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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

daughter having probs with a customer at work

197 replies

ghostspirit · 22/07/2015 17:16

i dont know the answer to this: my daughter is 18 she works in a shop. There is an old man that comes in the shop. she said she thinks hes a paedohile (she dont know that) and he keeps hitting on her. i asked what does he do. he keeps grabbing her hand telling her shes beauiful,sexy and wishes she was with him. its happend 3 times. she said she ended up crying when he left the shop. She said the manager was acting harsh and expected her not to get upset over it. she said to me if it carrys on she will leave the job.

she has been told she can refuse to serve him.

does she have to put up with him. or should something be said to him. is he doing anything wrong. i would have thought if its upsetting someone then he is. i dont know how it works. any advice please thanks

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2015 17:20

It is crossing a boundary and potentially sexual harassment. It may simply be his manner but the manager has a duty to intervene. Telling her not to serve him is the first step.

coolaschmoola · 22/07/2015 17:28

I agree with LIZS - she could also report him to the Police.

I'd be wary of her calling him a paedophile though, whilst he is clearly harassing your dd she is eighteen and therefore an adult, not a child.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 22/07/2015 17:30

thanks liz but if she refuses to serve him he can just get served by someone else. or is it more the point that if she refuses to serve him it might make the man think twice and he might just stop doing it?

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2015 17:32

Both , and it removes her from the situation. If it obvious that her, presumably make, boss has noticed it may put him off.

mmollytoots · 22/07/2015 17:33

obviously she doesn't like this but she needs toughen up.

when I was a student and old man used to ask me to marry him every Time he came in and I just laughed it off

mmollytoots · 22/07/2015 17:34

next time he says something she needs to say either stop it or well my boyfriend won't like what you say so please stop

Goshthatsspicy · 22/07/2015 17:35

I feel for your daughter. I worked in a pharmacy as a teen, and was constantly harassed by a few members of staff and customers.
This was in not such enlightened times. It is very difficult at that age, as l think you tend to want to keep the peace, and get on with working.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 22/07/2015 17:36

cool yeah agree shes not called him that only said it to me. i (think) shes saying that because she looks younger than her age so he must be thinking in that way.. although of course her way of thinking is wrong so i will talk to her about that part of it.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2015 17:36

To an extent Molly, but even so she shouldn't have to tolerate this. She does seem very naive to jump to the conclusion that this man is a paedophile though. He may be very lonely and being served by her brightens his day for example. Not her problem though.

Sockmatcher · 22/07/2015 17:44

Dont tell her to say her boyfriend won't like it. What an awful message to pass on?

Tell her to say she doesn't like it and ask him to stop. If he doesn't take it further

Mrsjayy · 22/07/2015 17:50

What kind of shop does she work at if its a grocers/ supermarket tell her to ring her till buzzer if he comes to her she needs to report him to her supervisor and the police if there is no support at work

Original poster
ghostspirit · 22/07/2015 17:51

sock yeah i agree as thats a threat...how can she take it further?

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 22/07/2015 17:53

It sounds as if he is lonely, what would the police do?

kali110 · 22/07/2015 17:55

I worked over a decade in retail and always had elderly people say this too me as i started working straight out of school.
Is he only grabbing her hand?
If it really bothers her refuse to serve him.
He does not sound like a paedo at all that is really unfair to say that.
Most of these elderly people only get out once a day and this is all the interaction they have.
Unless he was saying sexual things or grabbing her arse etc i don't understand why shes really upset?

TheMoa · 22/07/2015 17:57

Wasn't it your daughter who had the issues with not understanding her pay?

The man sounds like a creep, but bandying around words like 'paedophile' and crying at work isn't going to do her any favours.

She needs to just tell the guy he's being inappropriate and walk away from him every time, and maybe get another member of staff to deal with him.

But with all of the issues she's having, do you think the environment she's in is one she can really cope with?

ilovesooty · 22/07/2015 17:58

Being lonely doesn't give him the right to grab her hand and make inappropriate comments because she's young and female. The manager has a duty of care to his/her staff and should be exercising it.
I don't think it's her responsibility to refuse to serve him either. It's the manager's responsibility to address his behaviour to staff.

Mrsjayy · 22/07/2015 18:01

What if he was 18 and lonely maybe 40 and lonely would it still be ok for him to grab a young womans hand and tell her she was sexy ?

SurlyCue · 22/07/2015 18:03

Ignore molly. Your daughter doesnt beed to toughen up nor does she need to make up a boyfriend Hmm this man's behaviour is not your daughter's resonsibility to manage! He has done it 3 times, she has told her manager, her manager has failed to act. In her shoes i would be informing the police.

Mrsjayy · 22/07/2015 18:09

No she doesn't need to toughen up she needs to be able to go to her work and not be pawed at

Original poster
ghostspirit · 22/07/2015 18:13

so really her boss should tell him to stop doing it and that should be the end of it .

OP posts:
Todayisnottheday · 22/07/2015 18:18

Tbh dealing with this kind if crap is part of working in retail. (Note; dealing with, not putting up with) so things like taking her hand away and stating he's not to touch people unless invited. Hearing the start of a remark and halting it with a light comment such as "hope you're not going to start that nonsense again George. How was your holiday" or whatever. All lighthearted but firm and consistant. Repeat as required.

Mrsjayy · 22/07/2015 18:18

Yes its not her job to manage unruly customers

specialsubject · 22/07/2015 18:24

dealing with this kind of crap is part of life. She has been told she can refuse to serve him, so she does that, telling him 'I am refusing to serve you because of your inappropriate behaviour. Do not touch me'. She then calls another staff member and walks off to the 'staff only' area.

crying and muttering 'paedophile' is not the response.

SurlyCue · 22/07/2015 18:25

Yes her manager needs to inform the customer that his behaviour is inappropriate and that he is to stop or X consequences will happen (wont be allowed back in the store would be my option)

I agree that working on her own assertiveness would be an excellent idea too. Stuff like this does happen and it is great being able to stay calm and stay in control when it does rather than not knowing what to do and becoming upset again and again.

SurlyCue · 22/07/2015 18:27

I disagree that she should be calling another member of staff to deal with him. She should refuse to serve him, tell him way then inform the manager that she is refusing to serve him and why. It is up to the manager to either ask him to leave, serve him themself or ask another staff member to. OP's DD doesnt get to and shouldnt have to decide that another staff member should be subjected to him.