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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said this was pfb

400 replies

holidayroad · 24/02/2015 14:17

I was talking to my friend the other day, she asked what schools I put down for my DD's primary school admission (she starts reception in September).

The schools near me are all oversubscribed and we have visited 5 of them. I explained that we had struggled to narrow down our choice after visiting the first 5, so arranged to visit them all again just before the closing date.

One school refused to allow us a 2nd visit - now I appreciate that it is a big school and a lot of parents want their DC to go there, but I used their refusal to allow us a 2nd visit as a basis to rule that school out as I feel if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

My friend has DC at this school and said I was being ridiculously pfb to expect them to arrange a 2nd visit.

I think this is too important a decision to be taken lightly.

So over to you, who is BU?

OP posts:
Peony58890 · 24/02/2015 20:08

I think its crazy not to visit a school before applying to attend.

Peony58890 · 24/02/2015 20:11

Showing parents around a school is part and parcel of a schools week to week life. It's like report writing and assemblies. Doesn't happen every day but is essential.

littlejohnnydory · 24/02/2015 20:15

YANBU but then private visits is the norm where we live. When we lived in a big city, I was shocked to be refused to look around schools. I wasn't prepared to send my child to a school without having chatted to their teacher and the Head properly...all very well to say 'they can't do that for everyone' but some schools do and I want that level of personal interaction with a school rather than having my child treated as one of many. Otherwise I don't send them.

Trills · 24/02/2015 20:16

I imagine that they will be fairly sanguine about missing out on a family who expect extra special treatment.

clam · 24/02/2015 20:19

Yes, peony, and this 'rejected' school has done that - shown prospective parents around as part and parcel of its role. But as the OP has said it's a large school, that probably means an intake of at least 60, if not 90 new Reception children. That's way too many 'second private visits' to accommodate.

Umbrelladilemma · 24/02/2015 20:31

Trills, that has been exactly my thought on reading this thread!

OP, YABU and also naive in your lack of understanding of the way school admissions work.

But yes, if this is PFB then I suspect teachers would perhaps prefer to have fewer "PFB parents" if they could choose!

clam · 24/02/2015 20:34

I want that level of personal interaction with a school rather than having my child treated as one of many. Otherwise I don't send them.

I don't know how old your child is, littlejohnnydory, but if parents seriously expect schools, or indeed the world to revolve around them and their children in this way, then I think they're in for a rude shock sooner or later.

Cantdecideondinner · 24/02/2015 20:47

Ridiculously PFB. Your friend is right, they need to be concentrating on teaching, not showing parents around who may never have a hope of getting a place. I have never heard of a state school offering private reception visits, they do sometimes when people are applying for an occasional place but generally they're getting on with the business of teaching

ZanyMobster · 24/02/2015 20:53

Ah if it was during the day then I am a little bit on the fence although both the state schools and the private schools I was interested in were happy for us to just pop in and they showed us around individually, the state schools were 10-15 min visits but enough to get a feel, the private schools were 1-1.5 hrs. Come to think of it, it was only the private schools that had out of hours open events, one was on a Saturday!

Summerisle1 · 24/02/2015 20:55

I fear that you may be confusing the state education system with the First Form at Mallory Towers here. None of these schools have to accommodate you and it seems bonkers to rule out your catchment school on the basis that they refuse to offer some sort of bespoke appointment system for you alone.

QueenofallIsee · 24/02/2015 21:04

Lol at Mallory Towers....motoring chocolate while you meet Matron?

TinyTearsFirstLove · 24/02/2015 21:12

I ruled out a school because the head refused to meet me, wanted me to be shown around by 10 year old pupils. Unfortunately, they would not be in a position to answer the questions I had. Put me right off the school. Far too complacent and too important to meet a prospective parent. It was a good decision as I've since heard from numerous unhappy parents at the school despite the outstanding OFSTED. No regrets.
The school we eventually chose welcomed our visit with open arms and have consistently better SATS than the other school but also very caring and inclusive.

80schild · 24/02/2015 21:25

I find it a bit strange to ask for a second appointment because there is no guarantee, particularly in an over subscribed area, that you will get your first choice of school (or second choice for that matter).

Also, I think middle class parents place far too much emphasis on the "right school for my child" - all reasonable schools will get your child to where they should be academically. In some cases even crap schools don't make that much difference (I have met quite a few truly inspirational and talented people in my time). The only question to ask is whether your child will be happy. Surprisingly, I have found my own children have enjoyed and coped in every environment I have put them into.

