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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

daughter having probs with a customer at work

197 replies

ghostspirit · 22/07/2015 17:16

i dont know the answer to this: my daughter is 18 she works in a shop. There is an old man that comes in the shop. she said she thinks hes a paedohile (she dont know that) and he keeps hitting on her. i asked what does he do. he keeps grabbing her hand telling her shes beauiful,sexy and wishes she was with him. its happend 3 times. she said she ended up crying when he left the shop. She said the manager was acting harsh and expected her not to get upset over it. she said to me if it carrys on she will leave the job.

she has been told she can refuse to serve him.

does she have to put up with him. or should something be said to him. is he doing anything wrong. i would have thought if its upsetting someone then he is. i dont know how it works. any advice please thanks

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 24/07/2015 22:45

If she quits she can't sign on. Where does she expect money to come from?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 24/07/2015 22:55

although shes getting better she still lives in a bubble.when i said now shes working she will have to give some house keeping money..she said...so i have to give you money just because you cant afford stuff.... spent ages explaining very simple stuff to her.

i get help with HB because im in low paid work.thats been cut by 95 a week and she thinks i can just magic 95 pounds. told her if i cant pay the rent we can be evicted...she said its not fair on her...im hoping shes just having a dopey day. i did not want to over nag so reminded her of the holiday she wants to save for and the deposit to leave home etc

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 24/07/2015 23:16

Of course she needs to pay you board money. How does she think you afford to keep her? Surely she doesn't think her disposable income us hers alone?

Draw up a budget and show her the figures. Where on earth would she expect to live if she wasn't with you and how would she finance it especially where you live?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 24/07/2015 23:39

haha sooty if i had a tenner left over she would say so i can give you 10 pounds less.

my fault i guess should have taught her better when she was younger. she will have to get it one day.

if she wants to leave home i would have thought she needs to hold a job down for at least a year. then it would be a bedsit.

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 24/07/2015 23:43

She probably is going through a dopey day. I wouldn't be too hard on her she's going through some shit at the moment, isn't she? She isn't a lazy girl, she's working so hopefully you will come to some arrangement

Its not always said but this kind of thing can happen with single mums..child grows up and although they know they must contribute, a part of them feels it isn't fair in terms of responsibility put on them that they think another adult should carry - ie, their dad... & they're being asked to do what dad doesn't ie, support. They look at their friends' 2 parent family set up and feel a pang about it. So in some way they may take it out on you but, will come round in the end

Im not saying its right, just that it happens. A young mind isn't the same as a mature adult mind, 18 is no age although to hear some talk its to be compared to the mind of a 30 year old. Real life is not like that.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 25/07/2015 00:07

deecee i agree. it kind of frustrats me when people say shes 18 shes an adult. its not a switch of a button. and yes thats why i have tried not to nag to much.trying to say positive things to encourage her to keep working. if she wants to work about 20 hours a week thats ok to.but i think she needs to be doing something...she wants to go back to college. but she messes about with college only had to go twice a week and there was aguing and stress just getting her to go. anyway we shall see

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 00:16

No reason why she can't go to college as well if she doesn't work full time.

She surely doesn't think loads of free time and part time work is the norm if you're in your teens and single without childcare to cover?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 25/07/2015 00:20

sooty not sure what you mean? do you mean because i work part time that she thinks i have loads of free time? if so to her its probably worse because im on maternity leave.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 00:27

Not really ghost

You work part time because you have child care to cover. That's different to her expecting to do the same.

