Friend said this was pfb

[holidayroad]

I was talking to my friend the other day, she asked what schools I put down for my DD's primary school admission (she starts reception in September).

The schools near me are all oversubscribed and we have visited 5 of them. I explained that we had struggled to narrow down our choice after visiting the first 5, so arranged to visit them all again just before the closing date.

One school refused to allow us a 2nd visit - now I appreciate that it is a big school and a lot of parents want their DC to go there, but I used their refusal to allow us a 2nd visit as a basis to rule that school out as I feel if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

My friend has DC at this school and said I was being ridiculously pfb to expect them to arrange a 2nd visit.

I think this is too important a decision to be taken lightly.

So over to you, who is BU?

Do the schools have open days or were you scheduling your own private visits?

We went to the open days and then I wanted to arrange private visits after the Open Days.

YABU

YANBU
I think I'd be a bit miffed as well at a school refusing a second visit.
Not quite the same thing but I moved DD out of her school in Year 3 and had a choice of 3 schools. We narrowed it down to 2 and visited both twice to make sure we were making the right decision. If one of those 2 had refused a second visit I'd have also ruled them out.

If that makes me PFB as well then happy to be so.

A second visit is fine, it's not as if you are pestering the school. However I'd only rule it out on this basis if I had other doubts about it

Though I don't think it's PFB, I think it's a difference in decision making approaches

I think that I might be more pro the school that did allow me a second visit too...

I basically wanted to see the school again, when not in 'open day mode' to get a real feel for it.

Friend started saying "they had 150 applications last year, what if everyone wanted to look around again, they're there to teach the kids not arrange endless visits" blah de blah.

THis is a very hard decision for us and I think the school should be understanding, and in fact the majority of the other schools did let us visit again.

Yes, pfb. A school massively oversubscribed clearly doesn't have the time to go "above and beyond" to sway your decision.

You either like the school, or you don't. I don't think they'll much care either way though.

I don't think either of you are. We went to some schools at this stage that actually were just too busy with prospective parents that they had to impose limits, but I also discounted a very good school local to us for my children for a couple of reasons that most people would have thought ridiculous (something a pupil was in trouble for I didn't agree with, and an off the cuff comment from the head while they were showing us around) and I haven't regretted it.
Had I had a choice of five schools I would definitely have needed second visits to help narrow down the choices. I would also recommend attending fundraising opportunities- too late for Christmas fayres but if they have anything else on- that can give a good feel for the place too OP.

You're being PFB,
massively so in my opinion. A primary school couldn't possibly accommodate every perspective parent like this, if everyone followed your example. That's what open day's are for.

But what did you say to her objection that 150 families booking visits would make the school unable to do its job? Did you answer her?

I think school arrogant not to allow 2nd visit if using excuse basically that have plenty of applicants already.
YANBU.

Thank you dustygold, that's my view exactly. If they want us they should make us feel wanted. If we're just inconsequential to them, well, we can rule them out.

I feel anxious enough as it is about the whole thing without them shrugging their shoulders and ignoring them. I don;t expect the other 149 familes will want other visits, but why not accommodate the few who find it particularly hard?

YANBU- It feels a bit odd to me to make such an important decision based on a single visit. Maybe I'm pfb too??

It sounds like you may have just cut your nose off to spite your face, by rejecting it on that reason alone. It may be the perfect school for her.

A YABU from me.

Yanbu. outstanding schools around here are the same. They don't have to sell themselves. At secondary level The local outstanding grammars don't facilitate private visits at all. But the 'good' high school encourages them.

I totally used that as a factor of how much they were connected to children as individuals.

You wanted a private visit?

I'm not surprised they said no. If they offered that they wouldn't get anything else done for weeks.

Yabu.
I would argue the opposite of ruling a school out because they didn't allow a second visit. I would prefer a school to concentrate on teaching rather than catering to individual whims.

Ah I would see that school differently after refusing a 2nd visit, I would think that it has its pupils' best interests at heart by only having open days & to not allow their lessons & their learning to be interfered with by parents traipsing in & out making the teacher stop & basically interrupting everybody.

if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

Why would you expect the school to prioritise you & your visits over the learning of its existing pupils? Unless its a fee paying school then its likely the Admissions dept at the council will deal with placing so the school has no control over who is offered a place & who is not.

You are being pfb, sorry :) if my DS was in their reception class I would much rather have their policy than have 5% of their school day taken up by a constant stream of parents who didn't do their job properly first time round.

Yep PFB. Sounds like you expect them to go out of their way to get you to send your lil darling there, when they are oversubscribed already. Newsflash, they don't care if you send junior there or not. If they are already oversubscribed they probably prefer if you don't want them.

Our primary school only does private visits. No open days. No apt required. It's not disruptive and in fact, I think it shows how confident they are as a school.

Open days tell you nothing of how a school actually operates.

I call PFB too. Sorry op.

Yabu to not consider a school just because it won't allow a second visit. This approach would rule out a good many of the most popular / highly ofsted rated schools, since they simply don't need to encourage visits.

Though I agree that oversubscribed schools have no motivation to provide private visits.

But then, why would you want your child to go to a school that was oversubscribed anyway?