'The only way we've sorted a sleep prob in this house is controlled crying' - fuck off!!

[Smataya]

I text friend who has two under two how hard it's been of late with Ds 11 months just not sleeping. I've explained before he is just not a sleeper and likes to be close at night, wakes a lot for milk and that I'm doing attachment parenting. She knows how against cc I am and I will not ever leave my child to cry. Ds has not slept for longer than an hour since he was 5 months which is starting to take its toll, but as I say, he's just not a sleeper and it's tough.

Why the f is she doing this pa bull shit about cc over text?? She's been like eerr have you tried sleep training to me before and I just don't want to hear it. Her two sleep through and I just find it smug- she's got lucky and now claiming its all down to cc. Am I justified in texting back to say ftfo to the far side of fuck?!?!

I don't want to derail this by getting into comparisons to abuse- actually I'm sorry I wrote that. I don't know what I think. Sorry for any offence, really

Op and I mean this nicely. Yes you are sleep deprived we get that but to tell people like me who did cc that it's child abuse is a very silly and childish response.

If I was your friend I would be advising you what saved my sanity and made me and my babies much happier and that was cc.

Being a parent isn't about buying the books it subscribing to a parenting style or myth it's about working out what works for you.

And if AP was working for you why are you posting. It isn't so it's sensibly to look around for other ideas.

Many here are trying OP you just aren't prepared to listen or take any advice on board. It really is that simple!

Why bother asking if yabu if you then get angry being told you're in the wrong?? You are completely wrong on both counts.. Your friend and everyone on here was trying to help and you are INCREDIBLY selfish sticking to a technique that YOU want despite it evidently not working for you baby. People like you infuriate me, your poor baby.

Well hat ever you're trying op, clearly ain't working, so maybe it's time to be a little more open minded to other suggestions....

*wasn't being smug not was....

Whatever. Oops.

Op I felt/feel sorry for your sleep deprivation but your last post is aggressive, ignorant (comparing cc to severe neglect, really?) and blinkered.

Off topic, who over the age of 5 says 'so there'?

I've had 4 dc's, my first was a nightmare sleeper and I vowed I would put any subsequent dc's into bed after feeding to self soothe. It worked with brilliantly. Even my twins were sleeping through from 8 weeks. None of the screamed the house down either.
It's your choice how you parent, as pp have said there will be forums you can go on. Sadly it sounds that neither you or your baby are happy at the moment.

It isn't an either or situation, AP or CC. Parenting for me is about mixing and matching different techniques or ideas and adapting to individual children as they grow. I have twins and an older child. The older child when little used to wake a lot as he was used to being cuddled to sleep and couldn't self settle. We did a CC lite version and it worked. With the twins I needed them to sleep well, I didn't cuddle them to sleep, couldn't anyway with two and they both learnt to settle from an early age and slept well. They still woke for milk but I managed 2/3 hours sleep at a time which got longer as they got older.

Maybe your friend with 2 under 2 has a lot on her plate and has to manage her time and strength as well as she can and can't take a more AP approach. She may find your attitude about AP a bit smug as a result.

I don't have kids so have no advice, but just had to say how shocked I am that anyone would compare the nspcc ad to cc - unbelievable!

If you think cc is the same as the child abuse portrayed in the advert I don't think you even know what cc is.

To be fair to the OP, when you are sleep deprived, with a baby that doesn't sleep, it's very hard to think straight and everyone seems smug. Even the ones that are commiserating. Especially people who have been there and come out the other side. Everyone is smug smug smug because they have children that are sleeping and you would gnaw your arm off for 2 or 3 hours in a row.

If you are sensible you rant internally and then feel embarrassed about it once you get through the fog yourself.

"I genuinely thought more people would be supportive"

But you didn't ask for support with finding ways of getting your baby to sleep through, or with supporting your AP choice. You wanted people to pile in with your abuse of your friend, who offered advice you felt you hadn't asked for.

Fwiw op, I am also against cc and have always said I'd never do it. However I'm smug lucky enough to have a baby who taught himself to self settle. Who knows what I would have done in your situation.

Just saw your

Hope you work it out soon op

Wow, OP, you're getting a lot of aggression on here, from what us clearly a post written in frustration. I can understand where you're coming from. My two were bad sleepers, & I didn't want to do cc. My best mate - who did cc, and whose kids slept - frustrated me occasionally by suggesting it. When I was knackered, emotional, and deep down worried that maybe my choices weren't working, I found it hard to listen to. BUT I knew she was coming from a place of trying to help, even if it felt like criticism because of where I was at. So I kept my mouth closed, and we're still good mates.

Of course there are alternatives to cc - but at 11months, actually you & your baby probably do need some help to just get that sleep going for longer periods. You must both be exhausted. Have you tried Elizabth Pantleys No Cry Sleep Solution? I found it hugely helpful, both in making me feel better about how we were doing, and in terms of ideas to try that weren't cc. I really recommend you have a look and see if there's anything there that will help you. And don't text your mate. She's seeing you struggle & trying to help - that's what mates do. When her dc is struggling with eating issues next year and yours is a great eater, you'll see how easily you share 'what worked for me...' And maybe next time text a friend who has a similar parenting ethic when you are struggling, as it'll just minimise the frustration...

smataya you are being tortured by lack of sleep and I guess most of us on here totally remember that or are in it now. Good on you for your last post and whatever I swear it gets better.

My youngest is 15 now and sleeping sweetly. I however was up 3 times in the night with the puppy!

gah, your obviously one of those types who read a book and decided exactly how you wanted to parent before you were a parent.

Your friend was not being smug, she was offering an alternative.

You don't want to bend your parenting in light of your child's or your needs, that's your call love, but I'm bowing out now before I start swearing.

Ahhh, long post so x post with lots of posts.

maybe you could look at your child and see what would actually work better for you both. Neither AP or CC would have suited us, but we eventually worked out a method that did. This shouldn't be about what other people do, but about your family's health.

Tbf you asked she said what worked for her you and your baby are sleep deprived she was trying to help your baby isnt sleeping you need to calm down and stop ranting about your friend who let her kids cry to sleep in a controlled way Ap isnt the only way you know

Your way sound very tough for everyone.
You should get some help finding a better way.

YABU to think her Way is neglect.
I'm not a fan of cc however her outcome is preferable to yours. So if I had to choose who's life I wanted to live it would be hers. You sound missersble.

I did AP and what happened was that my DC gradually over the course of a couple of years became less reliant on me and more independent.

My DC didn't wake every hour even as tiny babies so Im not sure why you think an 11 month old waking every hour is the "natural way".
Something is seriously off here to have an 11 month old waking to feed every hour- its not good for your baby or you.
Lack of sleep cause accidents, illness and misery.
Im not condoning leaving a baby to scream for hours on end either, gently encouraging sleep, RR and soothing them with something other than feeding .