'The only way we've sorted a sleep prob in this house is controlled crying' - fuck off!!

[Smataya]

I text friend who has two under two how hard it's been of late with Ds 11 months just not sleeping. I've explained before he is just not a sleeper and likes to be close at night, wakes a lot for milk and that I'm doing attachment parenting. She knows how against cc I am and I will not ever leave my child to cry. Ds has not slept for longer than an hour since he was 5 months which is starting to take its toll, but as I say, he's just not a sleeper and it's tough.

Why the f is she doing this pa bull shit about cc over text?? She's been like eerr have you tried sleep training to me before and I just don't want to hear it. Her two sleep through and I just find it smug- she's got lucky and now claiming its all down to cc. Am I justified in texting back to say ftfo to the far side of fuck?!?!

It's not just you that is sleep deprived though - it's the baby too. Let him learn to self settle and you will all be happier and healthier. And yes, it probably will involve some crying.

Honestly I think if you knew what parenting / sleep choices your friend had made and then you sent her a text complaining about your own DCs sleep, you were asking for this kind of response. What else was she really going to say?

though. It's so tough when then don't sleep. If you are wedded to attachment parenting (and I have to confess that with all 3 of mine I cracked and sleep trained to some extent - not cc, but not without some crying either), then I think you need to accept that your baby is unlikely to sleep through the night soon, and try to enjoy the experience you are having for what it is.

JI never did cc with my 2 dc. I accept that some people do and have been very successful. I also know people who have found that cc only works at home and holidays completely mess up the routine. So I can appreciate your reluctance to try cc.

That said, and in the kindest possible way, you must be exhausted. IME it is unusual for a 11 month old to only ever have slept an hour or so in the past 6 months.

There are other sources of support and help. Would you consider a trip to a cranial osteopath?

Cut out the secure and happy martyr shtickt. It's not true and it's not useful.

You must be on your knees with an 11 month old who has never slept more than a hour.

Some babies don't know how to stay sleeping. You need to help them to do that.

He will pick up on you being frantic and sleep deprived though.

Here here Ninaricci.

You need to stop treating your child like a new born.

If you know she's going to say do controlled crying, then don't complain about sleep deprivation to her!

I've got a friend who's child still won't sleep through at 4, she complains about it to everyone yet gets angry if anyone suggests something. If you can't take the response don't ask the question or complain about something repeatedly!

Your baby is waking every hour because he doesn't know how to self soothe. CC would let him learn that valuable skill and get both of you more healthy restorative sleep. It's hard to see your friend struggle when you have a solution that works and they just won't hear it. I feel sorry for your friend.

yes, your baby must be bloody exhausted. You need to step up and take some control of the situation. I don't agree with these flakey methods .

If you knew what her opinion on sleep training is why are you texting her for support/to moan to. She can only give you advice on what's worked for her. Telling her to fuck off is rather unnecessary (I've never done cc, so no opinion on it myself)

YABU and over aggressive. I'm not surprised you are a bit antsy though after such little sleep for such a long time!
I can't help with your problem as I tend to side with you friend (sorry!) somewhat, but I hope you manage to get some advice here.

If you know that her solution is cc, why would you talk to her about this particular problem? You knew what her response would be when you texted her, so why did you bother?

And how do you know she got lucky? I can understand why people disapprove of it as a sleep training method, but it can and does work.

YABU

There was nothing wrong with her reply. If you don't want to know what worked for her, don't bring it up.

Well you parent your way, let her parent her way.

But if she listens to you banging on about how your child doesn't sleep don't be massively surprised if she offers you a bit of advice.

Advice which worked for me, incidentally, but if you want to sacrifice yourself at the altar of attachment parenting, that's your lookout.

dawn what worked for you?

Cc method worked great for both of mine. Only took a night for my son it was hard but he has never woken up in the night since unless he is ill.

My DS, who I refused to do any form of sleep training with, didn't start sleeping through till he was 2. My DD, who we did a very gentle form of cc with, has slept through since she was 8 months. That's just my personal experience.

It does sound like your friend was just telling you her personal experience of what worked for her. I've no doubt if she had just "got lucky" with babies that slept through without any help that she'd have happily said so, rather than say she had to do cc.

They can and do sleep through without cc but in our case it took 2 years!

Wow! Your friend didn't say you are a fuckwit if you don't do cc. She didn't say I'm a better parent than you as my child sleeps through so I'm not sure where the smug thing comes from.
BUT just to say your child isn't a sleeper and to get no more than an hour at a time seems insanely hard. She's just saying she doesn't know how you do that and saying what worked for her.

yabu.

If you don't want to leave your baby to cry ever then quit moaning about it.

what ever your doing isn't working he's 11 months and walked more than a new born. your crazy if you think this shit is normal and why aren't you prepared to do anything about it?

Having had one not-such-a-good sleeper (though nowhere near as bad as yours) and one good sleeper (who I was more "robust" with in terms of sleep) I can tell you that my experience of motherhood was so, so, so much more enjoyable when I was getting 8 hours uninterrupted sleep most nights. And tbh, a well-rested baby is a happy baby, over tiredness is just awful for small children.

Your poor friend hasn't even told you what to do, she's told you what worked for her!

wakes

I did cc and a lot of my friends did AP.
I found I basically had to nod, say nothing and look sympathetic whenever they were complaining about lack of sleep etc. I still worried that they thought I was smug because they knew I was getting 12 hours a night. It was hard, as I wanted to share my experience and help if I could, but I recognised that they might not find it helpful if they were committed to AP.

I don't think your friend was unreasonable really, I think you need to stop talking to her about it if you don't want her to give you advice, it must be hard to see a friend in such a state and not want to help.
Agree with others that perhaps you should seek advice from HV or GP, I know friends with bad sleepers but that does sound extreme. My friends little girl was transformed after two trips to a cranial osteopath so there are other options to explore.

Why would you be so aggressive to someone who's doing it their way? You sound like one of those AP nightmares to me - you know, the ones who give it a bad name

^ this.

YABU. You text her and she gave her experience. What do you actually want her to day! ?

OP, your specifications imply you need to text someone who does as you do and can offer relevant advice.

And stop throwing off on someone who you knew has not had your problems. She can only offer advice within her experience: if she CCed, the she'd ascribe success to this, as you would/will to whatever ends up working for you.

Thanks now. I just want him to be secure and happy and a bit of sleep deprivation seems a small price to pay.

The why are you texting your friend and moaning about it? It obviously is a high price to pay or you'd just be merrily getting on with it! 11 months is a long time to it sleep for mor than 1 hour. I have no idea how you are functioning or getting anything else done. I know there's no way I would have managed that with mine.