Maybe a little YABU however, I do understand where it comes from.

crje · 24/02/2015 21:28

Very pfb

Your friend was very restrained.
I'd have told you to cop in and get over yourself .

arethereanyleftatall · 24/02/2015 21:36

I cannot fathom how you could havd thought oversubscribed schools give a shiny shit about your preferences.
They go on their own criteria, such as catchment etc
Whilst I'm sure your dc is far more special than all others, I'm afraid that won't be their criteria.
You've wasted your time researching the best one fir your pfb, it isn't your choice to make.
Oh, yabu.

sanfairyanne · 24/02/2015 21:37
Shock

is this for this year (starting next year?)

did you actually check out how likely you were to get into the schools you put down? if not, i am a bit horrified tbh. what if you dont get any of those schools? it will be one even further away

i am Shock at what you have done

Notso · 24/02/2015 21:43

The daft thing is you have a friend with DC at the school who could give you the insiders view rather than the 'corporate' tour.

mewkins · 24/02/2015 21:45

If they are oversubscribed are your choices actual choices anyway? School places here are tight so even if someone across town put our local school as first choice they wouldn't have a chance of getting in anyway..
Maybe the school knows this so aren't being very accommodating. If it's the school your dd is most likelyto get a place in, then you are shooting yourself in the foot by not putting it down as first choice.

Floggingmolly · 24/02/2015 21:53

If they want us they should make us feel wanted. If we're just inconsequential to them, well we can rule them out
It's hard to believe that anyone doing school applications could be quite so spectacularly clueless Confused
Op, without wanting to be personally offensive, they're oversubscribed schools - they don't want you, particularly. You're a faceless number on a list, if you fulfill the criteria you're offered a place, decline and it's offered to the next person in line.
Oversubscribed schools by their very nature have no need to "audition" for prospective parents, and as to you ruling them out...
All you've actually done is make it more likely that you'll be allocated a place at an unpopular school very few other people want, possibly in an inconvenient location.
Good luck to you you'll need it in bucketfuls

mellicauli · 24/02/2015 22:02

agreed -the choice is probably an illusion if all 5 schools are oversubscribed. Don't be the person without a place on Offer Day because you didn't do your research and you thought you had a choice when you didn't . (I know 3 people this happened to. 2 were forced to pay for private. 1 had to move to the country for a year)

SpringTimeIsComing · 24/02/2015 22:13

If they want us they should make us feel wanted. If we're just inconsequential to them, well we can rule them out

Rule them out then as well as many other schools. Schools are not there to make parents that over react "feel wanted". Oh please come back and update us after your child starts school. You are one of THOSE parents. I was a Headteacher for many years and never allowed parents to come for a second visit. We had around 53 new starts every year. Would you seriously expect a Headteacher to show 53 different parents around to enable you to "feel wanted" or let them run their school ensuring children already there were educated?

mewkins · 24/02/2015 22:15

Look on your local authority admission webpages and you can find previous years admissions reports. You will be able to see the furthest distance from the school that pupils in previous years lived. Useful as a guide. Really if all are oversubscribed and all pretty equally good, put down the ones that you have the best chance of getting into.

hiccupgirl · 24/02/2015 22:23

I have to agree with clam. You clearly don't understand how the admissions process actually works - the school don't give a damn about whether your particular child gets in as they have no say in the matter. Your child either meets the criteria in a category high enough to get a place or they don't. If all the schools near are you are oversubscribed then tbh you only have the illusion of choice and you by not putting this one down, you may have left out the one you were most likely to get into.

But more importantly, schools are not there to run around after prospective parents who think their child is a special case. They should be focusing on teaching the children already there, which it sounds like this school is.

BackforGood · 24/02/2015 22:26

Interesting TinyTears - I'd MUCH rather be shown round by a pupil - you are much more likely to get complete honesty and viewpoints from the pupils' pov - after all, your dc is likely to be a pupil, not a visiting adult. I'd be delighted to find out the reality of it.

eg
HT says "Oh yes, we do Duke of Edinburgh award here from Yr10"
Pupil says "Yes, there is a DofE scheme but there are only 30 places available and I didn't get on it"

etc.etc.

Letting current pupils show prospective pupils and their parents around shows a confidence in the pupils - which is also a positive, in my book.

sanfairyanne · 24/02/2015 22:33

i am not at all against the idea of an individual tour (if you cant make the open day). but the idea that you dont list your nearest school when they are all oversubscribed Shock high risk strategy or what!

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