To think a surgeon should ask permission before drawing on your body

[Purringkittenmama]

A while ago, I was referred to a breast surgeon for a lump to be investigated. Is it in any way OK, after being prodded for a few seconds, for him to turn to the (lovely) nurse with him, and say 'Do you have a pen?' before turning back to me and drawing on the area. Without asking me, warning me he was going to do this, anything. For the ultrasound people I think (although they seemed a bit taken aback to see that he'd marked it). AIBU to still feel angry/upset/ violated by this?

Sorry - you're being VU. Frankly I'd be worried if they didn't. There have been high cases of the wrong leg being amputated, simply because the best way to show the correct limb, side etc is to draw.

Got to be honest and say I am always pleased when they have drawn in me prior to an operation as I know then that they are operating on the correct side and in the correct place.

I think that he should have told you that he was going to do it before he did it.
I'm not sure that I woould feel violated though.

I'm sure OP has a tongue in her head and can tell the ultrasound people. I thought they only did this if you were having a GA and something removed.

Sigh. Seriously?

On the face of it I feel like YABU, it is a very extreme reaction to something that is pretty standard procedure.

But I'm guessing for you to feel so violated that maybe there is more to it than that? It is easy for me to say 'that is over the top' but if it upset you, then it upset you, and no one telling you that it is standard practice will change how you feel about it.

I completely understand it is probably a good idea. But it's the fact that he didn't say that he was going to do it, or ask if it was OK.

Totally normal. Might have been nice if he had said but I can't see what harm it did to you?

Pen marks would have been the least of my worries if I was getting a lump investigated. He didn't tattoo you.

He obviously wanted them to pay particular attention to that specific area. If anything, I'd be feeling reassured rather than violated.

I've been to the breast clinic four times in my life for investigations, and they always drew on me before sending me to ultrasound.

No. That wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. I don't suppose the ultrasound people were surprised either. I expect he draws on everyone.
I'm sorry you were upset though. It must have been a stressful time. I hope you've got a positive outcome.

NU to be surprised but QUTSTL for feeling violated by it.

Save your indignation and save your feelings of defilement for something more meaningful.

SIL had a similar experience. She had both breasts examined and areas drawn on both. She then screamed the place down, had her notes annotated so that the consultant banned from seeing her again and then went on to complain that, when she needed a specialist, she couldn't get one to see her. She waited for about 4 months for a female consultant to agree to make a day trip to see her.

And she still says she was sexually violated... 20 years on.

He was doing his job. Thats like saying the hairdresser should have warned me she would be using scissors or the optician should have warned me he would be looking in my eyes.

Actually I don't think you are BU at all. I imagine you were feeling quite stressed and anxious already, you know, having a lump investigated and on a private area of your body.

I think it's good practice to say before you touch someone, let alone before you do something to them.

Wasn't it pretty obvious he was going to do that when he asked for the pen and turned to you and pointed the pen at you? He could have said 'I'm going to draw on you' but it sounds like a very minor slip. No need to be angry over it.

Treacle, did they warn you they were going to, or did they just do it?

If he drew on your breast to highlight the area he wanted scanned, then YABU. If he drew an actual picture then YANBU. So which was it?

I don't see the harm in the act itself, but it certainly wouldn't have killed him warn you first either. Seems a basic courtesy when you're dealing with other people's "intimate regions".

Just a rhetoric "Do you mind?" As he's taking the pen lid off would have sufficed.

Go ask a woman in a country with patchy or inadequate healthcare how pissed off she would be about a surgeon doing his job properly. You sound beyond precious and rather as though you've been searching for weeks for something to be offended about and this is the best you can do.

Really? I think you're being rather precious. I'd be more worried about the lump than having a surgeon mark where the lump is with a pen so that the ultrasound people knew where to look. [hmmm]

YANBU. He should have gained your consent before touching you. Touching a patient without their consent is assault.

Poor bloke! He could be potentially saving your life........and you're getting pissy because he made a teeny tiny mistake of not asking your permission to make sure he didn't make a mistake? ODFOD.

I don't mind them putting relevant drawings on me as part of the procedure, but it can be a bit embarrassing when it happens while you're under GA and they don't subsequently inform you. It was DH who (several days later) asked whether I knew there was an arrow drawn on my bum!

debka what complete rubbish! The op had obviously consented to an examination as she was stood in front of the surgeon undressed and ready to be examined. It was not assault fgs.