try to solve it. You presented her with a problem, she responded with a solution to the problem.

IMO if that's how you feel about cc then your only option is to suck it up until your DC ever sleeps.

Err wow

What do you want her to do though? Surely she is just relaying her experience to you. You do sound particularly aggressive and judgemental about her way!

CC works for some, doesn't work for others. A very gentle version worked for us, but I'm not going to tell you to fuck off because you don't want to try it- who cares?!

I think you just sound really tired getting so annoyed about this.

Sorry confused x post- i just cannot believe the only way is cc.

What response were you expecting? If I was your friend I would have interpreted your text as 'help what can I do?'. Cc would be her expected response.

Presumably the reason "She knows how against cc I am" is that you've banged on at her about it?

Cc is not the only way.
Neither is your response to her text - there are other ways of responding ie 'I'm not up for that thanks but do you have any other ideas to help me?'

She's telling you what worked for her. As she's not a sleep expert, she has only her own experience to go on.

Your response is totally out of proportion

Well you are choosing your method and she has chosen hers.
And who seems in a happier place because of it??

But how do you know she got lucky? Maybe it is down to CC. You have no way of knowing that it isn't.

I know how hard having a poor sleeper is OP. Try not to get stressed about her text and do what is right for you and your family

I agree maybe you came across a bit aggressive in your OP but I don't think YABU for being annoyed about her texts.
CC is so ingrained in all our parenting now, along with time outs etc, that people rarely question or seek to find alternatives, despite a wealth of other options. Babies are not meant to sleep through the night. One of my friends is so smug, telling me a few weeks ago he slept for SEVENTEEN hours. Each to their own, if she mentions it again maybe just politely say 'I'm doing AP at the moment, he's not sleeping lots but seems very happy' and then change the subject. Good luck!

You are over-reacting. It sounds like to me you were asking for help and her reply reads as ' CC is the only thing that worked for me, but I don't know what to suggest if you don't want to do that'. Can you speak to your HV? I can sympathise with the being tired and fed-up.

What a cunt. Telling you what worked for her when you texted about sleeping issues.

Of course she should fuck off with her smugly sleeping children...

Thanks now. I just want him to be secure and happy and a bit of sleep deprivation seems a small price to pay.

If that's how she did it I'm not sure what other response she can give you.
When you aren't getting any sleep then surely you try different things.
Sleep is mega important for many many reasons. Not just for you but for baby as well.
I got mine sleeping through at 3 months through the cry-it-out method.
No choice - had to go back to work and had to sleep. Doesn't make it wrong you know. 2 nights of hell but after that - easy peasy.

She's 17 now and it's had no lasting affect on her.

Absolutely crazy to have an 11 month old who only sleeps an hour at a time imo.

I bet your friend doesn't want to hear you complaining about lack of sleep when you won't do anything about it.

Way OTT reaction but understandable in a way because you must be exhausted. Maybe you should try a gentle method of CC? We used the 'nasty, AP anti-version' because we were unable to function any longer. Horses for courses and all that jazz.

I agree withFarFrom. Your reaction does make you look like one of those militant AP-ers that give the technique a bad rep.
Do not teply at all to your friend if you can't at least be civil. Don't text her again for advice if you don't like what she has to say.

CC is not for me and not one of mine was left to cry. But hey, we all parent differently and the choice is ours. We'd all be a lot better off if we stopped criticising others choices. You're tired and not really being reasonable. It appears to have worked for your friend, then fair enough. Get on line and start googling alternatives.
Hope it sorts for you soon.

You have to make a choice though - if AP is your thing and you're totally opposed to doing anything constructive about poor sleep habits then you just have to suck up the broken nights. If you complain then many people will understandably pass on their own experience esp if they had a bad sleeper who was helped by sleep training.

If you and your friend have very different parenting approaches then avoiding the subject of parenting is wise if you don't want to disagree.

Clearly your way is not working Op. Your ds needs sleep too. You cannot function properly the way things are. Instead of being so stubborn why don't you listen to other people?
I don't agree with 'just not a sleeper' there's a difference between babies who don't need long naps and ones who wake hourly during the night. That IS a problem.
If you weren't so tetchy from being sleep deprived maybe you wouldn't be so aggressive towards your poor friend.

Fuck me, I'd also tell you you were a crazy person to live a life where your way meant your child slept for no longer than an hour.

What exactly did you expect from her?

Sounds to me like your friend is trying to help you. You must be knackered if your DC hasn't slept for more than an hour in the last 6 months. If you don't want her help just say so in a pleasant manner, you don't have to tell her to fuck off.