Friend said this was pfb

[holidayroad]

I was talking to my friend the other day, she asked what schools I put down for my DD's primary school admission (she starts reception in September).

The schools near me are all oversubscribed and we have visited 5 of them. I explained that we had struggled to narrow down our choice after visiting the first 5, so arranged to visit them all again just before the closing date.

One school refused to allow us a 2nd visit - now I appreciate that it is a big school and a lot of parents want their DC to go there, but I used their refusal to allow us a 2nd visit as a basis to rule that school out as I feel if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

My friend has DC at this school and said I was being ridiculously pfb to expect them to arrange a 2nd visit.

I think this is too important a decision to be taken lightly.

So over to you, who is BU?

You can discount a school for whatever reasons you like, overly precious or not.

Your friend probably took your choice personally if her children go there because you are basically saying that they have done something that makes them not good enough for your child, and people can be very sensitive to the choices they have made for their children.

Do what you want with your form, you don't have to justify it to anyone.

"I don;t expect the other 149 familes will want other visits, but why not accommodate the few who find it particularly hard?"

Because how do you know how many other parents want another visit? How do you know that you feel more anxious than other parents? That's a huge assumption that your anxiety is more important than other people's! I have a DD with special needs, my anxiety over school is through the roof. Perhaps I should get a visit but not you?

This is not a store that is looking to make a profit out of you, so has to woo you. It's a service that is providing something very valuable to you. You don't need to go cap in hand, all grateful and humble, but you are not a consumer making a choice.

You're obviously anxious, but have you even thought about the social life of school? Your dc will make friends more easily if they're at the same school as other local kids.

If you think your anxiety is somehow greater/more important than other parents, then that is being very pfb - it implies that you think other parents don't care as much about their own child and which school they attend, whereas you somehow care more so should get special treatment. If you want special treatment and extra privileges, you need to pay for private school.

I Am laughing at your arrogance at turning down your catchment school as they wouldn't give you special treatment, in the misguided belief that one of the other over-subscribed schools will take you!

Yes, I think you are being ridiculous.

It may seem to you, at the moment, that it's an easy thing for the school to arrange another visit. But for every single parent who wants to come round again, a reception class (and presumably other classes too) is disturbed. Every time.

You probably want to speak to the teacher. So that teacher is taken away from the class for a few minutes.

It is good that schools will help those who can't make open days, but for everyone else I think it's perfectly reasonable to say no.

When you see it from the side of having a child in the school, trying to learn, I think good on the school for saying no to another visit when you'd already been.

And you are totally wrong that one of the other schools will have to accomadate you. If they are all oversubscribed and you don't put down your catchment school, you may get another school entirely. The rubbish one no one in your area chooses, because that will be the one that has spaces after all the allocations are made.

We were refused a visit at DC4s school before he started in Reception. House move fell through so the alternative house we eventually took was slightly out of catchment for our preferred school (which our older DCs had gone to so we knew well) so we wanted to have a look at the catchment school which we were more likely to get him into and which he was top of the waiting list for (late application). This was in the April before he was due to start so after long the open days. I could not believe their refusal actually and sent a letter to the Head questioning it which was not even acknowledged! I assume they knew we have no choice but to send DS there so it really didn't matter at the end of the day.

The school is 'Good' but absolutely crap at communication with parents tbh. We seem to be a hindrance to them . So much so that from the first day in Reception, parents are not allowed onto school premises at pick up and drop off. All DC go into school themselves from the school gate which I had no idea was the policy and which I hate as DS has quite a long walk from the gate, through a playground and through a corridor to get his class all the while jostled by the bigger DC. He was only 4.1 when he started and we had lots of tears!

Hate the school but can do nothing about it as all the other schools in the area are oversubscribed and have waiting lists and meh, he is there now.

Haven't read the FT but this just made me chuckle. In response to a comment that the school were arrogant because they wouldn't arrange a second visit because they were oversubscribed...

Thank you dustygold, that's my view exactly. If they want us they should make us feel wanted. If we're just inconsequential to them, well, we can rule them out.

Why should they make you feel wanted? They are a school, not a business. They are trying to teach all the other kids at the school and deal with all the other stuff that gets sent to them on a daily basis. Why should you and your child take priority over that so that you can feel wanted?

Schools don't allow random people to wander round at will during the school day; that's why they have open days...
If you failed to make the most of it, it's not up to the school to give you a second bite at the cherry

I ruled out a secondary school for DS1 because they don't permit off the cuff visits ever.

My three options I made all accommodated my visit outside of open evening.

Made me wonder what the school that refused was trying to hide...

You really need to get over yourself man. I would go nuts if random people were wandering around my kids school when they felt like it.

What happens if you don't get a place at any of your preferred schools?

Is the application already in OP? When do you find out which school you received?

You are being very unreasonable.

