'The only way we've sorted a sleep prob in this house is controlled crying' - fuck off!!

[Smataya]

I text friend who has two under two how hard it's been of late with Ds 11 months just not sleeping. I've explained before he is just not a sleeper and likes to be close at night, wakes a lot for milk and that I'm doing attachment parenting. She knows how against cc I am and I will not ever leave my child to cry. Ds has not slept for longer than an hour since he was 5 months which is starting to take its toll, but as I say, he's just not a sleeper and it's tough.

Why the f is she doing this pa bull shit about cc over text?? She's been like eerr have you tried sleep training to me before and I just don't want to hear it. Her two sleep through and I just find it smug- she's got lucky and now claiming its all down to cc. Am I justified in texting back to say ftfo to the far side of fuck?!?!

We had a great sleeper from 6 weeks and then it went tits up. At 10 months we were knackered and it was taking 2 hrs to get my DD to sleep - it was ridiculous. We HAD to do something as sleep deprivation is not acceptable in little ones - they are growing and learning and need their rest. We did controlled crying for her, and yes it was hard for us to hear it but it took a matter of days. She is now a content 19 month old that has little problems sleeping and I can put her down awake and be assured she's asleep within minutes.

Your friend and her children are getting the rest they need. It's not about being smug it's about taking control and making sure their children know they are secure in a routine. I only have one but can only imagine it's that much more important with 2!

OP your friend was trying to be helpful.

Your friend is trying to help, you don't want to hear it, that's up to you. You do it your way, she's doing it her way.

I know you're sleep deprived and that's tough going, but you sound like hard work if you're going to get offended by other people's suggestions to help you.

Listen, attachment parenting is all well and good, but you have to accept that it's not the only way, nor is it necessarily the best way. Unless you are the official anti-GF you are not a parenting guru. People do things in the way that best suits their family and their children, don't take offence if someone offers a solution you don't like, just thank them for their suggestion then ignore it, it's what everyone else does.

Sorry for the gibberish. Phone hates my thumbs.

I home birthed (sp?), co slept, breastfed, had long periods of the day with a baby attached to me...

But I still used cc. A bit gentler with the third, but they were all sleeping through well before 11 months. If I was waking hourly for a baby a year after its birth I think I'd spontaneously combust or something...

I would definitely say I am an "attachment parent" by the way - I don't see what's attachment-y about sleep deprivation though?

Perhaps she misunderstood your text and thought you wanted her advice/input instead of realising you were just having a moan and wanted a bit of sympathy?

woah - yes you are sleep-deprived and very U. You text your friend with a problem and she told you what worked for her - what did you want her to say? Please apologise if you responded aggressively to her! Good luck trying to quiet baby down and get some sleep

CC works for some, other methods work for others. But the reality is that if you do nothing and just expect your baby to sleep at some point, if he doesn't because he's never learned to then that fact is not down to being unlucky it is down to you having done nothing.

I am always at the people who say that those with sleeping babies are just smug and lucky. It's true that some babies need less sleep than others, but I am of the belief that many sleep issues can be resolved with one of the many methods that are out there. The problem is that when you're sleep deprived it's hard to think of having a night or two, or three of CC or rapid return because it's hard and you can't see the end in sight when your baby is screaming and you've been in for the umpteenth time and tried to settle them without resorting to just cuddling/feeding/driving down the m25 in the car.

Reality is that if you allow your baby to feed to sleep every night then they will struggle to self settle. Similarly if you cuddle them or if their only way of falling asleep is by being pushed round the block/driven around town... As a child I used to fall asleep with the radio on every night. This was partly down to the fact that I went to boarding school and shared a room, so when I came home I wasn't used to being on my own at night. Even into adulthood if I went to bed on my own I had to have something in the background to help me sleep. It's only in the past three years that I've fallen out of that habit.

The way we fall asleep is a learned behavior. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, but if you allow that learned behavior to be suckling or being cuddled then when it comes to wanting that baby to fall asleep on its own you are going to struggle, but it is not insurmountable.

You made the (imo ridiculous) choice of attachment parenting, you are reaping the results. Suck it up.

I think if you don't want people suggesting what worked for them, don't share how hard things are for you because of course they will want to help you by sharing what worked for them - they care about you.

YABU

There are techniques other than cc and attachment parenting. It doesn't have to be one exteme or the other.
I don't get all this labelling of parenting techniques and smugness or nastiness to other parents that do it differently.
Maybe your friend is worried? She could be trying to suggest ways to help,you not getting more than an hours sleep must be awful - maybe she is concerned about your safety if you have to drive etc?

I love the irony that two or three nights if crying is cruel but letting them. wake up hourly for months on end til mum and baby are so sleep deprived life must he frickin miserable is somehow not so cruel.

YABVU.

If you want to complain and off loafd without advice offered, then talk to the cat.

Sleep deprivation makes you manic, sensitive, emotional and a bit bonkers (well it did me anyway). A friend, a good friend, wouldn't just listen and watch without offering advice or help.

AP is an option, just like non AP.

YABU. If you're so happy with your technique and the consequences, don't whinge at your friend.

WEll, I can tell you are sleep deprived but bloody hell. You texted a friend with a problem and she texted back with her input as to what worked for her. And in response you say "fuck off" and that shes "smug"

Wuld you prefer her to poke her kids awake every hour so she has the same problem as you?

If you are so secure in your choice, why are you so keen to a. moan and b. berate her for her choice.

As a PP said (much more kindly than me) if your "technique" so clearly isn't working, you might want to explore some other options / tweak it a bit.

Conmiserations, I also had an awful sleeper who could wake up every 45 mis when teething, although he did more or less 2 hour stretches, not just one, on normal nights.

As pps have said, your friend probably doesn't know what else to tell you and wasn't trying to antagonise you.

If you are going the AP route, I guess you have already seen this, but just in case:
www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/31-ways-get-your-baby-sleep-and-stay-asleep

Yes yes yes Giles ^ -exactly.

sorry but I would have responded the same way. if a friend messages along the lines of 'I don't know what to do about X situation, it's getting no better' what else can I do but say 'this is what I did and it worked for us' ?? which for the example of sleep would be to suggest CC as it worked brilliantly for my 3.

me saying that would not be my judging/discrediting your way of doing things just giving you another method, one that I have tried and had success with, to consider.

what else do you want her to say? other than that her only option is to say 'oh dear, there there, I'm sure it will be ok' which is about as much use as chocolate teapot to you.

I'm sorry but if you know that you and your friend are at opposite ends of the scale with parenting techniques then you need to accept that she is not the person to ask for advice.

(and to be honest I struggle to have sympathy for AP parents complaining about lack of sleep when it seems to be self inflicted because they wont help their child learn to self settle. there are 'gentler' ways than CC you could consider)

You sound horrid. Fair enough you're having issues with your child but to want to send such a vulgar text is awful. Why did you ask her advice if you knew her methods.

Gileswithachainsaw - exactly what I was thinking!

Exactly, Giles!

A baby waking up every hour is never going to be a happy baby, thing how he must feel when you're obviously struggling. I understand you want to do what you think is right but maybe you need to listen to the advice given on here? We all know how hard the sleepless nights are but it seems you're choosing to do nothing about it

At 11 months I'd be very worried that my child (not really a baby anymore) could not self soothe and might be taking this erratic sleep habit into toddler hood. Fair enough if you don't like CC but don't stick religiously to AP if it's just not working for you. FWIW CC worked fine for my three although they all took different lengths if time to go through the night..
YABU for thinking your friend should Fuck Off. She was only offering up her experience.