In any case you fund and run the house and family and she can't expect to have that funded for her and have loads of free time and disposable income of her own.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 25/07/2015 00:40

yes defo agree and it wont help her if she did. when i was young my dad did not make me pay anything and i was given all that i wanted...did not help when i had to stand on my own 2 feet. shes at her boyfriends house tonight so hoping maybe it was just an i never get to see you i miss you sort of chat and nothing will come of it. at end of day its up to her but i would rather she worked as she seems so much better in herself when she does

OP posts:
RachelRagged · 25/07/2015 13:41

I agree with ilovesooty ,speaking much sense Ghostspirit.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 25/07/2015 14:47

Some managers don't give a shit. When I was 16 I'd got a job at Spar. I was stocking the shelves when a pair of arms snaked around my waist from behind and rubbed my breasts and crotch. A man ran through the door and pulled this person off me. The man had clear mental disabilities. His carer was very apologetic and led the man away. I burst into tears and went upstairs to gather my thoughts when I came back my manager gave me a bollocking for running upstairs. Every time he came in after that my manager would make kissing noises and say "here's your boyfriend!"
I didn't report it to anyone as the man was ill and not in control of his actions. My boss however was a pathetic wanker who made me feel stupid and petty.

LIZS · 25/07/2015 15:11

She needs to understand that now she has left college your budget will change ie. child benefit, extra council tax , tax credits? I doubt she is earning very much so she still needs to be looking for something more secure and not settle for 0 hours in an uncomfortable environment if she has any ambition to become independent. Is bf working?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 25/07/2015 16:21

shes been sacked! but i still think zero hours is better than nothing as long as shes given reasonable hours of work

OP posts:
LIZS · 25/07/2015 16:25

Oh dear , that won't do her confidence much good. Has she been fully paid to date ? Send her to the job centre in Monday.

ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 16:38

She's presumably been let go rather than sacked for any disciplinary reason?

Yes, get her to sign on immediately.

HermioneWeasley · 25/07/2015 16:43

What reason did they give for the dismissal?

She has the right not to be sexually harassed at work, and doesn't need any service at all to bring a discrimination claim.

I am LIVID on her behalf.

ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 16:55

I bet they won't have mentioned the sexual discrimination. If they have of course she can claim but I was assuming they couldn't have been that stupid.

HermioneWeasley · 25/07/2015 16:56

Yes sooty but if there was no issue before she complained about creepy customer and they haven't given her a plausible reason for being dismissed, then the burden of proof is on the employer to demonstrate it wasn't discrimination.

ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 17:00

I think that might be difficult Hermoine if none of this was in writing, especially if it's a zero hour contract too and people are being let go all the time.
They don't sound as though a claim would be very easy at all.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 25/07/2015 17:28

there was something about week and half ago which was bad. they have new till that she had not been trained to use...anyway she managed to sell an iphone for 2.35!! she was told not to worry about which seems odd. and she said apprarently whilst she opend her till she opened the safe. which she knew nothing about until this morning. anyway i would have thought the problem with the iphone on its own was enough for them to ask her to leave. but then why did it take a week and half to bring it up. nothing was said about the old man who had been watching/touching her...oh well its been done now...yes will get her to sign on and im getting links to send to her.

then manager said he will give her a ref for other jobs? im not sure what to make of that. how can he give her a ref if she was sacked and made mistakes

OP posts:
Everstrong · 25/07/2015 17:31

I think she's dodged a bullet here OP, no more sleazy customer.

And to those saying "oh he's just lonely" imagine it's a 30 year old man harassing the OPs daughter and not someone older. Would your response be "oh he's just lonely"? No, it would be "the mans a fucking creep"

I hate all this attitude that sexual harassment, sexual assault is all women's fault. That somehow we need to toughen up and laugh it off. No, we need to call men out on their shitty behaviour and inform them that the fact we have tits/wear skirts/like makeup/get drunk sometimes does not give them the god given right to treat us like pieces of meat.

ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 17:32

He will provide a reference to confirm her employment there. Standard practice if she is seeking re-employment elsewhere.

LIZS · 25/07/2015 17:39

How could she not realise that the phone was not £2.35! Did she actually charge the customer that or was it a till discrepancy. Difficult to get much of a reference after such a short period of time but better than nothing. Tell her to put it behind her and start afresh.

ilovesooty · 25/07/2015 17:50

Claims for jsa are generally done online so she needs to do it immediately.