What will you say once your DC are in school and, instead of teaching your child, the school devotes itself to marketing itself to everyone who fancies a visit and then a repeat visit?

YABU and very pfb.
I would hope that the teaching staff in any school are doing just that for most of the day - teaching! or at least doing related work that is benefiting the dc at the school.
Can you begin to imagine how much time it would take if all 150 applicants - or even just half of them - expected personal guided tours after they'd already had the opportunity to see the school, read the prospectus, and ask questions at the open day.
Fair enough, if a question had occurred to you later, then phone or e-mail or call in to get a response, but you are being rather silly to think that staff have nothing better to do than giving individual tours to family after family when there is no good reason why they didn't get the information at the open day.

If they want us they should make us feel wanted. If we're just inconsequential to them, well, we can rule them out.

Yes, I bet the Head is in pieces about that!

OP, have you any idea of how the school allocation system actually works? There is a notion of choice, but in reality there really isn't any, particularly in a densely-populated area - you just get an opportunity to express a preference, that may be taken into account if you happen to qualify for more than one school. The fact is, your child will be allocated a place at a school that has space, according to how you fit the criteria.

So, I'm with your friend. YABVU and more than a bit pfb. Good luck with the school you're finally given and you may well look back with nostalgia and longing on this school you've rejected when you discover what you've ended up with.

OP no one had to accommodate you - even less so, non catchment schools. It's a preference big a choice. The whole point of a catchment school is to give all DC a form of priority for at least one school quite near where they live. If all the schools are over subscribed I fear you have risked getting none as the catchment children for those other schools will get priority and then I assume others on distance. Did you research which ones you would historically qualified for? Are some faith schools etc? Lots of people only put our school down but who are too far away to ever have a chance and then are shocked when they get a poor school miles away.

English primary admissions are due out on 16/4 IIRC (DC2 is in this cohort). I fear OP should have had this thread in Primary Education about seven weeks ago, and may be shocked and disappointed.

I think it is pfb, if only because it displays a vast misunderstanding of how state schools work. The notion of choice is very misleading and it isn't until you're in the system that you properly understand it.

Agree with pps that OP's friend read criticism of her decisions in OP's dismissal of her child(ren)'s school - how could she not? Her reaction might have been a bit spiteful but I don't think it was inaccurate.

I moved suddenly three weeks before my PFB was due to start school. There was a choice of two schools in the town we moved to. I based my decision purely on how the receptionist spoke to me when I phoned and tried to arrange a visit.

School A, the actual catchment school for us, receptionist snotty and telling me I had to go through County (despite county telling me otherwise), school B, welcoming and lovely, put me through to the headmaster, who happened to be there because they were building work done, who then invited us straight down to have a look around.

When DD2 followed 10 years later, followed by DS1 year after her, they of course followed in her footsteps.

YANBU!

Sorry, it's been a long and tiring day (that's not nearly over yet), so I can't think how to put this less bluntly. Basically, schools are busting their guts jumping through hoops trying to do their very best for the kids in their charge currently, and therefore have less time than they'd like, to kiss the arses of precious people who may or may not consider putting the school's name down on their form. You've had one visit, which is plenty sufficient for most people - you need to get your own act together to decide if you like it or not. You had the opportunity to ask questions, and presumably you have a brochure or some sort, or at least access to the school's website. Or you could phone for clarification of any particular issue. That's enough.

Open days and private visits are a load of crapola anyway OP. Everyones on their best behaviour for a start, not to mention the days leading up to the open days of tidying up, stapling the nice pics on the wall, sorting out whos best to take the parents to such a room making sure parents don't spend too long looking through the windows at lessons etc

I went by word of mouth and had a quick 15 min tour just to check.

If I was you I'd be worried now about possibly being sent to a school ages away, especially if the only schools you have put down are the 4 oversubscribed ones.

Everyone's on their best behaviour for a start, not to mention the days leading up to the open days of tidying up, stapling the nice pics on the wall,

Not true. That should be the norm for every day. I have a feeling we have one tomorrow - not sure, as it's so not an issue. It will be business as usual.

Well quite, it SHOULD be the norm.......am very glad it is in your school

YANBU to feel a bit slighted about the school refusing a second visit when you are choosing for your pfb. YABU to discount it on that basis though.

Iamallimportant Your situation was different, as it was presumably an in-year application. The OP is one of potentially dozens and dozens of prospective parents wanting to tour the school in time for the new Reception intake. A tour has been provided already. She wants another one just for her.

So much so that from the first day in Reception, parents are not allowed onto school premises at pick up and drop off. All DC go into school themselves from the school gate which I had no idea was the policy and which I hate as DS has quite a long walk from the gate, through a playground and through a corridor to get his class all the while jostled by the bigger DC. He was only 4.1 when he started and we had lots of tears!

Why don't you complain to the governors or something?

Nope, we moved in the Middle of August!